There I am in the paper #77

The joy (ahem), that is decorating the house for Christmas. Here’s another article from my ‘It’s My Life’ column in the Examiner.

Now that we’re hurtling towards December 25th there’s no escape. Christmas is everywhere. It began so beautifully seconds after Halloween ended, baubles and Christmas trees appearing almost overnight in every shop. In my imaginings, I’d no doubt, this was the year I’d put together the perfect Christmas.

Browsing the decorations in shops, I planned with military precision how I’d decorate every room. There would be scented candles and garlands aplenty. Christmas throws and cushions would bedeck the sofa and lanterns filled with tiny lights would be strategically placed about the house. As for our tree, we’d buy the best one ever and decorate it like something from House and Home magazine.

To get my creative juices flowing I decided I needed inspiration so took myself off to the Christmas shop in our local Garden Centre. This is no ordinary Christmas shop, they obviously employ a person with skills way beyond any I possess, who creates a magical Christmas wonderland, the likes of which you’ve only ever seen in American Christmas movies.

This year it looked even more amazing, every inch filled with ideas, most of which had never occurred to me. There’s a room with all silver and white decorations, another with the traditional red, green and white. There’s Christmas with a modern twist or an old-fashioned one with rocking horses and teddy bears. Of course, I wanted all of them, but decided to stick with the traditional, which is mostly what we have at home already.

As I wandered around I searched for new ideas. Numerous realistic branches with bright red berries hung from windows and window sills. Yes, I thought, they’d look perfect in my house. So, I picked up two before noticing the beautiful garland’s draped over every door, their tiny lights twinkling, inviting me in. I could just see one over my sitting-room door.

Unfortunately, classy Christmas decorations come at a price and my two branches and garland came close to swallowing up the cash I’d brought, unless I decided to use my visa? No, not a good idea. So, I closed my eyes to the ‘perfect for the hall Santa’ just begging to come home with me and made for the tills, although not before some Christmas lights, a small snowman and a couple of Christmas scented candles somehow fell into my basket.

Arriving home the house was quiet so I set to, putting up my newly acquired decorations. Wandering from window to window I wondered where best to hang my lovely branches before realising that my two small branches looked pathetic compared to the many on display in the shop. Not to worry, I had the beautiful garland yet to find a home. I unfurled it with some difficulty, pulling out it’s fake branches only to realise there was a problem. Our sitting-room door was a double door, and this was clearly a single door garland. Maybe it would do?

Standing on a chair I held it over the door. How was I supposed to get it to stay up there? Balancing, with my arms stretched over my head I was alerted to another problem. The beautiful garland was quite literally snowing all over me and the hall carpet. I stepped down from the chair, causing a minor blizzard, and put the garland back in the box. This was not how it was meant to be.

Defeated I looked at my two pathetic branches and snow dripping garland and faced facts. I’d been having notions. Waving goodbye to House and Home I chucked the garland on the nearest window sill and plonked the two sad branches either side of it, kissing my perfect Christmas goodbye for another year.

Days later I’m still waiting for yer man, or anyone else to notice my efforts.

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