Are you a writer? A Blogger? Do you write stories, or books? Have you been published? Last Saturday as some of you may remember, I went to a book launch. I loved it. It was like moving to a parallel universe inhabited by people who write. In my everyday life I am known as many things, a mother, a wife, a coach, a friend, perhaps even to some, a pain in the ass, but not a writer. Some people I know read my blog, which I still find mortifying, but most have no idea how many hours of every day I spend writing.
When I say writing, I don’t mean actually ‘writing’ as that really doesn’t take up half as much time as it should. What I do mean is that during the day my mind often takes off to the land my stories live in. As I drive along I wonder if my latest character will tell her secret, or if another character will die? I laugh aloud at the crazy situations I imagine the wife, in another one of my stories, keeps getting herself into and I spend a ridiculous amount of imagination on other Monty Python moments for her.
Eventually a time comes in every day when I sit to write and despite all my previous imaginings about my stories, I usually just sit there wondering, where will I start? Facebook calls me, emails call me and somewhere in between I begin. However I cannot just take up where I left off. I have to get back in character again, and that means re reading what I’ve previously written. Sometimes I read and re connect but nine times out of ten I edit. Mistakes jump out at me, screaming to be fixed. That would be okay if it were just spellings or grammar errors, but often it’s something someone said or did and I’m thinking, ‘there is no way they’d say or do that’ . So I begin to rewrite. ‘It’ll only be a few lines’, I think before I realise I’ve spent ages on my edit and none at all on progressing the story. By the time a cup of tea calls me I’m annoyed that I’ve made such little progress even if I’m happier with the changes I’ve made.
There are times when I wonder will I ever finish the stories I’ve begun? Will I ever believe them to be good enough? Will I be proud of them? Am I just someone who can’t see a story through to the end?
The other night, at the launch of Carmel Harringtons third book, Every time a bell rings, I listened and wondered at the difference between Carmel and I, or anyone who has published a book? Why have I not sat down to seriously write that book I have in my head?
Having thought about it many times I still have no answer. Sometimes I wonder if I just love to create the story but haven’t the determination to finish? Or is it lack of confidence? Or fear? Laziness?
I’ve no idea. What I do know is that this morning I was determined to take out one of my stories and move it on, maybe even finish it. What did I do?
I wrote this!