This is my life.

Today my brother wrote me a letter. He did so because he had read a hate filled post online, related to the upcoming gay marriage referendum. For awhile he was upset and mad, before realising that was not the person he was. Insteadphoto (42) he put pen to paper in a piece he titled ‘This is my life’. He is happy for me to post it here, and I am honoured to do so. For me it says it all.

This is my life.

My darling sister….since we were children together I have always felt you have known my inner soul.Our childhood games of playing exotic languages…dressing up….climbing hills, getting scratched and bruised…dirty and dishevelled in Donegal hills… forged a bond so strong that time,distance or living separate lives can never untangle.
You are me,and I am you.

When I walked you down the aisle, many years ago,trying hopelessly to fill Dads shoes,I was the proudest man in the world.
I beamed with pride,looking at the happy smiling faces looking at the pair of us…a real couple of swells…not a mucky pair of kids coming back from childhood adventures,rather two siblings, proudly marching down an aisle…declaring a mature,loving and well considered decision to send you off on a journey of a lifetime..a voyage so exciting and joyous that folks came from far and near to witness,with big hats,bigger hair, mandolins, guitars …and lashings of wishes of LOVE AND HAPPINESS for you and your wonderful husband,starting off on life’s roadphoto (41) together.

Years passed and I saw you and your family grow, develop and thrive.I watched from afar my closest pal,my confidante develop and grow into all that our Mum and Dad could ever have wished for….such a beautiful girl as you..after some very trying and difficult years….you really were a Rose, blooming through the snow.
I watched, I smiled, but in my own heart I ached with loneliness.

Years passed and despite a few futile and very unfair dalliances on my part, with some truly wonderful and exceptionally beautiful women…I came to the crossroads…..MY CROSSROADS.
Following a period of ill health,I had a few missing years,when I misbehaved in spectacular fashion…pretending that This Life was not so bad after all…..I rocked and rolled…lurching from one weekend to the next…convincing myself that the folks I met along the way were entirely adequate to meet MY needs…
I had such a loving heart and happy soul…I fully expected to experience it in all the friends and lovers I met along the way

How wrong I was. Most everyone I encountered was filled with dread, fear, self loathing and hurt. I lost count of the amount of times I fell in love, all the while hiding behind the facade of a young eligible but deeply flawed and troubled soul.


NEVER in my wildest dreams could I have imagined what it felt like!…This is what all the feckin songs were about! This is how our Mum looked at Dad….THIS……THIS…was something I had honestly never felt possible. This was, FullSizeRenderin my mind..a gift from GOD,the universe…or whatever you believe in. This was life.

You know me sister dear…..How I like to sing…..Jesus,how I wanted to sing….If I could…I would have gone on the LATE LATE SHOW and sang my heart out!
Perhaps for the best..that never happened .At the end of the day…it really was not such a seismic event…it happens every day…millions of times all around the world. BUT FOR ME …AND MY HEART IT WAS A FIRST.

We all know that in two weeks time I…along with about 400,000 other Irish people have to go to polling stations to ask YOU, my sister, my friend, my equal…IF …if I am so lucky…if WE are so lucky..if WE are so blessed, that if WE fall in love…and that IF WE are ALLOWED to marry ….OUR TRUE loves…maybe…maybe you just might say yes?

Your ever loving brother….Michael

63 thoughts on “This is my life.

  1. I am speechless, welling up and speechless, such a beautiful letter Tric, it really does say it all………

    1. Thank you Nicola. I’m hoping when he reads the comments on this page he will know so many of us will say “YES’.

      1. I’ve shared this, I hope you don’t mind, if it persuades anybody who has any doubt about their vote to make the right decision….

  2. Great post!
    Such a wonderful and powerful letter. It is evident you too are very close, and that your dear brother has been hurting for a really long time.

    This life is so short and finding true love is so rare that I don’t know why anyone should be prevented from declaring it to the world like every one else. It saddens me and yet there is such turmoil and upheaval around this one topic that in many cases I wonder if it won’t be easier to simply live as a couple and have a Will in place to express specific wishes at the time of one’s passing or a LIVING Will should other important decisions need be made before passing.

    But those thoughts are simply out of my need to be nonconfrontational and I completely understand my views are but my own and that many others would prefer equality in All THINGS, especially this issue – – Now!

    My heart goes out to him and all the others facing this battle head-on. Blessings to you and your lovely brother. Hoping he and all the others get their wish soon.

    1. Thank you so much.
      He and his partner have been together as a couple for close on nineteen years now, but now the door has been opened and they have had the chance to look inside, they have been given the hope, that maybe, just maybe they may one day have the same day out I had, twenty four years ago, when I got married without having to ask anyones permission.
      I dearly hope they are given that right.

  3. What a passionate and beautiful letter. It seems the writing talent runs in the family!

    I really hope it passes. It should be a no-brainer in this day and age but you never really know. I’ll be out on voting day ready to mark the YES box, as will many I know. Let’s show the No voters that hatred and fear can’t win.

    1. Thanks Sadhbh, I taught him everything he knows. 🙂
      As you say it should be a no brainer but I do worry, and will continue to do so until May 22.
      It is awful to see the hatred in the no arguments but hopefully victory will be ours.

  4. Michael, I hope the outcome on May 22nd comes some way in righting the shameful wrongs perpetrated against you and all your friends and peers in the gay community that were condemned to the dread, fear, and self-loathing you mentioned. Thanks for giving permission to share your powerful letter publicly. You will cross my thoughts as the right results comes in on the 23nd. The oceanic roar of Yes is a victory waiting to happen.

