Can you remember a time when if you heard that your heart would race?
Now you’re a parent of a toddler and it has a whole new meaning.
You haven’t had a nights sleep in eighteen months.
Memory, humor, disposition, judgement have all become seriously impaired.
Enough is enough.
Other people have managed it.
Tonight is the night your toddler is staying in its own bed all night!
All the books suggest that the key to your child sleeping is to,
1. Have a routine.
2. Give your toddler a bath.
3. Read them a story.
4.Put them into their cot and say goodnight.
You follow the advice.
Every point checked.
Bed time at last.
Simple!
Pity your toddler cant read.
Up until the moment he went into bed all was looking good.
You caught him yawning,
“Oh Joy, he’s definitely tired”.
However once he saw you retreat out that bedroom door up he jumps.
Eventually after a bit more,
coaxing, rocking, storytelling and another bottle,
he drops off.
Before you had children the only sleep deprivation you had experienced was self induced.
Even then you made up for it by sleeping round the clock the next day.
However your babies first birthday,
was also the anniversary of the last time you slept a full night.
I can remember a friend telling me about their neighbour.
They had a fourteen month old who woke every night.
The only solution was a bottle with blackcurrant cordial in it.
Nothing else worked.
One night they ran out of blackcurant.
In desperation they tried milk.
The mother handed over the bottle of milk to her expectant baby,
then crept quietly towards the door.
“Thump!”, the bottle of milk,
hit her on the back of the head!
My friends thought this was outrageous behavior.
A baby ruling the house like that.
And what damage were they doing to its teeth?
Two years later the same friends would drive around at night,
searching every shop,
for a particular brand of blackcurrant cordial,
for their own little girl!
During the day it’s easy to strengthen our resolve.
We understand we may have to let him cry.
We listen to all sorts of advice,
and then use the internet, hoping for different advice!
“Leave him cry”…
You worry, for how long? Will this damage him?
“Stay with him but don’t pick him up”….
What a nightmare, you would be awake and out of bed!
“Don’t give him any bottle”….
So you have to listen to, “Please mama, ba ba!” being roared between sobs.
However, according to the experts,
the greatest sin of all,
is to take your toddler into bed with you!
Oh dear, this has been happening every night for months!
Well not tonight.
Tonight the bed is for you and your partner.
You will persevere.
You are determined.
The time arrives.
Your toddler wakes.
You are firm.
You are determined.
Over an hour of mayhem passes,
during which you try to apply every piece of advice you received,
Eventually you are all crying or close to it!
At last one of you cracks.
Muttering about how ridiculous this is,
the tear soaked, sobbing child, is picked up out of his cot.
He instantly clings to you like he will never let you go.
Gasping for breath between sobs.
You return to your bed with your toddler.
He settles down between you,
Two minutes later he falls fast asleep.
As do you both!
Ah well there is always tomorrow night!
photo credit: reverbca</a> via photopin</a> cc</a>
photo credit: -mrsraggle-</a> via photopin</a> cc</a>
******* There is a lot happening here at the moment so I have “lost” my blogging mojo for today. I thought some of you may enjoy this old post until I’m back.
My thoughts on a page. 
I bet that is where they got the idea of using sleep deprivation as a form of torture from.
Then mothers should be automatically allowed into the army. They have years of training compared to fathers. Although that selective deafness men develope may in fact be a better defence!
Haha!
The internet Tric, so that’s where we went wrong nearly 40 years ago??
All the answers are in the internet, and if you don’t like what you read you can just keep searching until you do! Pity the baby can’t read.
But they are getting there, it will soon replace the bottle!!
Oh, how I remember those terrible struggles! But I have to say, if I had it to do over again, I’d cuddle my babies for as long as they wanted me. They all end up growing up and letting us go….don’t feel bad about giving him what he needs!
I totally agree with you. It is one of many things I’d change if I could go back. What does it matter because as you say, it all ends eventually and we can never get those years back.
This is hilariously true. I wish I’d had this post when my tots were tots.
It’s going on FB now. I have some family with tots to contend with.
😀
Aw thanks a million Teela glad you enjoyed it. These are days we never forget!
That first pic is hilarious.
It says it all!
Ideas of ideal parenting are grand, until the actual moment arrives when we must employ them.
Yes and when you are tired all plans go out the door.
Oh geez. We went through this when they were six months, now I guess we’ll probably have to do it again when they’re toddlers. It’s no joke, being a parent.
Maybe you’ll be one of the lucky ones. I had four and had no luck whatsoever!
so very funny tric, and so true. i think it’s backwards, you should be able to sleep as much as you want when your kids are little, you need the energy, and be sleep deprived when old, because you don’t have to be anywhere or take care of anyone else, just a thought )
It is ironic how we crave sleep when we can’t have it and have no interest in it when we know we can sleep all night. I suppose the saying “that which is rare is precious” is true. My own mum seems to never sleep even listening to the radio during the night, but amazingly she said occasionally she still wakes imagining she can hear one of us calling her.
She is 83.
I’d never heard this before. It’s excellent!
It’s a real book, I’ve seen it in a bookshop!! (They have a child friendly version, too, apparently.)
Called?? Go to sleep you fecker??
This. This is my life right now. Toddler in the bed, and 9 month old who wakes halfway through EVERY night and will only be comforted by sleeping with us.
help me.
Did you see Duncan at madhatters comment showing the samuel L jackson video of him reading the story “Go the fuck to sleep”.
I was just like you when my little ones were small, the little feckers did not seem to understand “lie in” or even “sleep at least six hours”.
Best wishes, hang in there better days come I promise!
Destroyer has always been such a great sleeper. She just moves around and talks in her sleep like a bit of a psycho.
My Buddy, however is just trying to kill me though. I’m sure.
I’ve told him to go the fuck to sleep. It just makes him angry, lol.
Ha ha ha! I knew what was going to happen… we all eventually give in! 😀
I wish I’d given in more!
After a good night’s slep, I feel I can take on the world. A rough night and a breeze could blow me over. My two are amazing sleepers, but recently they are both wetting the bed again. I can’t wait until this phase is over!
Oh dear, but as you say it’s only a phase, but like all phases very trying and never ending at the time.
Wait til they’re teenagers they’ll never wake!
There are benefits! Now 6 hours unbroken sleep feels like 10 hours used to 🙂
Yes it is definitely a lesson in appreciation!