Have Faith?

I am aware that religion is very important to many.
This post is not intended to insult anyone.
It is simply my thoughts on a page!
I did a post last week,
“Miracle or coincidence” which has made me think.
For many who read it,
it proved without doubt that God is real.
For others it was an amazing co-incidence.

All week I have been thinking about it.
I like to question everything.
I have asked myself,small_3742424921
Do I really not have any faith,
or am I just lying to myself?

However I am sure I am not lying.
For some reason just thinking about a God,
makes me angry.
I do not argue with others,
when they speak of faith or God,
but inwardly I do not agree.
I can see how people can believe,
and how they can gain great comfort in that belief.
And I am genuinely happy for them.
For myself however I cannot.

I was reared a Catholic,
in a country where the vast majority shared the one religion.
So when did I loose my faith?

I am not sure exactly when,
but definitely as a teenager I questioned.
Initially I questioned the rules and beliefs of Catholicism,
No divorce, no contraception, intolerance to homosexuality.
But I am not sure if I still believed in a God.

However, watching the good man who was my Dad,
slowly wither and die,
definitely did not help my faith.
Going to his funeral,
and listening to the priests opening words,
“Forgive John”,
definitely did not help.
Nursing a beautiful, young vibrant mother,
with three children,
die of cancer,
whilst assuring me that God is good,
definitely did not help.

Tonight I will head over to my buddies young boy,
who has leukemia.
He is a child.
He lives in a family of “good catholics”.
They have great faith.
And I question.
How can anyone believe a God would ever allow this to happen?

I am told to look at the miracle of birth,
see the beauty in nature,
look at the amazing things that happen,
and I should see God.
Well where is he?small__6338557870
I am going to see a handsome, young boy,
with his whole life ahead of him,
who has been hit with Cancer.
Don’t tell me Jesus is carrying him and his family,
because that just doesn’t do it for me.
He will be having a bone marrow transplant soon.
In my opinion, science will make him well.

For me God, Buddha, Mohammad, or whoever do not make sense,
The only thing that makes sense to me,
is that this is nature.
Our bodies break down.
Genetics has a part,
so does environment and lifestyle.
We are all going to die.
I do not look forward to that day,
but I do not fear it.
I have no idea if I am right or wrong.
Maybe God is shaking his head at me.
But what I do know is that I am alive and kicking.
Today at this moment all my family are well.
Someday this could change.
Until then I intend to live in the here and now,
and enjoy every second of it!

photo credit: h.koppdelaney via photopin cc

photo credit: blmiers2 via photopin cc

20 thoughts on “Have Faith?

    1. Thank you. I was not sure whether to post as I wrote this earlier and it is so hard to see my friends little boy sick so was feeling quite cross, but yikes I pressed publish and as you say it is my honest thoughts.

      1. I get that feeling a lot when I press post.
        Keep listening to your heart. ♡
        We’re all figuring this stuff out together as we search for our own truth.
        I do know that if I hadn’t gone thru some of the things I did, I wouldn’t be where I am. I have seen great suffering and darkness and also great love and healing. Maybe it could be the same in the world. I struggle with the same questions.
        Have a nice Mother’s Day.

  1. Faith is a difficult and complex thing. It’s hard to accept any sort of divinity in trying times, but I think that’s where it’s found. Which probably is exactly what you don’t want to hear. All I can wish for you is happiness and joy whether you find it through faith or not. And comfort through your pain. Hang in there, Ireland. 🙂

    1. Thanks. I was a bit off yesterday! Then last night my little buddy became unwell so he had to be admitted. He will be in now for 5/7 days. He is only home five since his last hospitalization and will probably have transplant in next few weeks so will be gone for up to 12 weeks. Time at home is precious. But today is a new day, I’ll buck up! Thanks again.

  2. I’m a free-thinker myself, and I share your thoughts. I respect all religions, but I’ve always had questions.

    Buddhism is in fact a philosphy – there is no praying to any god. Do allow me to share a quote from the Buddha which sums up what you mentioned: Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

    I hope your friend’s son’s operation will be a success.

  3. How I wish I had the answer’s for you. I doubt anyone does..you need to find yourself. I wish you luck and I hope your little buddy gets home soon! My prayers (to whoever) go out to you and all your loved ones.

    1. Thank you. I was feeling life was very hard and unfair for some last night. Probably not a good time to ponder and post! I am trying to move on today. Thank you so much i know his parents and myself would be most grateful for your prayers and thoughts.

      1. Oh, life is very unfair..and whether a higher being causes it or ignores our pain or we are just left on our own to deal with the sorrow..it hurts! Glad you’re feeling a little better and you did the right thing by writing about your feelings. No one here judges!

  4. Thought-provoking post indeed. I agree that the power of “Now” and living the present fully is awesome. Here is a good and relevant quote from “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle: “As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love – even the most simple action.” Cheers!

  5. I think you’re very brave to look the world in the eye like that. To me, it’s absurd – though sad – that we thank god for what goes right in our lives, and somehow slide over what goes wrong (all part of His Plan) as if he can’t be blamed, only credited. As you say, it’s only nature.

    1. Thank you. Although one blogger commented on my previous post, that he thinks that we do not know enough yet and in time we might know more. He likened it to the fact that years ago people looked to the horizon and believed that to be the edge of the world. I liked that even though it doesn’t change me but it made me think.

  6. I have christian and muslim friends and they are lovely people. I respect their beliefs but do not share them.

    I, myself, abandoned christianity at a very early age – I kept running away from Sunday School ! 😆

    I could never understand, even at that young age, why a father would love us lot more than his own son. Nor why he would send his son to be killed by us – try that now and social services would be on to him !

    And as for the idea that God sent his son to die for our sins? Ministers and priests have tried to explain this to me, to no avail – it’s just balderdash that makes no logical sense at all

    Then when I got older and learned that Mary was originally described as ‘‘unmarried’ when she gave birth to Jesus, and that the church later equated ‘unmarried’ with being a ‘virgin’ I threw my hands up. I had unmarried cousins who had become pregnant and no bugger thought they were still virgins (mary and Joseph were lucky DNA testing wasn’t available 2,000+ years ago)

    Doubting both the birth and the death of Christ, it is no wonder I became an unbeliever !

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