“Until death us do part”
I well remember saying this twenty three years ago.
As I placed a wedding ring on my husbands finger, I said those words with feeling.
Looking at him that day, I had no doubt that nothing or no one would come between us.
We were for keeps. I loved him and he loved me.
Only the finality of death could part us.
There was no room for doubt.
Isn’t youth just wonderful?
If only life was that simple.
I look at celebrity life all around us.
Those involved in cinema, reality TV, music etc.
They fall in love today, marry quickly,
and within weeks, months or occasionally a few years, fall in love elsewhere.
It would appear that in everyday life the word “love” has lost it’s meaning.
“Love you” my kids say, flippantly without a thought, to their friends.
Often when speaking about each other they exclaim loudly,
“OMG I love her!”.
Surely they don’t mean they really love her.
Have they any idea what love really is?
Thankfully my husband and I have made it thus far,
but I would think more by luck than love!
I was very young when I married, and have changed so much.
So too has my husband. And the arrival of four children certainly changed our marriage.
It was just lucky that we both liked the people we evolved into.
As a result I still love him, and it would appear he still loves me,
(or maybe he just can’t afford a separation!).
I heard a story the other day, which really got me thinking about this topic of marriage, and lifetime love.
A friend of mine was out and she parked her car in a car park.
It was dark and the car park was relatively empty.
As she got out of her car she thought she heard a faint high pitched voice in the distance.
“Help me, help me”.
Initially she thought it might be a child.
She made her way in it’s direction and came to a car.
Inside the car was an elderly lady and an equally elderly gentleman.
It was the lady who was shouting, in a frail tired voice, for help.
My friend eventually understood that the ladies husband had Alzheimers.
They had arrived earlier and all was well, but on return to their car he had become confused.
He forgot he could no longer drive and was insisting he could.
His wife had the car keys and refused to hand them over to him.
He had a tight hold of her arm and would not let go.
She was trapped, with an increasingly aggressive husband.
Eventually, with help, my friend managed to get them both out of the car.
The elderly lady was very shook and frightened.
She was unable to move the arm he had been holding.
It would appear they had arrived in daylight and as it was now dark,
it was probable she had been “a prisoner” for quite a while.
It is at this point that I thought the story got so very sad.
This frail old lady began to beg my friend not to let him come home with her.
She became quite upset.
For whatever reason this caused her husband to change.
Unaware of what he had done, he began to call her name and kiss her hand,
beseeching her to calm down.
He became the man who obviously loved her deeply,
the one she was married to before Alzeimers.
It was decided to have the ladies arm checked out,
and my friend left them in the care of an ambulance crew.
However it’s a story which has not left me.
We all marry wearing our rose tinted glasses.
Ours is going to be a great life.
We were made for each other.
Yet for all marriages there are tests.
My own Dad got Motor Neurone Disease in his late forties.
My mom who had already looked after her own parents in our home,
now became her relatively young husbands full time carer.
She stuck with him, through the darkest of days, “until death they did part”.
A friend of mine also told me of an elderly gentleman she knows.
For the past fifteen years he has gone to visit his wife in a nursing home.
For many years now she has no idea who he is, yet he has lunch with her every day.
Some people say “til death do us part” but never last that long.
For others it really is the only thing that will ever separate them.
That, to my mind is truly what love is.