I am married twenty years, and I still hate being a wife.

Yes it is true. Shock horror. I dare to say this out loud. I hate being a wife! If I could turn back time, to the moment when my other half said,small__4510301060 “Will you be my wife?”,
I would say “No thank you!”.

Before we were married, my party piece was the song, “I never will marry”.
Now I admit the song is about love, and the loss felt as a love leaves. However every time I sang it, I sang the lines

“I never will marry, I’ll be no mans wife,
I expect to stay single all the days of my life”,

with great gusto, whilst eyeballing my future husband. However somewhere along the way, my sense of independence left me, and in a moment of great weakness, I forgot my determination to remain single.
When he was asked “the” question, I accepted.

I became a wife.

As the years have passed by, you would think that I would no longer feel like this. But I do. When I hear those words, ‘my wife’,
I cringe and inside I bubble. I’m me, not someone’s ‘wife’.

This morning, as I was cleaning the toilet,small__3250757541 I thought to myself,
“This is a real wifely thing to be doing”. And so this post was born.

So there you have it, now you all know,

I hate being a wife!
And guess what? Now that my husband knows, I will probably hate it even more,
as I can hear him now, joyously introducing me at every opportunity,
with the words,
“Hello, have you met Tric? She is my wife!”.
photo credit: Makena G via photopin cc
photo credit: Evil Erin via photopin cc

63 thoughts on “I am married twenty years, and I still hate being a wife.

  1. Oh yeah..you let the cat out of the bag..he’s gonna play this one for all it’s worth! Make him call you his “Domestic Goddess” and hold back those dinners until he does! 🙂

      1. You are welcome! Thank you for nominating me for all of those awards! I’m getting to them. Slowly but surely. Okay. Really? I’m just getting to them slowly.

        1. You can skip them. The important thing was to mention your blog on mine and hopefully introduce others to your posts. I never miss any of them. You are an amazing mum and Oli and your other children are very lucky.

  2. As a wife who just cleaned a toilet bowl 2 hours ago, I laughed my socks off (I prefer wearing flip-flops anyway).

  3. I am LOVING this sweet post. I feel like I have found a true, independent woman… who happens to be married. Love it!

  4. I guess I am just weird then 🙂 I remember going on book tour, crying the whole time and taking an early flight home. Yep – I guess we are the kind of people that make people say “Get a room!” lol And no, we aren’t newly weds – it’s been 13 years. 🙂

    Your post made me giggle. 🙂 I can tell that despite hating the title you must secretly love being a wife. 😉

    1. I love being married, and I am still mad about my other half but the title “wife” just doesn’t do it for me! Glad your happy, and I too rush home if I have been away.

  5. Anita would have so identified with your last sentence. She hated the fact that if we were being introduced to strangers, the person making the introduction would name me first and her second, along with her relationship to me. It used to drive her mad !

    She was happy if we were announced as “duncan and anita – they’re married (or husband and wife)

    BUT ‘this is duncan and his wife, anita’ was a definite ‘no/no’ – since this form of address implied she was my possession and lessened her value as a person in her own right

    1. Yes. I can see my other half smile when he hears it. And it is particularly annoying when it is said in front of a certain type! I know it is just being tetchy but boy am I tetchy sometimes.

  6. LOL! I don’t mind wife as much as I completely dislike the term misses. For some reason that kills me. I always introduce myself by first name and never by Mrs. W. Funny…the things that bug us.

    1. Thankfully I have rarely been called Mrs. That is an introduction that would make me feel ancient. Yes it is ridiculous what gets us going and we all have different triggers.

  7. Another post that got me thinking, Tric. THanks for your daily contribution to keeping my brain agile 🙂 Cleaning the loo shouldn’t be a wifey thing to do, cos it’s just a thing to do. So why is it always us who does the job? It’s particularly unfair, as we are the only ones who aim straight 😀
    Here in France it is all the fashion for people NOT to get married, because they consider it ” ‘az been”. Then Monsieur promptly introduces Madame as “my wife”. Uh, excuse me, didn’t you say you weren’t married? Arguably, “partner” sounds a bit too primate, and “other half” doesn’t do the job either. Answers on a postcard, please….

