From the moment we conceive,
there are expectations and standards,
applied to our children.
Anything outside the norm is noted.
“Your baby is small for dates”.
or
“Your baby is big for dates”.
Even during labor,
our baby is expected to be born,
within a certain time frame.
Some hospitals have very strict guidelines on this,
And for many,
their first taste of failure as a mum is,
“failure” to progress,
“failure to deliver naturally,
Or
“failure” to go into labor at all!
No parent is happy to fail.
We are even less prepared to see our child fail.
Regardless of how “average” we are,
Every parent would like their child,
to be “exceptional”.
Especially first children.
(we live and learn!).
So the comparisons begin.
As we travel through our babies first year,
we are ever conscious of the milestones our baby should meet.
Is your baby smiling?
“Oh dear, shes 5 weeks,
and no smile,
maybe shes a grumpy baby!”
Is she sitting up yet?
Nope! Not even nearly.
Then the real comparisons hot up.
Is she standing?
Dear God! Shes only just safely sitting,
after weeks of topping over!
And the equivalent of Olympic gold to a parent.
Is she the youngest of your friends kids to walk?
No! You cant believe it
your husbands back is broken,
trying to make her walk for hours at a time
and she is still a wobbler!
Then we move on to speech.
Some children learn very quickly.
You know the ones.
Their parents are so proud.
We all have to listen,
to them singing,
endless songs and nursery rhymes,
whilst our (obviously slow) child,
smiles happily and claps.
Its time to go to school.
Parents just cant help themselves telling you,
“He writes so well”.
Yikes! You thought all kids essays,
were as badly written as your childs.
“We’re sending him to art classes,
he’s gifted”.
You usually say to your child,
“I love it”,
but have no idea what “it” is!
“She is very popular in school,
loads of friends”.
Oh no. Your little boy could spend hours happily playing alone!
Then just when you thought you could worry no more.
All the moms seem to be whizzing around,
going to “after school activities”.
Football, soccer, basketball, hurling.
Ball sports you didn’t even know existed.
Ballet, drama, dance.
Now your really up against it.
Your child would rather do anything in the world,
than play with a ball.
If your the mum or dad of a boy,
this is a major blow.
Sometimes it takes many years,
for parents to accept this particular “cross”.
Fathers in particular struggle here.
How many reading this,
can look back and honestly realize,
their childs strength did not lie in sport.
They were good.
They enjoyed participating.
But only occasionally,
did they set themselves apart.
They never really reached the dizzy heights you dreamed of!
Everywhere we look,
other peoples children seem to be outclassing our own.
In time with the benefit of hindsight,
we can look at our own children s development,
during these years.
We can see,
that from the very beginning,
they were “themselves”.
With their own inbuilt wiring.
Sporty, academic, sociable, creative.
Some showed real promise in the early days.
First to walk, sit up, talk,
others achieved at their own pace.
However by the time all these children are teenagers,
things can look very different.
Many parents of these “exceptional” babies,
have discovered,
it was the extra hours,
put into them,
that gave them a head start.
Now all those “slow” babies have grown up.
They can all smile, sit up and walk.
Their education is to a reasonable standard,
and they have friends.
Time will tell who is truly gifted.
The vast majority will be average.
And for me “average” is Great!
After I had my first baby,
I bowed out of the achievement category.
I watched my second child,
laugh heartily,
as he sat on the floor,
watching the other toddlers run past him.
He was in no rush to join them.
I had unknowingly entered a new category.
As long as my child was the happiest.
He was a winner!
photo credit: mytoenailcameoff via photopin cc
photo credit: Neeta Lind via photopin cc
photo credit: macwagen via photopin cc
photo credit: Glass Eye Ball It via photopin cc
My thoughts on a page. 
Beautiful. I think my children are exceptional but I still worry sometimes because they aren’t like ‘everyone else’. Parenting…it should come with a manual! 😉
And an on/off button! I suppose thats the thing what is average? They are all amazing to their parents!
My daughter’s soccer skills bring me great shame…lol.
My middle boy didn’t walk until he was 20 months old and G$ is nearly 2 and doesn’t say many words that make any sense to the wife and I. Were either of them our first kids, we’d have been more concerned, but we know they’ll figure it all out eventually. Well, G$ might not, but the middle one will.
Oh the joy of just letting them be! My 2nd didn’t speak until he was well past 2. All he said was “yeh yeh” and “ta ta”. he was sent to speech therapy at 4. During the assessment the girl showed him a picture of vegetables and asked him what they were. He said “Cawots an pees an bocli” She said “You can call them vegetables”. He was no fool and new he wasn’t able to say that so he looked at her and then clapped and said “wow you ah bewy good a this! He caught up eventually, and gave us some hilarious moments along the way!
Hi. Thanks for the vote of confidence. I’d say you were an “exceptional” baby!
laughing baby photos always make me smile. And yeah, this whole achievement race is silly. In their way parents are right – every child is an amazing prodigy. But just in and of itself, not relative to others.
Yeah. Life has taught me, happy children is success in any form and not guaranteed. Time is a great teacher! Thanks for reading.
The pressure we feel for our kids to fit it, and reach their milestones. I often find daycare providers like to put all th kids into the same box, and god forbid your doesn’t conform or be a sheep. I am. Glad to have an out of the box individual does everything ather own pace kid.
I love the zany kid. As you say “the out of the box” kind of kid.We know all children are different and unique. Then we spend 18 years trying to make them conform, not for us but for others! Luckily most survive. Thanks for joining in. I appreciate it.
Love it!
Amen.
🙂
I wasn’t the chosen gifted one in my family. Now my mom sees my gifts. My little sister did really well in school (“gifted”) but struggles more than average.
I believe we all have gifts.
Much love!
Thanks. Your blooming nicely in your old age!
😉
Omigosh that picture at the end sent me over the moon, what a DOLL! 🙂
Thanks. Sometimes the photos take longer than the post!
I loved that pic.
Great piece. I might add that it is awfully difficult to be encouraged after the doctor hits your bottom when you come out in this world…you just get out, and someone is slapping you around already!
Ah, this is all so true. We do love a yardstick I think! A wise woman said to me once that the one thing she would wish for her children is that they grow up to be “ordinary”. I didn’t understand at the time because I wasn’t a mother myself but I completely get it now. Being extraordinary comes with extraordinary challenges too. Lovely, insightful post.
Thank you so much. Funny I always wish for my children to be average because middle of the road is never lonely and definitely way less complicated. Mind you I wouldn’t send back a genius or millionaire! 🙂