Home alone.

I am surrounded by silence.photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mmoraru/2491567810/">wilthaihui</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>
Twenty two years I have waited,
and here it is at last.

However it is not the pleasant quiet,
that I dreamed about.
There is an emptiness,
which I had not foreseen,
and a feeling of loss.

I realize as I sit home alone,
just how loud silence can be.
My time as a mother of young children,
is fast approaching new beginnings.

It is in other peoples houses,
that I now hear the sound of children playing.
It is not me who is being called,
when I hear the cries of a child shouting “Mum”.
My hand is not the one held tightly.small_4142301104 (1)
My shoulder not the one a tiny head is resting on.

I look around my quiet house,
and I wonder.
What it will be like in days to come?

Will it still feel like a home when,
The toys are no longer strewn everywhere?
The dirty plates and cups no longer left in every room.
The hand prints missing from the cleaned glass.
The house tidy and the laundry up to date.
Did I really think it through,
when I wished for these days to come?

A loud bang shatters my peace.
“MUM? Mum we’re home”.
My two youngest burst in.
Sit down beside me,
cast off shoes in every direction,
and proceed to talk non stop.

The quiet of the house is shattered.
Young life has returned.
I put away my laptop and smile thankfully,
knowing I have a bit more time,
before the loud silence comes to stay for good.

photo credit: Tony Abrego via photopin cc

photo credit: wilthaihui via photopin cc

23 thoughts on “Home alone.

  1. Right after my last left for college I turned off the television and just soaked up the silence. Ha ha ha ha! They come home after college with a degree and a boyfriend. There is a constant coming and going when you have children. 🙂

  2. Instead of a loud bang, I thought for sure you were going to say that you or your husband passed gas to disturb the silence. You can’t beat good fart tale ya know…

  3. You never quite get used to that silence. I’m glad it was just a momentary experience. Though sometimes when the house fills up with noise, I find I have lost some of my ability to deal with the noise!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂

  4. They’re never gone for long, tric – even when they have left and have homes of their own 🙄

    The buggers keep coming back – and the first thing they do is check out the fridge and the cupboards for something to snack on

    And no matter how long it has been since they left home, there are ructions if they find you have dared change anything in ‘their’ bedroom since they’ve been gone

    When the time comes, tric, enjoy the quiet while you can – I promise, it won’t last long ! 😆

    1. That is all very reassuring thanks Duncan. It is as if all of a sudden I have gone from a huge squad of kids to occasionally being alone. One in the US, one away working for a week, another one working each day and the small one going to friends houses. I just can’t believe this day has come.

  5. Enjoyed this post. It really makes you stop and think about wishing your kids would grow up so you don’t have to deal with the parenting struggles of their phases, quirks, and habits. But be careful what you wish for because once they grow and leave, those quirks and habits and phases that once exasperated you, you wish you could have them back. I’m trying to embrace all of the little “inconveniences” if you want to call them that. And your post drove home the fact that it doesn’t last and we can’t get it back once it passes.

    1. I am so glad it had that effect on you. I did enjoy the many many years of mothering. I had my own children and the two I minded and often up to three more. The summers, the shouting and the laughter are what I remember and miss most. My youngest is still only eleven and when she has friends over I love it.

  6. I understand this so well, savor every moment, even the challenging ones. I’ve been happy to relive these moments once more with the joys of my grandchildren.

  7. I remember the first few weekends when my children were independent enough to go out without me. After years of craving for ‘me’ time, I realised I just didn’t know what to do with it and found myself waiting for them to come home. I honestly couldn’t remember what I’d done at weekends before I had the children. I’ve enjoyed every single age my children have been (they’re 17 and 19 now) and I love it when they come in and tell me about the things they’ve done and what’s happened to them. Any then there are those really special days when they choose to be with you instead of their friends. Enjoy each moment, and don’t worry about the future.

    1. I’ll try not to. I am already experiencing some of those magic moments with my eldest. I think it was a combination of the silence in my house, and the noise of children in a neighbors garden playing which stirred up this pot of emotions in me.

    1. They have been well warned I am way too young for that! My husband however would have liked at least ten kids. He would happily welcome grand kids any day.

    1. Yes. Even when mine were all young I was very conscious of the fact that someday the house would be clean and tidy. I never really thought about the silence though. Enjoy.

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