For years I passed your bedroom door at night and barely dared to breathe, so afraid you would wake. Tonight I pass your door, as I do every night, and feel a tug at my heart, you are not there.
There is no need for silence, no need to worry I’ve disturbed you. And as I feel the lonely ache of mothering I wonder where you are?
Are you socialising, asleep or restless?
Some nights I smile and salute you, proud you decided to spread your wings and move so far away. Other nights I indulge myself and allow some tears beneath the surface to spill over. I picture you walking in the door, or saying goodnight. I imagine you sitting at the kitchen table laughing and enjoying the banter of a full family.
As I pass your bedroom later tonight I will whisper to your empty room, ‘Goodnight sweetheart’.
For no matter your distance from home, the small boy I remember so fondly, will always be here in my heart.