Before our babies are born,
we cannot imagine life with a child.
Once they arrive,
we cannot imagine life without them.
For the past twenty two years,.
I have been a hands on mom.
I gave up my nursing career,
to stay at home when my first child was born
I can remember my husband saying,
that he was slightly embarrassed,
when he told his workmates,
that I was going to stay at home.
He felt that it was not the popular choice,
among the women where he worked.
I immersed myself completely in motherhood,
and went on to have three more children,
and mind two others full time.
Those two little girls,
became the fifth and sixth children in my family.
Days were busy,
and life was all about mothering.
Each day passed in a haze of demands.
Crying, hugs and laughter in equal measure.
The summers were happy days of outdoor fun,
but the winter was long and hard,
confined indoors with so many young children,
especially when you are still in your twenties.
As each child left for school,
I mourned.
My friends delighted in their freedom,
but I longed for the days that had passed.
As I kissed them goodbye,
with their schoolbags in their hands,
I thought that my life was changed forever.
I was wrong.
My babies returned each day at lunchtime.
They sat together at the table,
a noisy bunch of children,
of differing ages,
all demanding of my time.
They played together,
and most of their games,
meant turning my house upside down.
I can see the mess still,
and clearly hear the noise,
of six children having fun.
Time marched on,
and in what seems to have been,
the blink of an eye,
all has changed.
Recently my second child left for college.
He joins my eldest,
and the two little ladies I minded.
The house which was always full,
and echoed the fun of so many children,
is relatively quiet now.
The table where so many sat around,
talking, fighting, spilling drinks,
doing homework and of course eating,
has many empty seats.
The play room is gone,
and the swings hang empty.
I am lucky I know,
to still have two children left at home,
but they are growing up before my eyes.
Even when my older children return,
mine is now a very different house,
of older children’s noises.
I feel like life is racing by.
I knew when my second child headed to college,
that I would miss him greatly.
What I did not appreciate,
was that when he would leave,
life would never be the same again.
Don’t get me wrong,
I am delighted my children are happy,
but I can’t help but miss my busy mothering days.
I miss the noise, the tears and the laughter,
the mess and the lack of personal time.
I miss the smell of a new born,
and little arms raised asking to be lifted.
Tantrums and tears,
shouts of laughter,
games fueled by imagination,
and sitting together,
little ones all clambering,
for a spot on my knee.
I miss my children being children.
I have done my job well,
looked after each child,
and nurtured them through childhood.
However success means,
that now my children are happy and confident.
Ready to leave home without a backward glance.
As I sit in the silence,
of my house without young children,
I have mixed feelings about my success.
I am proud and happy when I look at my children.
Yet I am also filled with regret.
That day I thought would never arrive,
is finally here and I now realize fully,
I can never go back.
Those days are gone.
Life will never be the same again!
photo credit: K. Praslowicz via photopin cc
photo credit: kevin dooley via photopin cc
photo credit: Klifton via photopin cc
My thoughts on a page. 
Cool is getting too big to pick up and hug and G$ will be soon as well. I try to get as much snuglin’ in as I can because I know it’ll be over soon. Them a coworker asked me the other day if Ace had started her girly event (my words) and I almost leaped over the table to assault her!! She’s right though, that’ll happen soon and my little baby girl will be a teen and then a young woman and then I’ll have to murder some young boy and life goes on…
Ha ha. I feel your pain, it’s the pits. My husband is baby mad and misses carrying them so much.
On the plus side they are great craic to be around as adults and almost adults. Mind you my eleven year old knows way too much about false ID, nagans of vodka and what sort of drinks are popular. She is growing up in a house a world away from the one her eldest sister grew up in. Some nights we even forget she is round and should be in bed! Doesn’t seem to be doing her any harm though. It’s nice to see you back.
Don’t fret too much. You’ve got grandkids to look forward to next 😆
Gee thanks Duncan. Be careful what I wish for warning heeded.
I am too young for college kids, no talk of grand kids. Don’t worry they have been warned and warned and warned! Mind you my husband has actually said he wouldn’t mind another baby in the house no matter how it comes here!
Sigh. I’m sitting her relating across the ocean. There are great things still, but different. Never to go back, so many times we have to realize the way things were….are no more.
Yes be careful what you wish for.
tric, this is wonderful and those children are all so lucky to have been raised under your gentle and loving care. while things have changed, there is much more joy to come – i have had the chance to continue the love with the arrival of my grandchildren and you will too one day )
Reading your posts make me look forward to my future. I think I am in a period of transition, but boy the house is quiet. Thanks Beth.
i’m happy for that, but know how hard it is right at the moment ) hugs –
You have written so well what I knew all too well would happen eventually, although, in my case, well, …..silence can be deafening. Truly we can never go back.
Yes your situation is a silence I can never imagine. Memories can be a source of great joy and sometimes sorrow and regret. Writing about it can be of some help, I hope it has in your case. Your blog is excellent, I am sure others find it informative and hopefully get some solace in knowing they are not alone.
It’s an emotional time – a mix of happiness and sadness. It sounds as if you’ve done an excellent job and created many happy memories for them. They will keep coming back. Now it’s time for you to do some of the things you’ve always wanted to. They’re still you children, just in another form!
I’m reading this on my way home from work… Makes me want to fly home to hug my two little ones.
Lucky you. Enjoy them. There is nothing like a welcome home hug.
I read this and thought to myself “WOW she had her hands full with six and here I thought I had mine full with two!” On the other side of that I thought “My Goodness my oldest will be 11 in February and my youngest 9 in December and time is flying all too quickly” I really now need to look at my life as a Mom and cherish the time I have now as it’ll go all too quickly – time will come when neither wants to sit on my lap or want hugs (my son already is at the stage where I’m not allowed to hug him in public ;-))!
Yes I do think that eleven is a key age. Up to that they are still very much a child, but at eleven you get a glimpse of the older child they are becoming. I am consoled by the fact we all had such a great time though, with lots of photos and videos to remind us. As well of course knowing different days ahead but hopefully equally as enjoyable. Enjoy.