What does it mean to be “in love”?
From the earliest age we speak about it.
We read to our children,
fairy tales which finish with the line,
“And they lived happily every after”.
We speak of love at first sight,
or falling in love.
We ache to hear the words,
“I love you”.
However what is love?
Is it the same for everyone?
Is first love the same,
as the love felt by two who have been a lifetime together?
Or does it change and become a less vibrant feeling,
a more content and companionable feeling?
It was my twenty third anniversary yesterday.
I have known my husband more than half my life.
What exactly do I feel for him now?
If I am to be completely honest,
I am unsure of my feelings.
My heart does not race when I see him,
in quite the same way,
as it did when we first met,
I do not wait with baited breath for his call.
I do not act in a different way when I am with him.
Instead I feel that when I am with him,
we are two pairs making a whole.
I do not feel the need in his presence,
to talk at length about anything.
My happiest times are often spent,
sitting in an easy silence together.
He went away just twice in our marriage,
for over a week.
and it was then I realized,
just how much I laugh when he is around.
It was then I also understood,
that “I” am now “we”,
separate but connected.
When I went to collect him from the airport,
I could empathise with our young daughters excitement.
As for love,
Am I still in love after all these years,
I think the answer is yes definitely yes.
It may not be a roaring, exciting, heartstopping love,
but it is a warm, comforting, happiness,
a friendship and companionship without which,
I am not sure what sort of a person I would be.
The last twenty three years have been some journey.
There have been huge highs,
and unbearable lows,
but mostly I would say,
it has been fun, great fun.
I hope we both enjoy many more.
And yes I think it is correct to say,
I am still very much “in love”.