Where do you go?

A group of friends gather together and enjoy conversation, and craic,
Catching up on happenings, we chat and laugh out loud.
It is one of those nights,
Summer holidays are upon us,
and the relaxed atmosphere is evident.

Then mid laugh, with happiness in my heart you catch my eye.
I see you smile.
As the others continue to laugh out loud, I watch you,
and I see that fleeting smile disappear.

I am sitting beside you,
but in that moment I know you are far away.photo credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/definetheline/2650184631/">Michael Mistretta</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">cc</a>
I have watched you leave before,
and once again I wonder where you go?

I recall the conversation we have just had,
and I question what made you leave?
Were we insensitive?
Did we hurt you unknowingly?

The fun continues around you.
Friends oblivious or forgiving of you leaving.
Looking at your face I try to read it.
Are you gone somewhere peaceful,
or are you reliving your nightmare?

I see your expression change once more,
you look pained,
and bite your lip,
then moments later the pain is gone,
and I can no longer read you.

Time ticks by and as it does I hurt for you.
I know in my heart you have left us.
And I know where you are gone.

You are with Daniel.

I wonder are you speaking to him of the holiday you are going on?
Or are you preparing yourself,
for the empty seat,
and the missing blonde head?

Are you remembering your lovely boy,
and all he went through this time last year?
Or are you remembering your lovely boy,
and reliving happy memories of a childhood,
albeit one which was all too brief.

Then as suddenly as you left, you are back.
Your face changes, and you look around,
as if surprised to see us all.
As if two fingers had clicked,
and magically made you appear in our midst.

You quickly comprehend the topic,
and join in as if you never left us.
You listen, laugh, and smile.
as I wonder did anyone else notice your absence?

Seeing you back again,
I continue to wonder where you went?
As I do I realise with a start,
that not all of you has returned.

Then I understood.photo credit: CarbonNYC via photopin cc

Last November when you said Goodbye to Daniel,
you did as every mother would,
you parceled up a piece of your heart,
and sent it off with him.

And so it is, that at times like tonight,
with a whisper only you can hear,
he calls your name and you are gone.

To Daniel,
your beautiful boy,
who will always hold a piece of your heart.

photo credit: Michael Mistretta via photopin cc

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21 thoughts on “Where do you go?

    1. Thanks Sara. She’s away on holiday, so hopefully is in a good place tonight, with a glass of proseco in her hand. Despite her pain she is amazing. xx

  1. beautiful! So well done! I was right there with you all and I saw it too. Thanks for taking us on that experience with you. Really nice.

  2. and they are always with each other, sometimes in a way that is more evident than others. beautiful, tric and this shows your high level of empathy and sensitivity towards others.

  3. Tric, this reminded me so much of distances of my late mother who undoubtedly lost a little bit of her heart when her beloved brother died when she was in her early forties. They were particularly close. It also made me think of one of her oft spoken sayings: ‘love is elastic.’

    1. I love that, ‘Love is elastic’. Looking back I can remember my own mom ‘leaving’ us too after Dad died. Thanks as always for reading.

    1. Maybe I should have put a warning on that one Charlene, but you know me, one minute a happy post the next…..
      This post came to me after a night out and I just had to write it before going to bed as it was filling my thoughts.

      1. My emotions have been right on the edge this week with digging out the memories. It seems like the tears flow for everything even funny things. I love everything you write, the good, the sad, and the lovely. I couldn’t use good, bad and ugly because I have yet to read anything you have written that is ugly. When do you find out about the Irish Awards? Got my fingers crossed for you.

        1. Thanks Charlene. I can’t imagine digging into the past. You are amazing.
          The blog awards are in October. I’m out of the best post as realistically it’s a popularity contest and I can’t compete, but I am a realist and that doesn’t really bother me.
          As for the Awards I’d love to be shortlisted and in truth to make a final list like last year would be a dream, but it is not an easy ask as there are quite a number of great blogs there. However this year I’ve got to know a lot of bloggers so I am so looking forward to the night and to meeting them.
          Best of luck with your memories.

    1. Thank you. It is a continuous ongoing sadness. My friend is amazing but for her this is life forever. For myself, the sadness is so much less, but none the less very much there, as it is for all her friends.

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