“Goodbye for now, my wee small boy”.

When each of my children were born,
I gave them a gift.
A huge amount of thought went into this gift,
and I can honestly say it meant the world to me.
But to this day not one of my children,
is even remotely interested in it.

What was the gift?photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/minxlj/425099288/">minxlj</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>

It was a song.
Not a song I myself had written,
but one I loved and seem to speak to me about my child.

A while ago my eldest daughter,
left home for the Summer to work in the United States.
I then shared with you all in a post,
my song for my daughter.
The song was called “Feet of a dancer”,
and it was my choice for her,
years before she was ever born.

Today my only son leaves for college.
We have travelled a long road together,
as he had a severe form of dyslexia,
making school very difficult.
He battled on regardless,
and has got the college course he wanted.

Of course I am thrilled,
and he is overjoyed.
But I would be lying if I were to say,
that I am not lonely.

He may be almost six foot tall,small__7907673476
and to others appear a man.
But to me he will always be,
“my wee small boy”.

I sit here tonight and a million memories flood my mind.

The boy who took months to learn the letter “S”.
Each day we would say,
“What letter is that?”,
and with a huge smile he would say,
“That is Annies apple”.

The six year old boy who was going to school with only one shoe on.
When I sent him under the stairs to find the other one,
he shouted out,
“Yea mum, I found it”,
only to quickly shout loudly,
“Oh whoops sorry mum, thats the one I’m wearing!”.

I see the small boy who ran into playschool many days,
only to meet one of the fathers coming out.
This father had dwarfism.
My small boy would shout happily,
“Hello small Daddy”,
as I would meet the fathers smiling eyes,
and die a little.

I saw my small boy grow tall and lean,
his voice changed,
and from outside the room,
I would be convinced my husband had male company,
as I struggled to believe my “small boy” now spoke like a man.

We have laughed many days together,
and had a share of rows.
But even though my eyes can clearly see,
the fine strong young man he has become,
to me he will always be,
“my wee small boy”.

So tonight as I sit here slightly wounded,
feeling his lack of presence in every room,
my mind returns to an early morning,
almost nineteen years ago.
A morning he woke at 5am,photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/aftab/2559802835/">aftab.</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">cc</a>
when the clocks had gone back making it 4am.
I sat in my kitchen holding my baby in my arms,
and feeling so tired and fed up.
I turned on the radio for company,
and Mary Black sang to just us two her haunting song,
“My wonder child”.
It was a truly magical moment,
and I have never forgotten it.

As I listen tonight to her voice and those lyrics,
“You’re my wonder child, my dream come true”,
I think to myself,
“My wee small” boy you have truly lived up to your song.
Off you go now and enjoy your life.
You are everything I could have ever wanted and more.
Always know you are much loved.

If you have time… listen to this.
If you have small children… hold them close and enjoy.
If you have older children…. listen and remember.

photo credit: minxlj via photopin cc
photo credit: aftab. via photopin cc
photo credit: Clapagaré ! (Les chiquitos) via photopin cc

36 thoughts on ““Goodbye for now, my wee small boy”.

    1. Thank you. It is so lonely here tonight. And even worse was the fact that his fellow five housemates must not be starting tomorrow, as he is all alone tonight! You are facing something like this soon too aren’t you?

      1. Oh, I do feel for you. The two layers of sadness – for yourself and for your son. 😦 He probably enjoyed being on his own and having the tv, shower etc for himself though! I’ll be in you shoes at the end of the school year- Bigfoot wants to study engineering and whaddaya know, there’s no university in our village. Watch this space for a whimpering MM …

        1. I’ll be a seasoned emptier nester by then, so I will surely be wise and comforting! Best wishes to him, it is great to see them have goals and dreams.

  1. Omg. I’m in floods of tears having read your heart touching post. I’ve just posted tonight a similar story and you have summed up what I am trying to say I feel inside and all that I fear, thankyou. I feel your pain and I know you will understand my garbled text. The Miracle that is motherhood. The marvel of memories. Bless our boys, forever our babies.

    1. I definitely understand your comment. Our children leaving for school, as in your case, and college in mine, is painful. But we are lucky to be able it experience it. I will miss my son hugely but I would not have it any other way.
      Great to see you pop by and thanks for the comment.

    1. Thanks Beth. He surely has. It was hard to let go tonight but I was so proud also as this is his dream. Now it is morning and guess what…. I miss him even more! 🙂

      1. i’m not surprised tric, it’s not an easy adjustment. especially when you know how hard he’s worked for this, and now that the moment has come, it is hard to believe it is here and it involves him going out into the world on his own. he will truly come back a better person for it though. hugs )

    1. Inside I am thrilled for him. But selfishly I wish he failed everything and stayed here! No seriously it is the way of life. It is great to see him break free and move on. My tears are just for me.

