The posts came easy to me.
My daily fix.
Addiction followed and remains.
However blogging got complicated.
I got stars and follows,
comments and feedback.
I got to know my fellow bloggers.
I began to look at my stats!
The other day as I deleted a draft,
I asked myself,
“Do I still post my thoughts on a page?”,
or am I influenced by stars and stats,
comments and followers?
Do I change what I want to write to suit my readers?
Do I write what I think about, or do I think about what I write?
I love my blog,
and I love having the freedom to write what I wish.
Some days I write a post and smugly pat myself on the back.
“Wow! I like that one”
For a moment I think,
“yep you have what it takes”.
I press publish and I am elated.
A couple of weeks ago I did just that.
and then I settled down to read other posts.
I opened one in which someone spoke of getting over 1000 views!
I nearly dropped my laptop.
WTF? Am I dyslexic? How many zeros is that?
I hurriedly check out my stats.
How many zeros does it say?
Maybe they are faulty?
Maybe American time is skewing them.
Reality strikes me.
I have a less than average number viewing my creations.
I am slightly crushed,
but being a naturally optimistic person,
I perk myself up.
I’m doing okay, I have followers.
Yes I have people choosing to “follow” me.
Followers, how many followers do others have?
WTF again? How many?
Some have thousands on facebook.
One blog I follow began early in January.
He has 15,000 followers, and no I did not put in an extra zero!
I have a few hundred,
and wait for it…..
I have 15 on facebook,
and they can almost all be found on my family tree!
Only three actually ever read it!
Now I was seriously depressed.
My blog did not compare.
What about my writing though?
I began to read and compare.
And things only got worse.
Everyone is writing a book, a novel or an ebook.
Can you believe it, these bloggers were writing.
Real writing, not the pretend stuff I was producing.
Many were also writing for a living.
What am I at?
I sat looking at my laptop, all creativity dead.
The voices in my head silenced.
That was two weeks ago.
Today as I sit here writing this,
I am surprisingly content.
I have begun to accept my limitations.
Yes there are successful bloggers out there,
and excellent writers,
but what does it matter?
It is not a competition.
I write because I can’t not.
So I have learned to mind my own blogging business,
and I will continue to write just as I did in January.
As I do I will try my best to stay true to myself,
and not be influenced by stars and follows,
stats and comments.
Just me and “my thoughts on a page”.
Although if you did feel sorry for me,
you just might consider “liking” me on facebook,
as not only am I a joke on wordpress,
but my own kids think 15 friends on facebook is an embarrassment!