I hate Fathers Day.
Every day for over twenty years,
I have missed my dad.
Once a year I am supposed to forget.
Forget that he missed my wedding.
Forget that he never saw my children,
or held them in his arms.
Forget that I never got to see,
his face light up with pride,
as mine would have,
seeing him hold his grandchildren for the first time.
I am supposed to forget that he died too young,
leaving us all behind.
On Fathers day I hurt.
I hurt so much even after all these years.
How could he be gone?
I have lived half my life with no Dad.
I read heartwarming posts to fathers the world over,
and I hurt,
a deep, painful,burning physical pain.
I want my Dad back.
Even though he would be almost eighty now,
I remember him where we left off.
I was twenty one and he in his early fifties.
I want to go back there,
and have him hold me in his arms,
and reassure me I would pass my nursing exams.
I want to see him dressed up,
to walk me down the aisle.
I want to introduce him to my four children,
and listen to him sing to them.
I would like to have him come to my house,
and fix all the DIY jobs my husband thinks are done well.
I would above all else love to see him,
hold my mum once more and take away her loneliness.
However whilst I battle on Fathers Day to forget,
on other days I remember.
The loving father I have posted about so often.
The quiet, funny, charming man,
who cared so much for his children.
The one who gave me a love of writing,
and taught me,
that it is not always the loudest who speaks the most sense.
The brave man, who faced his illness with great humor.
A wonderful father who has left a hole in our family,
we can never fill in.
On Fathers Day,
I will wish my husband,
the father of my children,
a very Happy Fathers Day.
But personally I will be saying.
Happy Fathers Day Not
For anyone who has lost their Dad,
take a moment to listen to this wonderful song.
I guarantee you will shed a tear,
but it is a fantastic tribute to any Dad.
Posts I have written on my Dad