    1. Thanks a million. He is a big loss to me, but it is only right for a child to move on.Its a big world out there and time for him to enjoy it.
      I say all this and in a few weeks I will mean it! 🙂

  2. As an ’empty nest ‘ mom of five sons, I well understand the emotion expressed so well here. Even 20 years after the first one left, I occasionally still feel that very slight ache of missing him in my daily life. How could it not be so when we give our whole hearts to loving them and raising them through all of life’s challenges? Ah, but the adventures will continue. Lovely post. Hug to you.

    1. Thanks a million. It is not easy and today was dreadful as I just couldn’t believe he was not here. But I know that it gets easier each day. Thank you for the comment and the hug!

  3. Very beautiful post and song, Tric…I can relate, as my son is 18 and graduated, but he’s starting out at our local community college, so he’s still here. However, our daughter is moving on the 21st, so then I’ll be able to relate…She’ll be living in an apt. off campus and riding her bike to the campus, only 10 minutes away. But, I know I’ll be worrying, until she’s been in the routine for a couple of weeks. Oh, the joys of parenting. I send you hugs for company and hang in there…

    1. Oh you must contact me on the 21st so I can reciprocate the hugs. I know we are so lucky they are able to pursue their dreams, but sometimes being a mom is the pits. I think I will listen to the song again later and waaah!

      1. I know, being a parent isn’t easy…I’ve already had tears at night in bed, thinking of her in her apt., riding her bike to the campus…there will be others, too, she won’t be alone, but boy, oh boy, we just want her to be safe, embrace the experience and (take a break from her current bf, hehe). Well, I don’t want him or her to get hurt, but she needs to meet other guys before she settles on him and he needs to grow a little. Okay, this is all a new blog post! 🙂 Hang in there!

        1. I know exactly what you mean. As for being alone, my sons course began early, he is spending a second night all alone in his house for six on campus… I hate thinking of the poor fella on his own!
          My eldest is 22 and has never had a real bf. It is great as I can see how independently she thinks. Although I have some great friends who have been together since 14yrs and are 25 years married but it is not what I would wish for my children.
          I hope to read your post on this topic! 🙂

        2. Well, I don’t think there will be a public post, Tric, because she reads my posts! 🙂 She is still very much independent, but they’ve been together 2 1/2 years and they’re both still very young…so we shall see how this saga continues…xx

  4. never fret, tric – the buggers aye keep coming back (even when they’re in their 30’s with partners and homes of their own)

    and the first thing they do is open the fridge and the kitchen cupboards in search of food (old habits die hard, if ever)

    then moan that there is nothing to eat – when what they mean is there is nothing that doesn’t need to be cooked first – no pies, slices of cold meat, crisps, etc that can just be picked up and transferred from hand to mouth !

    many a time, Anita bought some nice cheese and savouries from a delicatessen, planning on a picnic tea in the garden with a bottle of red.

    only to find, after a surprise visit from No1 or No 2 son (they were both equally guilty of this habit) that the cupboard (and fridge) were bare – the buggers had eaten our planned treats when we weren’t looking

    Gggrrrrr !!!!

    1. Ha ha. Of this I have no doubt. He texted tonight to find out how to cook chops with no oil! I’d say he’ll be starving when he gets home.
      I am honestly thrilled he is living his dream, but mammies and sons!!

  5. I empathize with you! I dropped my little boy (still only 17) off at university this past weekend and it damn near broke my heart. I felt like I had just opened the car door and thrown my puppy out into the street. Long story short? He loves it! So long as they are happy, we are too. Doesn’t mean we can’t miss them though, right?

    1. Oh your puppy analogy is so perfect. My poor fellas course started early so he has been on his own in the house for six, bar one night. I kept him home from school a year extra so he would be older going to college ( and I couldn’t part with him!) so he is almost 19.
      Even though it has not been an ideal week he still sounds like he is in great form.
      The house is so quiet though and the amount of food I cook well down! Its just a transition for us all I suppose. I hope your “little” boy continues to enjoy it.

  6. This made my heart ache a bit, as exciting as it is to see my girls growing big everyday it’s also a bit sad.. I love this post xxx

    1. It’s great being a mom, seeing our children grow up and live life to the full, but in getting them there we have to let them go. It’s not easy. Enjoy them when they’re young, a cliche but so true.

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