Ground Please Swallow Me Up.

It is a well known fact that as our children get older,
they become increasingly embarrassed by their parents.
Our clothes, hair and fashion sense,
are never up to scratch.
I only have to open my mouth in front of their friends,small_3306618571
and I hear “mom stop”.
Let us not even mention our amazing dancing,
or our desire to kiss or hug our partner.
Demonstrations of either are enough,
to have our children packing their bags.

Well maybe it is just payback?
Because I cannot even count,
the number of times I have been embarrassed,
by the public antics of one of my children.

There was the time one of the kids I minded,
had not one imaginary friend but seven.
The whole cast of the seven dwarfs!
They came everywhere.
Doors had to be held open for them,
and they needed to be fed and played with. 
And the many times my children used inappropriate language,
or threw public hissy fits.

However one moment I remember with great clarity.
Maybe it was because it involved my first child,
and up to then I was unaware such awkward moments could exist,
but whatever the reason nineteen years later as I recall it,
it still makes me cringe.
(Before I share,it is important to note that just that morning,
I had had a battle with my daughter over what she was to wear)

My daughter was all of two years old,
and typical of a first child,
she was not shy,
and had an extensive vocabulary.

The two of us went to our local Chinese take away,small__1194836323
to pick up a Saturday night treat.
As you enter the take away,
there are seats on each side.
The room is tiny,
and the counter quite high up.

This particular night it was busy.
I eventually got a seat,
and my little one was happy to jump around.
She was chatty,
and in the small room appeared very loud.
She was the only source of entertainment,
for everyone who was waiting.

Then the door opened,
and in walked a very large lady.
She was dressed in tight pink leggings,
and a definitely too small red tee shirt.

My small one stopped and stared.
Then she walked up to the lady,
who was now at the counter.
She was looking her up and down.
The lady looked at her and smiled.
I called my little one back,
embarrassed at her staring.

As she approached me,
she said, way too loudly,
“Mom, sure that lady is so not matching?”.

I was mortified.
Yes her observation was true,
and the said ladies choice of attire was questionable,
but what was I to say?

I was aware of the change in atmosphere.
It seemed quieter.
Eyes were averted,
but I knew ears were keenly listening.

“Shhh”, I said.
She slapped me on the leg to get my attention,
“But mom, sure she is so not matching?”, she repeated.
“Stop, that is not nice”, I said,
whilst giving her my special “I might kill you look!”.

Just then our Chinese was ready.
A new receptionist came to the desk to call us.
She was Chinese.
As I approached her to collect and pay,
I was acutely aware of my little lady.
She was staring up at the receptionist.
Then she began to slant her own eyes.
With eyes pulled so slanted she could barely see,
she looked at the receptionist,
and then all around the room.
As the food was being handed over,small_3216279774
my daughter said, “Mom, can her see me?”.

I grabbed my food,
and made for the door as fast as I could.
The last thing they heard was,
“Mom I asked you, could her see me?”.

I recount this today,
and will post it under “humor”,
but if there was a “mortified” tag,
that is where it would be.

photo credit: Haxxah and KraZug via photopin cc
photo credit: hlkljgk via photopin cc
photo credit: chiselwright via photopin cc

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9 thoughts on “Ground Please Swallow Me Up.

  1. Been there, all parents have had their moment of reluctant fame for their kid’s comments 🙂 Mine was with three-year-old Little My at a monkey sanctuary. A baby monkey put his hand in hers for a few seconds, staring into her eyes, then gently removed it and ran away. A dark-haired lady sighed and said “that was beautiful”. My daughter swung around, beamed at her and said “SEE? Even monkeys prefer blonds”. Cue desire for invisibility cloak …..

    1. Its all ahead of you. I can see you bitterly disappointing them in the future. My kids go mad when my husband collects them. He drives too slow, and everything he says is wrong .Even if their friends are not in the car!.

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