I am okay.

For as long as I can remember I have been a fighter.
I fought with my brothers and sisters,
I fought with my parents,teachers and friends.
I hated rules and conformity,
I did not wish to follow a leader.

When I was a teenager life was hard for me,
and my family never knew.
What they saw was extreme anger.small__8541267715
Regularly I heard,
“If you were up North, you’d be throwing bombs!”.
( a reference to the troubles in Northern Ireland)

However my fighting nature has probably saved me.
I fought back against the one who stole my childhood,
and I fought back against sadness and grief when my Dad died.
I was strong.

Yet over time I was tiring.
I had managed alone for so long,
I did not know how to ask for help.
And my family were probably fed up trying.

Luckily for me,
someone chanced my way and changed my world.
Slowly but surely his quiet ways,
managed to put out the flames of anger.
Although some days he may disagree!

Because of the way I structure my writing,
many think that what I write on my blog is meant to be poetry.
Well it isn’t, and I am too stubborn to change to a more formal sentence structure.
So today I am doing something I have never done before.
I really am posting a poem.

Here it is just for my fire extinguisher!

I can do it, I’m okay,
Are the words you’ll hear me say.
whilst inside I battle onward,
struggling badly on the way.
9 Crimes

No matter what the issue,
sometimes major, often minor.
I would rather die a death,
than seek assistance from another.

Sometimes, no one knows I’m battling,
It’s a fight within my mind.
Sometimes it’s fairly obvious,
but always help would be declined.

There were times within my life,
that my troubles overwhelmed,
and still I soldiered on alone,
despite love of family and friends.

small_7656748396
It has taken someone special,
to walk with me in sinking sand,
and not ask or offer help,
but just hold me by the hand.

To quietly take over,
and relieve the hurt and pain,
then casually walk onward,
and never mention it again

Do I thank you? Do I hell!
Why would I after all,
Because I’m okay, I can manage,
If I needed help I’d call.

photo credit: @rtimage – Debora Bogaerts via photopin cc
photo credit: faungg via photopin cc
photo credit: lanier67 via photopin cc

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12 thoughts on “I am okay.

  1. This was a fantastic post and I like your style just the way it is , don’t go changing it just to conform. Your poem was beautiful and touched me too because since a young age I’ve pretty much had to look after myself, and like you, it is near impossible for me to reach out and ask anyone for help, so I identify with what you feel so clearly. Happy you found a partner to stand with you, I await patiently for mine )

    1. Thank you. It is always great to get feed back. My dad always used to say “For every pot there’s a lid”. Not very romantic but I used to think it was a nice thought. Hopefully you’ll find your lid some day. 🙂

  2. you could have been describing me in this post 😯

    are we related ?

    I’m beginning to think I’m your long lost uncle !

    [do you have a strawberry birth mark on your arse ?] 😆

  3. Phew! What a relief. I thought what you wrote is poetry (I’m clueless!), I tried several ways to see how that “worked!” Of course, I’ve posted a couple of things on my blog and been applauded for my poetry as well. All that to say I’m happy to know I can quit trying to put rhyme, metre, or some other thing to your articles.

    The little girl looks like she could have been you. I’ve “seen” that look on your face here a time or two!

    1. Ha ha. The written word is so governed by rules. I write it that way as it fits with how i would speak it. It is also easy for bloggers to skip through my posts and still get what I am saying ( as I know most bloggers speed read). As for that little girl she is so like I was once upon a time you are so right. I am laughing at bloggers praising your poetry.

    1. Thank you very much. That is good to know. My fire chief is a good one alright. I hope he doesn’t read me saying that though, the poem was enough.

  4. definately one of the power points of what you write is the structure of it it. it seems a correct connect. the way its framed is right for it. it adds the stately to the simple. its not ‘stubbornness’ its its stave. how its made to behave.yr not hypholutant, (that hyberbol i am hung dry by now). i relate to it as for years i found when i had written words, they came out in short snaps, new line, so yours seem a familiar pattern rhythm.
    because my training is in painting, not writing, i learnt one thing by that art form. there isn’t any training whatsoever, do whatever. not a darn bit of knowledge, only what you can forage. art lecturers are not like literature lecturers! but though hating their lack of discipline at the time, its become the only way i can communicate. also, have you read any Doris Lessing, Doris Lessing, nobel prize winner used crack herself up at academic approaches towards her work. she left school at fifteen and prizes her lack of schooling with her ability to create. so thats the only bone i have to pick with you – don’t pick apart your bones. the witchdoctor has thrown them alright all right. (witchdoctors read piles of bones shaken like dice, a kind of african magic).

    1. I was reading a blog only yesterday where a blogger said she felt since she studied english that she did not write as freely as before. Well I suppose I have no such handicap!
      I still often wonder about how I structure my posts but they are the way I like to write them, in some way I find them easier to read and less intimidating than a lot of text, so I am delighted to know you do not find them off putting.
      I have not read Doris lessing but I will certainly read up on her hereafter!
      Thanks again for showing such an interest in my blog. Your reading is hugely appreciated. Maybe you should begin one yourself!

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