Today’s letter is a very heartfelt honest letter. It tells, not only the story of one very strong ladies battle out of an abusive relationship, but also her dealing with depression. I don’t believe anyone who reads this letter can finish it, and not feel deep admiration for the writer.
The writer at this time wishes to remain anonymous, although I suspect if her parents read her letter, they would be very proud indeed.
Dear Mam and Dad,
I am sorry for that night when you got a phonecall to say I had taken a cocktail of pills. I don’t really remember much of that time but I know you (probably rushed) on a long journey to reach where I was and you both came to see me in hospital. It was a warning call and I’m sorry I went back into the bad situation afterwards against your advice. I now know what it is like to be a parent and how hard it must have been for you to watch me go back to someone that was clearly wrong for me. I promise you at the time I really didn’t know how bad it was, how silly I was being, I couldn’t see it. There was a fog of depression, but there was also a naivety and a clinging onto something, even though it was the wrong thing.
I think at that stage I had been in limbo for about 4 years, after a series of huge changes and problems I felt I had nobody. I had no friends, the relationship had isolated me from anyone that had been in my life previously. With the family so far away, that was it. Me and him, and something bad was going to happen at some stage.
You recently told me that I should talk about this and gave out that I never want to talk about it blah blah. I did talk about it at counselling. Of course it’s always there as a big mistake in my past, a time when I made bad decisions and thought I was in love and worse thought that the person hurting me loved me. There are reasons I don’t want to speak to you about it though. There are assumptions you’ve made that are incorrect, we’re not good at talking about such hard hurtful things. And I would rather just let it lie now.
I wish you had told me about depression being in the family, I wish you didn’t try to sweep it under the carpet and tell me I couldn’t be depressed. I wish we had been more open about such things. It took a long time to come to term with my depression and believe it’s not all my own fault. In a generation now which is becoming more open about mental health issues, I know I will be educating and talking openly to my children about depression in years to come. I’m not blaming you, that’s how things were. It is easy for me to see that as a problem and how I will not make that mistake with my kids. Not so easy for you to either know it was a mistake or realise how much it hurt at the time.
My life is different now, it’s turned around, I escaped. I finally saw the light, left the bastard. Went to counselling. I slowly built up from zero friends to pushing myself to do activities and slowly finding people to do things with. I met my wonderful partner and had my own family. I found ways to deal with my depression. I have a bunch of super supportive friends and I’m happy with my lot.
Thank you for somehow bringing me up to have it in myself to deal with what happened and to scrape myself up and start again. I owe so much to how good you both are as parents.
*** Have you a letter to someone you would love to write? A first love? A letter to a younger you? Someone you wish to thank? Maybe a confession? Or a letter to someone who has made your life difficult?
I am still taking contributions to this series of letters. Check out the guidelines for submission or just contact me with any queries. You can read previous contributions using the “series of letters” link.