Testing marriage.

Have you ever felt your marriage tested? In principle, I’m all for monogamy, love at first sight, him being your best friend and you both living happily ever after, but what about the reality? That first time you look at him and think, ‘Oh dear he’s not so gorgeous now?’ Followed quickly by the memory, that sometime during your wedding day you foolishly promised, ’til death do us part’.

Chances are, if you’ve been married a long time, that there have been many tests of your marriage and then you had children! Is there any greater test than those early years of parenting?

Yet thankfully those years do pass and in this house we have found ourselves almost out the gap. Our children still cause us major angst and upset but we now discover we have time for ourselves, that moment we dreamed of has arrived.

So this week we decided to make use of our new found freedom and, lucky for me, yer man had won a voucher last Christmas entitling us to two nights bed and breakfast and one dinner in a beautiful hotel. I was really looking forward to the break, but as is often the case getting organised was hectic and on more than one occasion I wondered if it was worth it? Having called on friends to cover for me and broken the news to my children that I had only supplied one dinner, it was almost time to go.

I sat for a final cup of tea and smiled, imagining almost three days away. Just the two of us… Himself and myself… Two of us… alone… no distractions.

Oh my God just the two of us… alone… together! What were we going to do? We are married twenty five years and most days barely see each other. Maybe it’s a comment on our marriage but on occasions I have been known to say,

‘Sorry I’ve not seen him’,
‘I’ve not had a chance to tell him yet’,
‘I’m not sure if he’s in’.

What were we going to talk about for three days? Would we kill each other?photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/101587717@N06/16982298150">Ice Cream Dreams</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">(license)</a>

Well today I arrived home… and, you’ll be relieved to hear, so did he! Turns out that even after all this time we still enjoy being together and more importantly laughing together. As for conversation, in the end we had plenty to say to each other but I also learned that sometimes, sitting together in easy silence, watching the world go by, can be just perfect.

photo credit: CarbonNYC via photopin cc
photo credit: Ice Cream Dreams via photopin (license)

34 thoughts on “Testing marriage.

    1. Phew! Hence my online absence although I admit I read a couple of your posts via facebook and thought ‘wow how much have we in common’.

  1. I’m glad you both arrived home safely! I think you’ve passed the test of time for your marriage. Being able to get past the first years of marriage and the infant stage of parenting then the teen years of parenting….yup, if you can still talk to each other or sit quietly with one another, you’ve passed the test.

    1. Thanks Corina. I think with us, as we were young getting married, there was a lot of luck involved, but yes it looks like we’re stuck with each other. 🙂

  2. Good thing it turned out well. I’m the same with my other half… We never talk, but when we do, it’s always interesting! LOL! Going away also sets a different tone, so that may have had something to do with it. Great happy ending, though it seemed, a stressfull start. Best wishes for all your future endeavors together! Perhaps you should do this more often :O)

    1. How right you are, going away definitely sets a different tone I’d not really thought of that. As for your advice I will take it on board, I think more and more of such ‘tests’ are called for. 🙂

  3. That’s such a lovely read! I meant to keep my marriage vows, I really did, and sometimes I wonder do they keep some couples together too long? But luckily not you and your OH, so pleased for you both that the break went well xx

    1. I am convinced a huge part of marriage is luck. We married fairly young and luckily have got to this stage still with a lot in common. It could have easily gone the other way. It’s not always amazing but I do still very much enjoy his company and above all he makes me laugh and therefore happy.

  4. I will admit I’m envious of your time alone together, but very happy for you that you did get those days. And, the tests of marriage can be grueling, can’t they?! Many times I asked myself who the man snoozing in his recliner was. Had he changed or had I?! Now I know it was both of us. There will be many more tests but I’m sure you’ll pass them with flying colors! 😊

    1. Thank you Deb. Yes it is indeed true, we both have changed. My Dad was younger than my other half is now when he died so I appreciate every ‘test’ we will have.

  5. I’ve been absent on here for a long time. Loved this post, needed to be reminded to look for the good in the midst of disappointment. We haven’t been married much longer than you. We are in our 28th year. Sometimes it feels like 50 others like we were just married yesterday. So glad you both arrived home safely and together.

    1. When you used to blog regularly and I got a glimpse into your life I often thought we had ended up in such a similar place after ‘challenging’ starts. Funny thing to say but I think we are lucky.

      1. It is much more than being lucky, I think you and I have both been blessed with the people that can ground us and give us security. My dear heart is still my best friend. He has no problem with me enjoying my creative side with the drawing and writing and I wear ear plugs on a regular basis when he has to bring out his guitar and amp and enjoy his creative side with music.

  6. I have never been married, and have had only one relationship that almost passed the test of time. So I am usually on my own, with no one to talk to but myself (That can cause some angst in anyone around me!), or the cat, and she doesn’t usually stick around to carry on conversation. I feel that I have missed out on a part of life that would have changed my entire existence, but alas, I can be considered a “Senior” now, depending on whatever agency sets the age minimum for such things. I still do yearn that oneness with another human being, sharing life together…

    1. I suppose Karen that marriage or a relationship is indeed wonderful, but only if it is fulfilling. Many stay in relationships or actively pursue them in search of happiness when they would live a happier life without a significant other.

  7. It is wonderful to re-discover yourselves as a couple as the children get older. I admit that the empty nest sorrow I was supposed to get mired in didn’t really happen because it was comforting to get back to having more couple time after many years of a fuller house.

    1. I agree. So far I’m loving my new life with older children, even though the youngest is still only 13. You make me look forward to a future even though I can’t imagine a time without my ‘little ones’ around me.

  8. Glad to hear you both got an A+ on the test. Seems like your marks were well-deserved too. I’m pretty sure I’d need a cheat sheet hidden up my sleeve. “Yes, dear, um… that’s a very lovely, um…. very lovely blouse you’re wearing.”

  9. Ha Trust me this was a very brief synopsis of the couple of nights away. There were many ‘fails’ in there too. I could write a whole other post along those lines.

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