I Am Free.

This morning my son stood before me,
towering above me,
and just for a moment I saw him as others do.small__5818319243
A tall, sallow, boy of eighteen,
almost a man,
with a mop of brown hair and a huge smile.

I rarely see this boy.
When I look at him I see a happy, smiling baby.
A toddler who adored his pacifier,
A five year old who thought when people said he had “magic eyes”,
that he could do magic spells by blinking.
A boy who loved to be hugged.

I was taken aback by this moment of clarity.
My children are growing up before my eyes.
My youngest is so tall.
I may fool myself into thinking she is my baby,
but today I saw clearly, she is not.

My eldest is a young woman now,
at twenty one she has the world at her feet.
My middle child is unrecognizable from the child she was,
just two short years ago.

Where has the time gone?
I look outside and see the swing and slide set is quiet.
Yet in my head there are three children swinging and the other three on the slide.
The garden is quiet,small_3750579235
but I still hear the shouts and laughter of the six children,
who wore out the grass in the summer.

Inside my house no longer has a playroom.
Barney dvds do not play on a loop.
Tiny cars and dolls are not to be found on every square inch of the floor.
I would not say it is tidy,
but it no longer has the look of a house filled with young children.

For a moment I felt bereft.
Are the best days of my life over?
I longed for the noise and the mess.
The smell of a newborn,
the opportunity to go back.

Then I heard the phone ring,small_2678310549
“Fancy golf?”
I woke quickly from my melancholy.
I looked at my almost tidy, very quiet,childless house,
and with skid marks behind me escaped out the door!

I have served my time for twenty years,
now I’m free!

photo credit: jdn via photopin cc
photo credit: K. Praslowicz – kpraslowicz.com via photopin cc
photo credit: mikebaird via photopin cc

19 thoughts on “I Am Free.

  1. Enjoy your freedom! I still have young children, but I already miss them as infants and newborns so I imagine it gets worse. I wish I could freeze time right now and keep Cool as a four year old and G$ as 1. They are both at perfect ages. Ace is already too big!!! Aaah!

  2. I thought it would be difficult to “empty nest”, or that I’d miss the job and the kids and the… Whoa! Freedom is a beautiful, beautiful thing. Now all my days are Saturdays.

    1. Great thought “all my days are Saturdays”. I’m not quite there but getting nearer. It should be great. Its up to us to enjoy it. Thanks so much for the comment

  3. Ummm.. is that your son in the picture? For real? If so I would like to discuss an arranged marriage with you, mom to mom. He’s a CUTIE! And I agree that the time goes SO fast and I have many moments when I miss the baby/little person years, but I am looking forward to seeing the amazing things my kids are going to do. πŸ™‚

    1. No that is not my boy. My boy is even more handsome! I am banned from writing about my family (whoops) or putting up photos, so I have stuck to the photos bit. I do still miss having a house of little ones but my husband is even worse! The other day we were discussing how some of my daughters classmates are pregnant. I was saying that it was a pity etc, then he says “I don’t know, a baby coming into a house can never be a bad thing!” I was shocked he is still not over the fact I said no to a fifth baby!

    1. Ha ha… Humor is my first love although I did really feel it all as I wrote it and didn’t know how it was going to end until that call! Divine intervention.

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