This day twenty one years ago I left home the mother of one. Many hours later my son was delivered. Today he is many miles from home hopefully celebrating his birthday.
As I sit here alone and remember so many wonderful moments I feel a tinge of sadness. So many memories, so many parts of my life, now past tense. My boy is well on his way to becoming a young man, but for me he will always be ‘my wee small boy’.
In memory of all that he was I would like to repost something I wrote two years ago, the night he left for college. Today as I sit here many of those same thoughts echo in my mind.
To those of you struggling with little ones, lack of sleep and frustration I promise it will pass, and some day you too will be sharing precious memories of the life you have lived.
Goodbye for now my wee small boy.
When each of my children were born,
I gave them a gift.
A huge amount of thought went into this gift,
and I can honestly say it meant the world to me.
But to this day not one of my children,
is even remotely interested in it.
It was a song.
Not a song I myself had written,
but one I loved and seem to speak to me about my child.
A while ago my eldest daughter,
left home for the Summer to work in the United States.
I then shared with you all in a post,
my song for my daughter.
The song was called “Feet of a dancer”,
and it was my choice for her,
years before she was ever born.
Today my only son leaves for college.
We have travelled a long road together,
as he had a severe form of dyslexia,
making school very difficult.
He battled on regardless,
and has got the college course he wanted.
Of course I am thrilled,
and he is overjoyed.
But I would be lying if I were to say,
that I am not lonely.
He may be almost six foot tall,
and to others appear a man.
But to me he will always be,
“my wee small boy”.
I sit here tonight and a million memories flood my mind.
The boy who took months to learn the letter “S”.
Each day we would say,
“What letter is that?”,
and with a huge smile he would say,
“That is Annies apple”.
The six year old boy who was going to school with only one shoe on.
When I sent him under the stairs to find the other one,
he shouted out,
“Yea mum, I found it”,
only to quickly shout loudly,
“Oh whoops sorry mum, thats the one I’m wearing!”.
I see the small boy who ran into playschool many days,
only to meet one of the fathers coming out.
This father had dwarfism.
My small boy would shout happily,
“Hello small Daddy”,
as I would meet the fathers smiling eyes,
and die a little.
I saw my small boy grow tall and lean,
his voice changed,
and from outside the room,
I would be convinced my husband had male company,
as I struggled to believe my “small boy” now spoke like a man.
We have laughed many days together,
and had a share of rows.
But even though my eyes can clearly see,
the fine strong young man he has become,
to me he will always be,
“my wee small boy”.
So tonight as I sit here slightly wounded,
feeling his lack of presence in every room,
my mind returns to an early morning,
almost nineteen years ago.
A morning he woke at 5am,
when the clocks had gone back making it 4am.
I sat in my kitchen holding my baby in my arms,
and feeling so tired and fed up.
I turned on the radio for company,
and Mary Black sang to just us two her haunting song,
“My wonder child”.
It was a truly magical moment,
and I have never forgotten it.
As I listen tonight to her voice and those lyrics,
“You’re my wonder child, my dream come true”,
I think to myself,
“My wee small” boy you have truly lived up to your song.
Off you go now and enjoy your life.
You are everything I could have ever wanted and more.
Always know you are much loved.
If you have time… listen to this.
If you have small children… hold them close and enjoy.
If you have older children…. listen and remember.
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photo credit: aftab. via photopin cc
photo credit: Clapagaré ! (Les chiquitos) via photopin cc
18 thoughts on “‘It’s a boy’. Happy Birthday.”
That brought tears to my eyes. So beautifully written. I used to sing a little song I made up with my guitar when I was pregnant with each of my sons. Some things you will never forget.
My mum too used to sing a simple song to us as children. i still hear her voice when I think of it. It’s the little things.
Beautiful memories Tric 😀
Indeed Irene. Lovely to have them to look back on.
Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you. It was nice remembering him as my small boy on his birthday.
beautiful, and what a wonder it is –
Thanks Beth. It is that indeed.
Well thanks for the early morning cry tric! I know how frustrated I get with the kids and barely being able to survive the day some days, but always in the back of my mind i say, cherish the good bad and ugly because in the blink of an aye they will be adults and living their own lives… Beautiful post!
Sorry about that April, but I too remember many difficult days. It’s easy now to look back and forget, but to be honest even though I do look back I rarely forget, motherhood was hard work.
Lovely… Such a wonderful tribute to your boy. May you both be blessed.
Thank you so much. It’s amazing to see how our small boys grow to be men.
I’ve got 2 boys, 18 and 20. They’re gym rats and just pure muscle.I miss my babies but so proud of the young men they’ve become. Their sister is almost 4 but just started pre-k. I’m starting all over again but with the boys away pursuing school and work opportunities it’s nice to have the company. Otherwise it’d just be me and the dog 🙂
How beautiful, I had tears in my eyes reading this. And thoughts in my head, of my own boy/manchild 🙂
Congratulations on your post scheduling (I can never get that to work on Blogger) and enjoy your mini-break.
Thanks. Yes I think your young man is between two worlds allowing you glimpse what lies ahead. Mind you as Irish mammies we will never really give up our little boys will we?
As for my scheduling, it was an experiment and I passed. 🙂