I know there is a polar vortex in areas of the United States.
It is so cold in some areas schools are cancelled.
They estimate 118 million people are feeling its effects.
Well I’d like to correct Sky news, CNN and our own local radio channel RTE.
Their figures are incorrect.
118 million and 1 are feeling the effects of a polar vortex.
I, in case you are wondering, am the 1!
I’m sure there are many among you who will say this is the way it was in the olden days.
Well I’d like to assure you, despite some of you imagining otherwise,
I was not alive then to experience it.
I believe I am one of those whose DNA was very receptive to change.
As a result, from birth I have known heat, and my body thermometer has adapted accordingly.
In laymans terms, I hate the cold. I do not function in the cold.
Day one of my misery began with a loud banging noise coming from the boiler.
I had no clue what to do other than to turn it off.
Similar to when my car breaks down and I open the bonnet and look at the engine,
I sat for a short time and looked at the boiler, its pipes, timer and plug.
I then touched a few things, turned some buttons and wondered had I fixed it?
I turned it on again.
For a few seconds it fired as before. Result.
Then bang, bang, bang.(It actually made noises a lot more spectacular than bang, bang,bang, but I’m at a loss how to describe them).
Just for a split second I was tempted to do as they do in action movies,
run for cover and dive in spectacular style over my kitchen table before that boiler blew!
However I am braver than that, and instead quickly turned it off.
Hours later my husband arrived home.
Now when I say “husband” some of you may get the picture of your own DIY talented husbands.
These would be the husbands who, on arriving home, know exactly what to do.
Well suffice to say my husbands talents lie in other directions.
He purposely walked towards the dead boiler.
He too looked at it and twiddled a few nobs, so far an approach very similar to my own.
Then he added one masterful addition.
When he turned it on and the violent bang, bang, banging began, he lifted his hand and he banged that boiler right back!
Before eventually declaring “Ye it’s dead”.
Day two and three were a bit of a novelty, and the dropping temperature inside our well insulated house did not seem too bad.
By day four and five the house was definitely getting colder.
Yesterday and today I began to worry.
I checked regularly for signs of frost bite, but thankfully I am okay so far.
You will be glad to hear however that the end is in sight.
As I type my saviour has arrived.
Not exactly Jesus but the next best thing. The new boiler man (our pet name for him).
In a matter of hours I will be able to remove my coat.
No more drives in the car just to feel heat.
No more “cold” calling to friends in the hope their house is warm.
As I can almost smell the heat, I decided not to go out to lunch.
No, instead I’d stay home and make a lovely soup.
I braved the freezing kitchen and chopped everything I could find.
I even noticed myself humming.
The soup would warm me up and the house would soon feel tropical.
I placed my huge pot of soup on the hob, and turned it on.
No soup, no lunch.
What sort of an eejit am I?
My saviour had turned off the gas to put in the new boiler!
Hopefully by the time I post this we will be roasting.
Until then I’m off to make a cup of hot tea.
Unless he’s turned the electricity off too!