What are you thinking?
I am sure many women have asked this question and sat patiently waiting for the answer, and many men have heard it and thought, ‘Oh no, not again!’. It would appear that both sexes in general like to communicate in different ways, and this can lead to all manner of difficulties.
I can remember a day, when my marriage was still young and fresh, hearing a morning radio show host deliver his words of wisdom on the topic.
He described a scenario relevant to every couple who have ever been in a long term relationship.
A woman asks her partner if he would like a cup of tea? He doesn’t hear her and so he doesn’t answer. She flips out and he is left perplexed as to her over reaction.
The show host then says ‘The fool , the fool! Does he not know its got nothing to do with the cup of tea? Its to do with something he did or didn’t do weeks or months earlier’.‘It’s never about the cup of tea!’.
At the time I laughed and thought of my parents.
Now 22 years and many cups of tea later I think of myself and my own husband!
Isn’t it incredible that even to those we are closest to we cannot always communicate?
Isn’t it strange that we can undress and reveal all to someone, and yet not be able to show them how we really feel. Tell them what is really bothering us?.
Sometimes I wonder is it all a test?
Are we deliberately not telling in order to see if our partners;
1.Notice that something is up?
2. Care enough to try to figure it out
3. Love us!
We all have the ability to communicate, and do so in many different ways. We use language, laughter, tears, hand gestures (not two fingers, I mean waving and pointing!). We even communicate using silence.
However we communicate in riddles.
We smile….at someone we dislike.
We say “I’m fine…..when we are definitely not fine.
We say ” I want to be alone”….when we are oh so lonely.
We say “it’s not you, its me… when it is very definitely you.
We cry sometimes.. but they are tears of joy.
We say ” you look lovely… when they do not.
We say “see you again soon… when we mean never.
Over thousands of years our communication skills have evolved and developed. However, we still would seem to have a way to go. In many relationships there are moments when, perhaps a woman, is unimpressed/upset/annoyed/lonely/or sad about something and perhaps a man, is wondering what on earth is wrong with her. She communicates her upset non verbally, and he can never solve the puzzle.
Thankfully it would appear that at last this generation have come up with a solution. It is not a mind reading device, nor is it a warning bell, or list of possible answers. No, it is a simple modern day solution to an age old problem.
Today’s generation can sit down beside each other in the worst of moods, turn on netflix, open a bottle of wine, and unlike in the olden days, they can actually be upfront with each other and ask straight out what is wrong?
Well they don’t actually ask that, instead he can pull out a phone and text “Wots up wit you?“. She can then text back “You”.
And so the conversation can begin.