Todays Daily postaday prompt was: We all have complicated histories. When was the last time your past experiences informed a major decision you’ve made?
As a parent, a mother, my past has a huge bearing on my parenting. All I have experienced, good and bad, effect what I say, do and think as a mother. As I look back on my past I can see how I have evolved into the person I am today.
The girl I was at eleven years of age, was a happy outgoing, if a little whiney, individual. If she were here today looking after my children she would give them a wonderful sense of fun, and an optimistic out look on life, for her the cup was always half full. However with limited life experiences, would she understand them when they were upset? Would she appreciate how difficult life was sometimes, and would she be able to advise them on difficult choices they would have to make. Of course not as she had lived a carefree and easy childhood.
What about the girl I was at nineteen? The intervening eight years had changed her. She was a scared individual, hiding a secret. Her attitude to men was careful. She enjoyed their company but if they came too close she closed down. Her body language was at odds with her outgoing personality. She was damaged and fragile. If she was a mother, her advice would be too cautious, her view of life too cynical.
Fast forward nine years. She is now a young twenty eight year old mother of two. Surely, if she were here today, she would be a good source of advise and comfort to my four children. Maybe.
However she was very tired, looking after four children under four ( as she minded two more children). Her heart was still broken from losing her Dad, and she was struggling with the public outing of her secret. She was anonymous, yet she featured on the news regularly, and her life was discussed on most radio shows. She would have been very caring to her children, but perhaps too emotionally exhausted to be of real help.
So we arrive at today. An older mother to four children. Looking back I can see that I have experienced so much in life to date. As I look at my eldest child in her twenties, living a charmed life, I am able to appreciate all I had lived through at her age. I see my young beautiful twelve year old, and I remember the child I was before life changed me forever. Sometimes I am sad for that young girl and all that was ahead for her, but she survived and thrived.
That same young girl still lives within me, in small measure, as does the damaged nineteen year old, and the tired, recovering twenty eight year old. All make up the person I am today, and all help me as I mother my children. They comment on decisions I am making, and they push me or caution me as required. They are a part of my everyday. My past influencing my present.
Without them I would be a very different person. Every day hand in hand, my past and present walk comfortably together creating my future.
A future I look forward to.