How lucky am I?

Do you ever begin to write a post,
and another thought takes over?
No matter how hard you try, to continue,
you have to abandon what you are writing,
and listen to your inner voice.

Well today on two occasions,
I began to write,
only to be hijacked by this inner voice.

I wanted to be happy,
and write about something trivial.
But I have had to give in.

Today was my sons graduation mass.
His schooldays are nearly over.
I can no longer pretend he is my boy.
He is well on his way to being a man.

As I sat in the church,
listening to the opening song,
the first stream of tears,
trickled down my cheeks,
I was overcome with a feeling of loss.small__4883636884
My small boy was a thing of the past.

The ceremony began with a presentation of gifts.
The school jumper symbolizing their schooldays,
was brought up to the altar,
among other gifts.
Lastly a lit candle was carried up,
by two parents.
It symbolized their daughter,
who had died just after Christmas,
and had not lived to see her graduation.
She was seventeen.

It was a huge wake up call to me.
My fine strong healthy son,
was in that church,
as happy as could be.
He was saying Good bye to his schooldays,
and hello to his future.

I came home and because of those brave parents,
I decided I would not dwell on my feelings of loss,
as they were pathetic next to what they must live with.
I would definitely write something funny.
A good laugh was required.

I turned on my laptop and that thought left me.
This laptop I use, previously belonged to my daughter.
The screensaver is a photograph of three girls.
My daughter and two of her friends,
at a music festival last August.
They are laughing heartily and obviously having a ball.
Three months later one of those girls,
died suddenly whilst at work.
My daughter was with her.
Sudden adult death was the cause.small__184313180 (1)
She was nineteen.

Today’s experiences have changed my mood.
I no longer feel such a sense of loss.
Instead I feel so lucky.
My children are well,
and have a whole future ahead of them.
I have had such fun rearing them.
I will not look back mournfully.
I will look forward to all that lies ahead.
And tonight when they say “Good night”,
I will hug them a little tighter than usual,
and spare a thought,
for those parents not as lucky as I.

photo credit: JLM Photography. via photopin cc
photo credit: maessive via photopin cc

23 thoughts on “How lucky am I?

  1. It puts everything in perspective for sure. I am finding I am seeing mothering as more sacred lately- with all the stress and money challenges and wondering into the future…I am reminded of how precious it all is.
    And you don’t have to believe in anything in particular to be in touch with that kind of real truth. Many who claim to believe are missing the boat I think.
    Your inner voice is lovely.
    Much love-

    1. Sorry Laurie I was out and for some reason your comments need approval, it must know your usually trouble! Ha ha. Thank you so much for your comments. It was sobering alright but ultimately helps me appreciate what I’ve got.

    1. Thank you. It is good sometimes to get perspective served up on a plate, because I know I loose sight of it regularly. Thanks again for commenting and following. I checked you out briefly early today, but am able to relax and read at my leisure now. I hope you have a great day.

  2. This post is indeed a wake up call. Too often, we get too caught up in our own “misery” but really, we should always try to count our blessings. I guess I have reached a point in my life where I would be contented so long as my loved ones are healthy and happy. Thank you for another beautiful inner voice post. These are my favorites 🙂

  3. Thank you for checking out my blog…it allowed me to see yours. I have read many of your blogs already, and I really enjoy your writing. I can’t wait to read the others..

    1. Thanks. The feeling is mutual. That is what I love about wordpress. Discovering new blogs and posts that make you laugh, cry or tear your hair out.

  4. Yes, we are all lucky aren’t we? I keep a poster in my office to remind myself to cherish the present, and that happiness is a choice. Carpe diem 🙂

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