There I am in the paper #8

This weeks article in The Examiner’s Feelgood supplement…and yes it’s a true story!

Help! It’s that time of year when the world goes shopping mad. Sadly, in order to receive presents myself I must shop for others, including my children who demand more than a gift voucher. As I moan daily they advise me to, ‘make a list’. This is a most unhelpful piece of advice; given the fact I hate lists. On occasions however I have no choice but to write one, usually when I’m desperate, which roughly translates to once a year… at Christmas. It doesn’t always mean all goes well though, take last Christmas for example…

It was coming ever closer to the big day and I was greatly enjoying the atmosphere with decorations, fires by night and scented cinnamon candles, while actively avoiding all shops or talk of presents. Yet thoughts of shopping were seeping into my subconscious,photo credit: tanakawho <a href="">My dream shopping list</a> via <a href="">photopin</a> <a href="">(license)</a> turkey…stuffing…presents…wrapping paper. The clock was ticking and I couldn’t ignore it forever. After several sleepless nights, fretting over all the things I didn’t do the previous day, I awoke one morning with a renewed resolve to get myself in gear. Cup of tea in hand I began my, ‘things I should do today’ list. Unfortunately, once I’d it written, a wave of peace washed over me. Done. Delighted with myself I hung it up in the kitchen for days, nodding and smiling at it when it caught my eye, but never actually doing anything listed.

However, it would seem as if December ticks by faster than any other month and unfortunately I could no longer ignore my near faded list.  Growling one morning, I packed my list and credit card into my back pocket and braved the crowds, many of whom I suspect also write lists and ignore them until the last minute!

The joy of Christmas means endless queues, car parks full to bursting and the fear as you hand over your credit card that the machine will spit it out laughing. Determined to get everything in one go, I queued endlessly, buying all on my list, plus a large number of items definitely not on it. With my trolley filled to overflowing I heard myself humming ‘it’s the most wonderful time of the year’.

Packing Christmas into a car takes effort. By the time I was finished, a mortgage in plastic bags filled the boot, back seat and floor. Pausing to congratulate myself the distant sound of my phone ringing from beneath the shopping disturbed me.

“I’m finished” I announced to my phoning friend, dazzling passers-by with my smile. As we continued to chat I gazed in admiration at my many purchases before something caught my eye. A DVD lay on the floor. It wasn’t one I’d recently purchased. As my buddy gossiped on I looked around, noting this car I sat in was spotless… A holy medal hung over the mirror…an unfamiliar scarf lay on the passenger seat.

“Oh no!” I exclaimed, in a pitch so high only neighbouring dogs heard, “I’m in the wrong car!”

“What?” said my friend.

“Me… and all my shopping…we’re in someone else’s car!”

With lightning speed, I hung up, unpacked Christmas and repacked it once more in my own less spotless car, which was a mere two spaces away. Driving home, I made a decision not to share my unfortunate tale with anyone.

“Did you get everything on the list?” chorused my gang as I arrived home.
“I did indeed” I said, “and to celebrate I bought us all cake. Will one of you bring it in, it’s on the front seat?” Moments later my daughter returned. “Where did you say it was?”
I froze, clearly remembering placing it with care on the front seat of the car… the other car!

So whoever you are, wherever you are, “You’re welcome.”

photo credit: tanakawho My dream shopping list via photopin (license)

13 thoughts on “There I am in the paper #8

    1. I’m not sure but I think it’s the same as yours. 🙂
      Since I began writing this column I’m fascinated by what rich pickings my life provides.
      My kids think the fact I can write a post about a pillow proves I’m a little touched.

      1. Much like life’s catastrophes that are distilled into comedy after a bit – your brood will be bragging about you soon enough. What about the one about the white sofa? You’ll HAVE to slip that one into a column *Mutley wheeze*

        1. You mind reader…watch this space. It may or may not make the cut and you can wait with eager anticipation to hear how we are getting on.

  1. I did that one time when I was in college. I used my key to unlock the door of a white van, got in and looked in the back seat and saw a baby car seat. What puzzles me to this day is that these vans were totally different brands the only thing they had in common was they were both white, but my key worked perfectly, it even started the van. I quickly got out, locked the door and slunk a couple cars over to my van. Then quickly left to pick up my elementary age kids from school. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas season. May it be filled with peace and joy.

  2. I wish someone would leave a cake on my front seat. A chocolate cake with chocolate icing. And can I please have some French vanilla ice cream to go with it? It’s a dark blue Prius. And the cake will only fit on the front seat. The rest is littered with food wrappers, stray Legos, crayons (pieces of crayons because Spencer loves breaking them into pieces), jackets, even shoes, and two car seats! And thank you, very much!

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