Letter ten in “a series of letters”, is a letter of confession. A shocking secret, which the writer has had to live with for many years.
It was written by Married with Aspergers
There is something I have kept from you for nearly ten years now. A secret. Something that I fear could reopen old wounds and inflict new ones. I don’t know whether revealing this will destroy you, destroy us, but I believe you deserve to know the truth.
You already know that I was away when your son was murdered. You know that I saw and spoke to him after I left work the evening before. But there is more to it than that. When I left him he was in the company of the two men who killed him. They were acting aggressively even then; I was afraid and could only think about getting away.
One of the two was verbally baiting me, trying to provoke me, and I will never forget the last words he called to me across the street as I hurried to the car park:
“If you go you’ll not see [son] alive again.”
Don’t think there isn’t some “What if?” I’ve not considered over the years. I try to tell myself I couldn’t have known what would happen, that less than 24 hours later I would be in a different country leaving you alone to receive the call that every parent most dreads.
I’m sorry that I never told you. I’m sorry that I did nothing to try to help your son. I’m a coward and a failure. I don’t know if you will ever be able to forgive me. It doesn’t matter: I can never forgive myself.
With deepest regret,