I’d prefer to be remembered in the pub than in the Church.

Christmas in Ireland seems to be different to some other countries.
Our Christmas celebrations begin for most of us on the 23rd of December,
and continue until the first Monday in January. photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/feargal/4893305936/">A (defunct) Project of Fergal Mac Eoinin</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">cc</a>
In effect two weeks off work.

It is an eagerly awaited holiday. One in which family is of the utmost importance.
We all try our best to meet up, regardless of past relations.
Sons and daughters return home from all over Ireland and abroad.
Aunts, uncles and cousins gather together.
A boiling pot of camaraderie and tension.

As well as exchanging presents, drinking, fighting and playing games,
attending mass is still for the majority in Ireland a large part of Christmas.

Ireland is a christian country who have over the past few years greatly fallen out of love with the church.
However come Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, all is forgotten,
and the churches which are relatively empty for the rest of the year,
are packed out the door.

My friend was telling me at a night out last night about one such a mass he attended years ago,
it tells it’s own tale of the many different reasons we attend mass.

The mass in question took place in a relatively large town in Ireland.
My friend was a young alter server at the time, serving at midnight mass.

Now midnight mass is generally regarded as a very special mass.
It is the first official mass of Christmas Day,
so is a very special mass for the more devout Catholics.
For others, attending it is a tradition in their family,
with the extended family all gathered and sitting together as tradition dictated.
However there is a third group who also always attend Midnight mass.
These are the young people who have been out for the night,
as well as older people who have been drinking aplenty,
aware that the pubs will be closed all day Christmas Day.

My friend was telling us that as expected this mass was packed,
with a very large number gathered standing at the back of the church.photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/paullew/9383027583/">Lawrence OP</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>
The priest arrived for his big gig.
He was really getting into it when he became aware of the continuous conversation,
which was going on at the back of the church among those who were well lubricated from a nights drinking.

The priest stopped speaking and eventually silence was achieved.

However the noise began again.
Obviously frustrated the priest stopped once more, but once again the silence was shortlived
As the mumbling became louder it got the better of the priest.
There was one individual who was standing in clear view, out on the aisle.
He was a well know character in the village, and even though he had come to mass,
he was far from interested.
He stood chatting away as if he was still in the pub,
loud from an evening drinking and oblivious to his surroundings.

The priest stopped the mass and addressed this individual who was standing at the back of the church.
“How dare you”, he began. The church was silenced. “How dare you come in here disrespecting this church.
You are disrupting the mass and interfering with those who have come here to pray and give thanks.”.

You could have heard a pin drop.
He continued. “Leave now. Go on you know who you are” he said, pointing to the back of the church.

As the rest of the church sat in silence, shifting uncomfortably, slowly but surely people began to leave.
Within minutes a couple of hundred had left the church.
Needless to say our friend was not among them.

The priest could do nothing but go back to his mass,
and my friend and his fellow alter servers did their best to hold in the laughter.

This story perfectly describes the differing attitudes to attending mass over Christmas.
Some do it to pray.
Some because their family always go.
And others because it is on their way home from the pub!

For myself I attend because my family do, and I am happy to stand alongside them.
I am comfortable with my reasons, which are not religious.
The church does not hold a real place in my heart,
but I cannot deny it’s place in my husband, family and friends lives.

Today was a prime example of it’s place in our society in general.
Today December 29th was the months mind of my young friend.
This date one month ago he fought his final round.

As is tradition today there was the “months mind mass”.
This is a time when family and friends gather together and attend a special mass.
A mass that marks the passing of the first month.

As my friend is one of seven and her husband is one of ten there were a lot of family present.
We their friends were there in force also.
I sat there in the full church and I wondered at the point of the occasion.
Who could forget he was gone one month?
Why would we have to mark the occasion?
How sad that a month of forever has already passed.

For myself I thought it was a painful thing to have to go through.
His family had to sit there whilst his football team, who came to pay their respects,
took their seats.
It was mind blowing to think that he was never again to sit among them.
It was so sad, and at times, as my youngest says,
“my eyes were too full, and the tears spilled”.

However hopefully my friend did gain comfort from it.
She and her husband have a very deep faith.
The priest who spoke is a wonderful, sincere and caring man.
He spoke eloquently and beautifully about sadness, heartache and loss.
He spoke about finding strength, and Gods understanding.

