Do you ever look forward to something and when it happens you realise the anticipation was almost as good as the event? The waiting, and imagining. The time spent watching the calendar and mentally ticking off the days.
Equally there are days looming in our future which we dread. I wonder when they come will it work the same way? Will they be as awful as we thought they might be, or was the anticipation of them worse than the actual day?
In my near future I have a couple of difficult days looming. One of them happens tomorrow. It will be the last official time I will be visiting my old pal, who my friend and I have been visiting once a week. He is leaving Ireland on Monday. Emigrating at 83 to live with family. There are just days left.
I have spent the week not thinking about it, or trying to not think about it. I have tried not thinking about in the house, or at the pool. In the car or in bed. I have tried to make sure I do not imagine walking in and hearing his cheery ‘Hallo Tric’. I have tried not imagining making our final coffee and tea, hearing him joke with my other friend about me, and listening to him tell us another few stories. Our final helping. I have tried not imagining watching him bravely do his best to disguise the fact that his heart is breaking before our eyes, as he speaks of leaving his home, his country and his friends. And most of all I have tried not to imagine our final hug and the final time I hear, ‘love ye’. As you can guess I am failing miserably at trying not to imagine all my friend and I will face tomorrow.
I can only hope that my imaginings are more real and painful than tomorrow will be. However I’m not too sure.
Deep breath. Nearly there. I am determined. I will enjoy our morning. I will not make it any harder for him than it is. I will try not to cry.
Wish me luck! And for those of you who know me well personally, or through my writing you will understand me when I say.. ‘Feck, this is pox’.
photo credit: Menage a Moi via photopin cc
8 thoughts on “Final days.”
Oh Tric, this is heartbreaking. Somehow, I don’t think crying would be so terrible. This man has no doubt seen plenty of tears in his time and I’ve no doubt he would be honoured to see how much you truly, truly care. For him to know that is what matters most at this point. I’m sure he’s crying inside ~ as a wise doctor said to me one time when I was balling in front of him over something we both cared very deeply about and I asked him why he wasn’t crying! Best of luck and know you will be connected to him forever.
Thanks so much. I think I’d like not to cry because our old pal is so brave but hurting so much. I think he’d like to leave on a brave note.
Can’t promise it though. I’ll probably be in a heap!
I can understand where you’re coming from but tears aren’t the worst thing in the world and often they lead to watery smiles and laughter. Sleep tight and try not to fret. Know that’s easier said than done. jx
I think it is important to focus on how amazing it is that you “got him” for as long as you did. Obviously, he is a fabulous person and it seems you are losing him. He was never yours, but he did share himself with you and you will have that forever. Good byes are never easy. I hope tomorrow goes well.
i’m so sorry for all of you, that he will soon be off. what a wonderful thing it is that your paths crossed, and at least for a while, you each shared something special with the other. that will never change, no matter where you each end up. hugs )
Aw, I took a deep breath for you. It’s okay to cry and it’s okay to be sad. No one would expect a farewell like that to be easy. Hugs to you.
It truly, feckin’, is Tric. 😦
Thinking of you today Tric xx