Only People Who Never Had Children Have The Perfect Child.

Most of us when we are childless imagine the perfect child we will rear.


We see children screaming and crying… We wont have one of them.

We visit friends who tell us that their children dislike most foods….
Definitely not having one of them. Our children will eat everything as they will not be given choices.

We see children everywhere eating sweets and enjoying fizzy drinks….
Tut tut, have their parents no sense at all ?

As for allowing them to watch too much television….Only limited time spent watching educational programmes will be allowed.

Computers and nintendo’s Β will not be necessary…
Our children will enjoy reading!

We have the baby. Reality bites!

Our baby cries! It cries a lot.
It cries even if it is dry, fed, winded, warm and rocked.
It cries for hours.


Food issues also loom very early.

Before the baby was born we knew breast was best.
We knew people it hadn’t worked for, but they were not us.
We would persevere for our baby!

One week after birth, as we cry over cracks and engorgement and other “unmentionables”,
we decide there is a lot to be said in favour of bottles!
But wait,
They only like certain teats,
The milk is too hot or cold.
They are still crying!

By the time our baby is 6 months old we are worn down.

Solids are the next step.
We are now forced to face facts early on, our baby is not turning out to have adventerous tastebuds!
Eventually we discover that its our cooking he hates.
We rationalize that baby food in jars must be good for them.
Eventually we fill our presses with 30 jars of the only two meals they will eat. (and one of them is a breakfast!)

Time passes in a daze of nappies, sleepless nights, meals and of course crying.
Eventually the inevitable happens, our child gets a sweet. The forbidden fruit!
It may be a visitor who introduces them, unaware of our decision to ban them from our childs diet.

Its over for us.
Sweets are everywhere.
So are people willing to give our child one.

Its all so tiring.
Again we rationalise, maybe its just hard, chewy sweets that are really bad.
We relent!

And so it is.
The dream is shattered.
In what seems to be the wink of an eye, we have before us, a fussy, sweet eating child, who is sitting in front of the television for hours, enjoying another pointless programme, with a nintendo in one hand, and a fizzy drink in the other!

A Lesson Learned.

Only people who never had children have the perfect child!

photo credit: Sergiu Bacioiu via photopin cc
photo credit: Fiery-Phoenix via photopin cc

23 thoughts on “Only People Who Never Had Children Have The Perfect Child.

  1. I SO agree on this! LOL.. When I was fresh out of high school, my first job (& for the next 3 years was child care. I dealt w/so many different kids & parents and told myself “I’m not going to be one of those parents”, “THAT is not going to be my kid”, “my kid will not have a binkie or blankie”, and the famous “I will NOT be like my mother” and the list goes one. Needless to say, I was one of those parents who rocked their babies to sleep every night, both my boys had a blankie until they were 4. They are now 7 and 4. I also turned out to BE my mother, or somewhat like her. I’ve also come to understand all the nagging & lectures she had given us before we had kids. Ahhh.. the life of parenting.. πŸ™‚

    1. There’s still a few “perfect mothers”, but I’m glad for my kids sake that I’m not one! Love hearing you’ve become your mother.

    1. Believe me I said them too, and loudly. Sadly I turned into a very different parent, but my kids have turned out okay!

  2. Oh, I am so glad that someone else experienced the trials of trying to do “the right thing” only to find the child will have none of it..thank you very much. Before the birth of my daughter, I vowed only cloth diapers would be allowed…no disposables for my precious! Well, she is allergic to bleach and so I had to choose between fighting rampant diaper rash or buying disposables.

    I chickened out on the breast feeding, but to make up for it, I vowed to use only glass bottles that you boiled to disinfect and waited while they warmed in boiling water until just the right temp…a temp that always seemed to escape me so the formula was either scalding or still close to freezing. Then my beautiful girl got colic and the pediatrician recommended Playtex bottles to reduce gas. Sigh..

    Now, on the good side, cloth diapers made the perfect dust cloths…even if they never graced the butt of a perfect child!

    Loved this post! Sometimes, I think I’m in a parallel universe and you are me on the other side! πŸ™‚

    1. The shattered dreams of parents! As I was writing it I began to remember more and more clearly the parent I thought I was going to be up to that moment when I gave birth. Yes Cranky we have a lot in common.

      1. To tell you the truth, I’ve met some “perfect” kids…and was bored to death by them. I’m glad mine are flawed…lovable but flawed in all the right places!

        1. Yes definitely. I have re read your original comment a few times and I’m laughing mad here. It is so typical though, the efforts we go to. Flawed but fabulous.

  3. Mine have all survived our parenting techniques. So far, at least. πŸ˜‰ I just listened to my gut instinct, and it seemed to work…. There was no point trying to make myself out to be better than I really am, or as the French say so beautifully, try to fart higher than my own arse – I’d only be found out eventually!

  4. Oh, so perfect! As a mom of three ADULTS, I still recognize this phenomenon! Now I simply snicker behind my hand when the next generation so cooly and calmly explains the mysteries of parenting to me.

    1. So true. I can remember when I had my first child my mum was very much like this. However whilst smiling and often laughing she let me find my own way. I can look forward to returning the favour with my own children.

  5. Try being mum of a kid with special needs! I could write several books full of the advice I’ve been given by other people – with and without children – about how to raise my kids. It seems I do it all wrong, and if I was only stricter/less strict/calmer/spent more time/spent less time with them there would be no more meltdowns, or other difficult stuff. And I swore I wouldn’t be the kind of mum who teachers ran and hid from when she came into school – and whatdyaknow? I think there must be some sort of panic alert button they press when I walk in.

    1. I can imagine it being multiplied by millions the advice given to a mum of a special needs child! I suppose at the end of the day we are a work in progress and are just trying to do our best! I love the strict/less strict etc advice, it is so very true! I remember one particular teacher who had no idea what it meant to be dyslexic, I had him tormented, but I think he improved over the year. πŸ™‚

  6. Oh man ! How i love your post. You couldn’t have put it finer. I am the 360 degree mum ! Everything i said i wouldnt do….i’ve done a u turn on !! Thank you for making me not feel alone !

    1. We are a huge club! It takes many years of failure to be admitted. Once in we realize how wrong we were to begin with! Welcome to the real world of parenting. πŸ™‚

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