What are you thinking?
I am sure many women have asked this question and sat patiently waiting for the answer, and many men have heard it and thought, ‘Oh no, not again!’. It would appear that both sexes in general like to communicate in different ways, and this can lead to all manner of difficulties.
I can remember a day, when my marriage was still young and fresh, hearing a morning radio show host deliver his words of wisdom on the topic.
He described a scenario relevant to every couple who have ever been in a long term relationship.
A woman asks her partner if he would like a cup of tea? He doesn’t hear her and so he doesn’t answer. She flips out and he is left perplexed as to her over reaction.
The show host then says ‘The fool , the fool! Does he not know its got nothing to do with the cup of tea? Its to do with something he did or didn’t do weeks or months earlier’.‘It’s never about the cup of tea!’.
At the time I laughed and thought of my parents.
Now 22 years and many cups of tea later I think of myself and my own husband!
Isn’t it incredible that even to those we are closest to we cannot always communicate?
Isn’t it strange that we can undress and reveal all to someone, and yet not be able to show them how we really feel. Tell them what is really bothering us?.
Sometimes I wonder is it all a test?
Are we deliberately not telling in order to see if our partners;
1.Notice that something is up?
2. Care enough to try to figure it out
3. Love us!
We all have the ability to communicate, and do so in many different ways. We use language, laughter, tears, hand gestures (not two fingers, I mean waving and pointing!). We even communicate using silence.
With so many ways to communicate, you would think it should be easy to understand each other fully.
However we communicate in riddles.
We smile….at someone we dislike.
We say “I’m fine…..when we are definitely not fine.
We say ” I want to be alone”….when we are oh so lonely.
We say “it’s not you, its me… when it is very definitely you.
We cry sometimes.. but they are tears of joy.
We say ” you look lovely… when they do not.
We say “see you again soon… when we mean never.
Over thousands of years our communication skills have evolved and developed. However, we still would seem to have a way to go. In many relationships there are moments when, perhaps a woman, is unimpressed/upset/annoyed/lonely/or sad about something and perhaps a man, is wondering what on earth is wrong with her. She communicates her upset non verbally, and he can never solve the puzzle.
Thankfully it would appear that at last this generation have come up with a solution. It is not a mind reading device, nor is it a warning bell, or list of possible answers. No, it is a simple modern day solution to an age old problem.
Today’s generation can sit down beside each other in the worst of moods, turn on netflix, open a bottle of wine, and unlike in the olden days, they can actually be upfront with each other and ask straight out what is wrong?
Well they don’t actually ask that, instead he can pull out a phone and text “Wots up wit you?“. She can then text back “You”.
And so the conversation can begin.
photo credit: Neil. Moralee via photopin <a
photo credit: changeist via photopin cc
My thoughts on a page. 
This is so perfect! And so true to stuff going on with me now but you know what we did talk, and it did help xx
That’s great to hear.
I think we can always talk if given a chance, it’s starting the conversation, the real conversation, which is the hard part.
I know that I for one am brutal at that first sentence.
I used to seethe & fester about things for wks. As I hobble towards my senior years i’m more inclined to just say what i think or feel. I’m not the most diplomatic but I am honest. Great post Tric
I still can’t. He has to be a mind reader I’m afraid. But he’s almost fully qualified now!😄
And I married a man with Asperger’s… I could hit him over the head and he still would not get the hint.
Heehehee. Lmao
What a great topic! I am married to a clinical psychologist, and it still took us 20 years to figure out how to fully communicate! Eventually, I learned to say, “You need to look at me and listen. Then you need to tell me what you think.”
Love the idea of texting my thoughts to him!
“WTF?!”
Sadly with me it’s still frost and the look that stays ‘feckin eejit’
Oh, I love the way I hear you accent what I say “Feckin eejit!”
Here in Massachusetts, it would be “What the hell, you freakin’ ass?”
Yes I think Fecking eejit is peculiar to the Irish! Maybe I’ll do a vlog some day and you’ll hear me in real life!
Isn’t it funny though that their is a need in every language and dialect to express the same opinion in a similar fashion.
I used to want people to read my mind, but then when they wouldn’t I would get so upset. Finally I decided that the only way to solve the problem was to be upfront when issues would arise. Sometimes that is accepted and other times I’m simply “blowing things out of proportion, overreacting, or have PMS.” That’s what I’m told anyway.
Men certainly have their issues when it comes to communication as well. Many don’t want to hear it, either because of the reasons mentioned above or simply because they don’t want to have to deal with it. A lazy communicator is a bad communicator and so is one who chooses avoidance. I’ve also found that many men *do* purposely ignore women when the woman is trying to have an important discussion. I almost wrote a blog earlier today asking men why they choose to do this. We won’t ever understand them and they won’t ever understand us.
I agree, but sometimes we learn to understand the difference. Did you do that blog post? I’d be interested to read it.
I didn’t, but may still in the future. I’ll let you know if I do.
i love this, and it’s so true, tric. i also love the tea quote –
I love the tea quote it is so very very true, in my marriage anyway!
My husband and I communicate…but, we’re each talking about different things. You see, he has selective hearing,and some of the answers he gives me shows that his hearing is truly deteriorating. We have some funny conversations, but he needs to get his hearing checked. You are so spot on about the text messages. I see my kids do it to their boyfriends/girlfriends all the time.
Your husband and mine are twins. Some days deaf as a post! It does make some conversations fun, unless I’m trying to have a serious one. I think growing up there would have been a lot of moments I’d have loved the chance to text someone instead of having to talk to them!
Hilarious, Tric, and so true. I’m convinced men have fewer words at their disposal, so they use them sparingly. 😉