How judgemental are you?

We all judge. Fact.
It is a trait within us all.
Some of us judge more regularly than others,
Some more harshly or vocally.small__2898151542
But we all do it.

I have been reading quite a few parenting blogs recently,
who have felt they were judged,
and are unhappy with the judgement

However in my humble opinion,
the less experience or knowledge a person has,
on any subject,
the more they are inclined to be sure of their facts.
Beyond all reasonable doubt.
Often leading to quick judgement.

We are all guilty.

When we were growing up,
Do you remember the mother you were going to be?small_5131064113
Everything your mother was not!
You were going to listen.
To always be there.
To accept your child’s side of the story.
You were going to understand,
that sometimes your child had to stay out later than agreed.
You would not judge your children’s friends by their looks.
Nor push them too hard academically.

Yes we judged our mothers,
before we had children.

Remember the child we were going to rear?
No sleeping issues.small_566826031
No feeding issues.
No television dependency.
Strict monitoring of internet use.
Our children would know who the parent was,
and yet we would still be a friend to them always.

Yes we judged other parents,
before we were parents.

When our children were babies,
we were appalled at the standard of parenting,
by mothers of teens.
Our child would not be allowed out so late,
hanging around corners.
Certainly now wearing that.
And their hair would be cut.
Piercings would not be negotiable!

So many judgments every day.
We should have been working in the judicial system!

Then the years pass.
And life happens.
Perspectives change.

Take myself for example.
I was going to be an amazing mother.
Mother Earth move over.
Initially I tried very very hard,
to be that mother.

Then came a very busy time in my life.
I had three children,
aged 7 years, 4 years and 18 months.
I minded two more aged 7 years and 4 years.
That was five under seven.
However the mother and sister,
of one of my closest friends got sick.
Both were dying.
I helped to mind her little ones.
They were the same age as my own.
So I had three 7 year olds,
three 4 year olds,small_817727977
and two under 2 years.
That is eight under seven years!

I was exhausted as my youngest hardly slept,
day or night.
So in order to remain sane,
every afternoon I gathered all the kids together.
Such excitement every day.
The two youngest got into buggies,
the three four year olds held the buggies,
and the three seven year olds pushed the buggies.
I gave them €1.40
and waved them off as they left for the local shop!
It was a little over 5 minutes walk away,
(they used to take 10)
with no roads to cross.

Can you imagine the sight,
as all those children walked alone to the shop.
Not to mention the fact,
that they filled the shop when they arrived.

Whilst they were gone for that half hour,
did I sweat hoping they were safe?
Did I anxiously watch the clock,
waiting for them to return?

Did I hell!
I sat in silence,
glorious silence!

Looking back I cannot believe,
I would allow them head off every day alone.
But I had no choice.
It was the only way I could get through the day.

Before that busy year,
I, Mother Earth would have judged.
Probably even considered calling social services!
Seven year olds in charge?
So many children with no adult?
Where was the mother?
Tut, tut.

Fast forward fifteen years.
The house is a lot less hectic.
My eleven year old,
has been parented very differently.
She was not allowed to walk to the same shop,
until she was TEN!

I do still judge,
and regularly give my opinion to friends.
But nowadays as a result of all life’s lessons to date,
I think I have grown up,
and am a lot less likely to condemn!

photo credit: zippaparazza! via photopin cc
photo credit: alice.bolton via photopin cc
photo credit: brizzle born and bred via photopin cc
photo credit: Stephen Stills via photopin cc
photo credit: Marloes* via photopin cc

26 thoughts on “How judgemental are you?

  1. Great post. I am quite judgemental. It’s probably my worst fault. I work hard at quelling it but I chalk it up to being a Virgo. Love the image of all those little ones marching off to the store. We do what we gotta do.

    1. Thanks. As you can imagine I am well known now in my village! Even after all these years I still meet people who remark on seeing me child free. However that memory has definitely made me less inclined to judge.

    1. Thanks a mil. That’s a lovely thing to say. A fellow blogger was in a bit of a downer today, I sent him a link to your drunken gravity failing man with the problematic left shoe. If anything can cheer someone up that would. So the feeling over blog finding is mutual. Still have never recovered from the link you sent me to dave allen on God.

      1. My parents marriage was a mixed one – my mother’s side were catholics, my dad’s side protestants. Family gatherings were ‘lively’ affairs – especially when drink was involved, which it usually was ! 😆

        These were the days when folk did a ‘turn’ to entertain the company and there was good-natured rivalry between the two sides of the family, each trying to out-sing the other. [The two songs that dominated my growing years were ‘The sash my father wore’ and ‘I’m off to Dublin in the green’] 😆

        The one thing both sides of the family agreed on, though, was that Dave Allen was one of the funniest comics ever. Fortunately, a lot of his material is available on Youtube. Don’t remember which clip I sent you before but we were talking at work today about this sketch of his . . .

    1. Yes. Not proud, but maybe the collective number increased the maturity! Shows you, surviving childhood maybe a matter of luck.

    1. She is a work in progress, but I’m sure will be just as “angelic” as my older kids! She has a lot more parents though as they all have something to say, about how she is being raised.

  2. An excellent post that was bang on time- I took a good long look at myself as a parent last night, and judged myself as an outsider. My kids thought I’d been possessed this morning as I was suspiciously pleasant. Worrying stuff…. 🙂

  3. Great post – I’ve been both the judge and the judged. Now they’re all gone, and so are the judges. I don’t miss them – the judges, that is! I miss my kids like crazy…then remember what it was like with all seven in the house and decide that I’m crazy…so I come here to read your stuff and laugh. Thanks!

    1. Yes life is cyclical. I read young mums blogs and it brings me right back. I am glad you enjoy my posts. Thanks for commenting too!

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