Is it really better to have loved and lost?
Is the pain of grief really worth the love?
If the death was long and painful was the life worth living?
Since my young pals death two weeks ago I have wondered this.
Can all the fun and games we had in life, all the laughter and excitement, really make up for a terrible end?
I have no answers. I only have questions.
Then I got this message from a friend after the young warrior died,
“I hope that the cold hard place that is your heart at the moment,
will some day be warmed by the many wonderful memories from the past”.
To me this beautifully says
“Better to have loved and lost,
than never to have loved at all”.
I will be sharing this with his Mom.
He lived a life more full than most children.
As a result they have even more memories of him than most to warm their hearts.
Christmas is nearly here.
It’s up to all of us to create our own lovely memories now and in the year ahead.
It is a time of magic, of family, of socializing and reminiscing.
So I think we should all make a big effort to embrace it, give our children special memories, and take time out to really savor what we have in our lives.
That’s what I intend to do anyway.
photo credit: silverfuture via photopin cc
25 thoughts on “Is it better to have loved and lost?”
Just reading the title, my answer was already “yes”. The pain of loss is indescribable, but the love, the memories and the impact that they made in the world and to those around them, is well worth it. Pain hurts, but eases with time. Memories go on forever. I agree – this Christmas should be full of happy memories, love and cherished quality time with our families.
I suppose it goes back to ” Live every day”. I see my friend and the many wonderful memories they have, inspire me to make the most of my life and my family. Happy Christmas, and I mean it.
Happy Christmas to you too, Tric!
I say yes Tric. I would rather live and love and laugh and cry, than not. I once read, a long time ago, that those who lose someone hold on to pain and suffering much longer than the person we have lost. Their pain ends, and ours goes on, and on. I think this is true. But I can’t imagine this kind of pain, I just can’t. And to be very honest, I don’t know that I could stop suffering. But in my suffering, I would hope to find the laughter and joy a lost loved one brought me. What questions to have to face. I so admire your questioning and searching through this time. I hope his family is surrounded by love. It sounds, from what you say, that they very much are.
Thank you . They are very strong people and have a wonderful family and relations. Friends are surrounding them too, but it is up to them how they move through their grief. However as I see them gather so many photos of good days I am sure they can find a new place for their young boy in their lives. As for the rest of us, we must continue to make memories and enjoy what we have. (Especially people with new life in their lives like you!!)
Amen Tric. There are beautiful moments that await them. Sometimes it amazes me the, the strength any one human needs, in their life time.
And thanks for the little shout out to our new little life. She is amazing. 😉
I have more questions than answers too..
but this is where I have come to as well..slowing down a bit to savor what is here..holding on to the love that remains from things that can’t be figured out.
Love this one. ♡
So well put Laurie. Glad you liked it.
William Wordsworth says it best for me: “I loved the boy with the utmost love of which my soul is capable, and he is taken from me….yet, in the agony of my spirit in surrendering such a treasure, I feel a thousand times richer than if I had never possessed it.” William Wordsworth 1812
Thanks for sharing that. It is beautifully expressed.
Really can’t say. Heart is now at the point where it will never happen, save for a miracle.
I am not sure is that a good or a bad place to be?
yes, always better.
By the time I had finished this post I had begun to agree too.
A thousand times YES! tears rolling down my face with a smile as I write the words…from my own personal experience I tell you YES:)
It sounds like your heart is healing through memories too.
Very much agree. Every day we create special memories with our loved ones and I firmly believe these memories are what gets us through our hard times. Happy Christmas.
Thank you. Hope you have as good as Christmas as possible.
Absolutely Yes. Love means eventually losing. But to never have known love would be hellish. x
You got it there, regardless of the pain your choice of words is correct, it would be “hellish” not to have loved.
I say ‘yes’ also because when you love you live. Love gives so much to the world and the people in it. To have someone in your life (even if for just a short time) is such a blessing – not only to yourself but to the person you love. And memories born of love will never die. xx
All of what you say is so true. But to know someone is gone forever is so very difficult and the pain can be so severe. Still I 100% agree with you.
I never said that it wouldn’t hurt. We wouldn’t have the term ‘broken heart’ if such a thing as pain did not exist. However, the wounds do heal over time.
There are as many answers as there are questions and must be reached individually. I watched my daughter die over and over for nearly two years which was her brief journey on earth. It was so long ago and it was yesterday. Did my efforts to hang on delay her departure and bring her more suffering?
I am so very sorry to hear about your daughter. I can only imagine how hard it was over those two years and the grief forever after. I have a close friend who lost her son and I know too, at times she wonders if his pain lasted too long. But we had hope and it is very hard to say goodbye. Hindsight is wonderful but it doesn’t give us the same picture we had from before.
I wrote a post once after reading a fellow bloggers blogpost. She had lost her daughter and was writing about a ‘rainbow child’. However it was this comment which really sparked the post,
She wrote ‘A lot of people believe that a baby’s soul doesn’t enter the physical body until the moment of birth, that the soul stays near to the mother’.
I who have no religious belief enjoyed for a time imagining that time ‘before’. Would it mean that perhaps in your future your daughter will ‘meet’ your future generations of family. I, who lost my dad early, got great comfort from it, as it gave me the wondering, if he did in fact meet my children, before they were even born?
Again my condolences on your very sad loss.
The post is here if you wish to read it. https://mythoughtsonapage.com/2015/05/01/what-if/