    (And I nearly saw tric in a dress *fans self*)

    1. Thank you so much. Michael will be reading your comment but I don’t think he has a wordpress account in order to comment.
      Such is my love for this painful blight from my childhood days, that is my baby brother, I even posted that wedding photo!
      We will have to have an online party May 23rd all going as it should.
      Thanks again for commenting I know it will mean a lot to him.

  5. Love is love no matter the gender. I have friends and a niece who are gay and their love, with all the usual ups and downs, is as beautiful as any. Gays should be able to marry. Not marrying does not make the gayness go away; creating a fake heterosexual relationship does not ‘fix’ the gayness. The only two people who should care what others think are themselves. I hope gays will be able to marry in Ireland and in any other country they wish.

  6. Oh so beautiful! I see the writing gift is shared in your family! I send my support from far away Hawaii in the U.S., where we finally have the right to marry who we love! So many places in the world are coming to their senses, and understand that love is love, and we should all be free to marry the person we love. It has always seemed simple to me… many blessings, Lucia

    1. Here’s hoping this is it, that Ireland will be the first country in Europe to vote this in with a vote by the people, not the government.
      We wait nervously!

  7. All I can say is “wow”-I struggle that our countries make things so difficult for people at times. While I know your faith is not as mine is I do struggle with this on a daily basis with my Church. I believe the God I know and l love has created us to all be loving towards one another.

    1. I get your religious quandary, but when you have a sibling you have loved so deeply all your life it makes the decision easier.
      His description of love for him says it all for me, as this is how it was, and thankfully still is for me.
      I firmly believe he deserves to be my equal.
      Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment and think. That is all I ask.

  8. I’m voting Yes but only because there is not an About Bloody Time option on the ballot paper.

    1. Hahahaha. Thanks J.D I too would like such an option along with, ‘why the feck are we even having to think about this one’ and ‘if you vote want to vote no, don’t’

  9. this gave me chills, it was so honest and beautiful. i have my fingers crossed that people will do the right thing on the ballot )

  10. What a beautiful letter from your brother and a testament to your love for each other. I hope Ireland chooses love and that the US does as well. I’m counting on the triumph of love over fear.

    1. Thanks, I really hope so. I have no doubt that if it doesn’t happen this time that it will happen some time, but I want to be a part of that Ireland, the one that makes the right decision.
      It looks like many states in the US are following suit, but for us it is not a government vote, but a referendum. Fingers crossed.

  11. I remember when Ellen Degeneres went to the streets and asked people if they believed in “gay” marriage. Many said no….and gave their reasons. She would follow it up with “how would my marriage to the woman I love hurt you?” Guess what their answers were? No one could come up with an answer. Of course, you and I (and Ellen) know it’s not “gay” marriage. It’s ‘just’ marriage. And it’s not hurting anyone but those who think they have the right to determine who can and cannot love. I’m still holding out that Ireland will change the course of history and there will be a boon in weddings come June!!!!! 🙂

    1. Wouldn’t that be great! Some days I think, ‘of course it will pass’, but then I hear some nonsense on the radio and I wonder.

  12. Such as lovely letter Tric. Well done to Michael for being so open and honest. I am really nervous about this referendum, I hope all the people who want a yes result will actually come out and vote on the day. Everyone should have the choice to marry the person they love. x

    1. Thank you, he is a lovely writer, and an even more lovely person. He, his partner and so many others deserve to be treated like everyone else.
      In the end it will come down to how many came out to vote. If it’s big numbers ‘yes’ should win.

  13. Tric,all I can say is “Wow!” Such a powerful, and yet lovely, letter. State by state here in the US we have the same issue. I don’t understand why anyone who has found love would deny the same joy and privileges to another. Hopefully the referendum will pass. Hugs to you, and to your brother.

    1. Thank you so much. I too can’t understand it at all, but there are many ‘no’ voters out there.
      We will just have to wait and hope. I’ll keep you posted.

    1. Thank you, he’s better than me I’ll have to admit. If we get a big turn out it should go the right way, but will we?

  14. What a great brother-sister pair you are! And both so lucky to have found a life partner. I sincerely hope that the referendum will pass so that Michael can have a wedding as joyous as yours was.

    1. We go back a long way alright Joanne. You are right when you say we are lucky to have found a life partner, not everyone gets that chance. I’m not sure if my brother would even marry, but I want him to have the opportunity.
      Thank you.

  15. There shouldn’t even be a vote, the law should be updated without asking people whom it has nothing to do with for permission. That would be true equality. I so hope that it passes

    1. I used to think that asking the country to vote was the most democratic way to sort this out, but over time I have begun to think like you. It should be a matter of correcting the mistake in law.
      We wait and we hope.

  16. What a wonderful letter Michael, written from the heart. Lets hope it opens many a heart & that people use their vote on 22nd to vote yes & make all couples, regardless of gender…equal

    1. How lovely to see you here Theresa. Welcome.Thank you so much. All we can do is vote. Michael is very talented in the writing department. Thank goodness he doesn’t blog or I’d be left in the shade.

    1. Thanks so much. I hope you are nearly over your tears now. You recently wondered about bringing a second child into the world and how it would impact on your little one, just look at the wonderful relationship Mike and I have had and put all your worries away. xx

    1. Thank you. Yes that line is a real revelation. We all remember what it feels like to love for the first time, I’m so happy he has.

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