Because I cannot call you

On my kitchen table sit this bunch of flowers. They may seem ordinary to you, pretty but nothing special, that’s because you are not me. Freesia have a special meaning to me and will forever be ‘our’ flowers, mine and my dads.freesia

Happy Birthday Dad. Today I cannot pick up the phone and call you, nor will I drive to Dublin to hug you. I am not even close to stand by your grave. But that doesn’t stop me thinking of you.

Yes the years tell me it’s been twenty nine years since I last saw you, but in reality that’s not true. For last night, as I closed my eyes just after midnight, I saw you as I wished you, ‘Happy Birthday.’ And upon waking early this morning, I watched you lean close to kiss mum, as she too whispered birthday wishes to you.

Grief is a lifetime of hurting but it is also an expression of love.

Love you Dad, always.

Happy Birthday. xxxx

photo credit: Martin LaBar (going on hiatus) via photopin cc

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24 thoughts on “Because I cannot call you

      1. It was beautiful. I know you and I don’t exactly share the same beliefs. But I believe he feels your love. I can never wrap my head around the concept of love dying. ONce it’s expressed, it’s forever.

  1. Ah Freesia! My favourites!. I can almost smell the beautiful scent just at the mention of the name. What wonderful flowers for both of you to have had as your special ones! Happy birthday to your gentle Dad, and happy Dad’s birthday to you too.. I am sure he was particularly close to you today!

    1. He certainly was close, in my thoughts anyway.
      Funny you would call him gentle, that is one of the abiding memories I have of him, his gentle ways.

  2. I know from your earlier posts how tremendous a blow the loss of your father was for you, Tric. It’s a tribute to him that he’s still so dearly missed after all these years.

  3. Grief is a lifetime of hurting but it is also an expression of love.Such true words Tric. You brought several tears to my eyes reading this – freesia was the flower my beloved Mum bought me every year on my birthday.

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