So, I’m still alive, just curled up in a ball for a while and trying to make sense of the world we live in. Since the sudden death of Ben’s mum, Elma I’ve found myself questioning everything in life. Most of those questions I’ve asked myself many times before, beginning when my own Dad died so young of motor neurone disease.
Among those questions is,
In the past two weeks, as you can imagine, I, and all who knew Elma village have been asking that very question once again. However as the days have passed I’ve begun to understand that asking such a question is a waste of time. Wondering why and raging at the unfairness of life, are natural reactions, but they only send me down cul de sac’s or around in circles.
Instead I’m getting back on track, closer to acknowledging that life is something precious. We hang on to it by a thread every day. Someday’s we wander along in a haze, one foot in front of the other until before we know it night has fallen and another day is over and we’ve barely noticed.
So I’ve started to ask myself a different question,
‘Did I live today?’
And if the answer is ‘No’ then ‘Why not?’
Life deals some people very cruel hands. I’ve had my fair share over the years, but it is a gift, a privilege to be here sharing it with family and friends. How much we appreciate it is up to each individual, but my intention is, that for as long as I have this gift, I will go to bed at the end of every day, exhausted…from living.