    1. I’m glad I am making you think! I don’t like partner, husband or other half. but I use all on my blog as I am supposed to be keeping the anonymity of my family but that’s a joke as two of my brothers have found me on facebook. One of them texted me today telling me about a great episode of “The Good Wife” on tv. Like my husband he doesn’t really take me too seriously.

      1. when Anita (who was a sassenach) met my relatives in Scotland, she liked the way they referred to their ‘man’ or their ‘woman’ (regardless of whether or not they were married or not) when talking about their partner

        1. Yes its funny I don’t mind that either although over here you would mostly hear travelers using those terms. It seems more of a level term, ie husband may be interpreted as superior to wife. Still as you well know it is good to have had the opportunity to have a partner regardless of marriage or name.

    1. Oh I might explode if someone referred to me as “wifey”. We would not have a very long conversation I would think.

  8. I reckon life was more fun in general when I just had a boyfriend.Particularly when he was trying to woo me into bed. That dude was a true charming gentleman….quite unlike the man I live with now!!
    False advertising.

  9. When we married 32 years ago, I took my spouse’s surname. I never got used to being called Mrs. and, around the time of our tenth anniversary, I took my birth name back. Now we are technically, Mr. B. and Ms. C, but I prefer to be called by my first name rather than with a title.

    Whenever possible, I use the word spouse instead of husband/wife, which, now that same sex marriage is legal in my state in the USA, has the advantage of being gender neutral.

  10. I hate being a wife. Why do people get married anyway. It feels much better when we are just partners. I feel suffocated with all the never-ending household responsibilities and expectations, not to mention having to deal with in laws. By getting married, you are also being automatically ‘upgraded’ to daughter -in- law, and that irritates me even more. Having to call some woman a mom when she is not your mom and you are never treated similarly to her own daughter. Having to stay at in law’s house 24/7 with very little time spared for your own parents. Having to cook, clean, and follow your mom-in-law around the house in case she needs anything. Yes, and all this nightmare started after you said ‘I do’. I would not get married if I could turn back time. At least I still get to spend new year eve and public holidays with my parents instead of his parents!

    1. Oh dear you have it rough. I live a long drive from my husbands family and sadly my own too so I don’t have any of the difficulties you have.
      I can imagine being utterly fed up if I walked in your shoes.

  11. Tell your husband to simply change the “W” in wife to an “L”
    I think that works out well!
    He can then say: “Hello, have you met Tric? She is my life”…OR even better…..”She is the love of my life.”

  12. I just got married 8 months ago and I’m starting to hate being married too. My life seemed so much better before O got married. I had a nice one bedroom apartment in a great neighborhood. I had a cool job and a few good friends. I went out all the time. I always had money and I did what I wanted to do. I never had to be an example to anyone or project a stiff false image of being happy and a model wife and step-mom. Now I feel like I’ve gotten much uglier and I’m lucky if I go out once a month now, I hatdly see my friends and I have to put up with new in-laws. All my spouse does is watch sport, eat, poop and sleep! I never have any money, EVER! And I always have to pretend to be happy! I can never do what I want without our plans clashing! I just hate it! its nice to know Im not the only one.

  13. Being a wife — the old fashioned kind — can certainly get in the way of a good relationship. I’ve been happily divorced for a long time. Thanks for commenting on my site. I think I’m going to enjoy following you.

  14. I’m wondering if you are familiar with the author, Judith Viorst? She addresses this and other issues with humour that I think you would enjoy.

      1. She has a lot to choose from so I hope you find something you will like. You may even find one of her essay’s online but I haven’t checked. Enjoy!

  15. I am 27 I’ve been with husband since we we’re 14 we’ve been married 1yr and 6months and its all i ever wanted but i hate it i hate being married i wish we would have jus been a couple i dont want to divorce i wnt to not be married how to tell my husband

    1. I hope it works out for you. It’s early days. Once when I voiced my fears and dislike for it my husband said “let’s not lose the romance” and he was right. Marriage can kill that so try keep it alive.

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