The church is many things to many people,
I hope it was of help to my friend and her family today.

However for myself, I think I have a lot in common with those who come to church,photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/marcosdemadariaga/6395710835/">dMadPhoto</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>
because it’s on the way home from the pub!
When I pass, I’d like them to gather in a pub and remember me there.
To each their own I suppose.

To my young friend,
whether I’m in church, at home, out walking or chatting with your mom,
I remember you.
And I expect I will do so for a long time to come.


photo credit: A (defunct) Project of Fergal Mac Eoinin via photopin cc
photo credit: Lawrence OP via photopin cc
photo credit: dMadPhoto via photopin cc

17 thoughts on “I’d prefer to be remembered in the pub than in the Church.

  1. beautiful story within a story tric. i want to be remembered in the same way, more of a wake, with stories and song and pictures and love all around. he knows you will not ever forget him, for he is a part of you forever, it would be like forgetting your own face. i love your daughter’s quote about the spilling tears, it explains it perfectly. )

    1. Thanks so much. I too want a really good wake, with lots of stories and discovering all that they did not know about me. My youngest said that last week. It as school concert time and the mood was a bit subdued as they had lost two children. My daughter being so close to both was struggling a bit. The choirs she was part of were singing a song the third verse of which was words like “You can place you head on my shoulder and I will take your tears” She explained she was good for the first two verses but by they third “my eyes are full and the tears spill”. I too thought the story hilarious about the congregation leaving as I can so see it happening each year when I go to mass. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  2. I chuckled at the story of the hundred or so leaving, but the chatter-er was still in the church. And I laughed about the folks stopping in to church on the way home from the pub.

    And I smiled warmly knowing you were there for your friends. And your being there was all that mattered.

    I hope your heart finds peace. I suspect your Little Friend will help you with that. Some how.

    1. Thank you so much. I am in a good place really, sad but okay and grateful for all I do have.
      I enjoyed this story and when I heard it I knew most who read it would enjoy it.
      I am happily not anti religion so I have no problem joining in when it is important to my family and friends even if it’s a bit alien to me.
      Thanks as always for reading and commenting. I am so happy to number you among my online friends.

  3. and then there’s the 4th group (like me) who – despite good intentions and promises to my mum – was always too drunk to get to the xmas mass in time 😳

  4. P.S.- in a strange way, dangling my new grandson on me knee this holiday has made me think on my own mortality. I don’t believe in a God so any religious ceremony when I die would be entirely inappropriate. Neither do I want a ‘humanist’ ceremony, which is the alternative that funeral directors offer.

    I’ve instructed No 2 son that when I depart this world, there is to be no funeral ‘service’ of any kind, whatsoever. Instead, he is to hold a party and invite any friends and relatives who want to pay their last respects.

    But as far as is possible, it is not to be an occasion for mourning – they can do that in their own homes. The party is to be a happy fun occasion – a proper ceilidh with music and dance – and to help create the party atmosphere he is to organise a ‘free’ bar for everyone

    I’m only sorry I’ll miss it myself ! 😆

    1. That would be my idea of the perfect final call. However I know that will not be for me. My husband will want to do the church thing and I will not object because it is not me who will need the comfort then, and if he pops off first I’ll still have to do the church as it’s what I know he’d have wanted. There’s no way around it!
      I remember when my dad died my mum read a letter he wrote to us, and it asked if she would be able to he’d like to be cremated and his ashes scattered in the back garden, his favourite place on earth. When she read it, without a moments hesitation she said “no chance” and moved on.
      I know my Dad wouldn’t have minded because in the end it was her who was left behind.
      I’ll make sure theres a good hoolie though.

  5. I loved this piece of writing Tric. I enjoyed the story of those calling in to the pub on the way home from Church. If I was the priest I would have been happy that they had stopped by rather than calling them out and telling them to leave.
    I know it’s been a hard month for you after losing your young warrior but as time goes on, the hurting will lessen. Peace to you my friend. 🙂

    1. Thank you. Its a whole new beginning and as my friend and I were saying this year doesn’t need to give us much in order to be a whole lot better than last year!
      Glad you enjoyed the story within a story.

  6. It just shows what a great friend you are..Supporting your friend despite your own beliefs. I continue to hope for healing in all of your sadness.

    1. Thank you Tia. I’m doing good and my friend is amazing. The new year is a great fresh start and a push to put one foot in front of the other.

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