Series of Letters. Letter 5.

This is a lovely letter from a mother to her children.
It’s writer blogs at Its all about a bit of this and that.

I hope you enjoy it.

“Dear Kids,

I know it’s an obvious first thing to say but I love you. More than anything in the world, more than myself, your Dad, anyone. Don’t worry I do love Dad just in a different way.

This is my most honest letter to you both.

Stephanie you are the most beautiful girl inside and out. Your patience, understanding and love for your brother brings the tear to my eye, joy to my heart and the smile to my face, when I see how you love him as much as I do, but in a sisterly way. No one but me will ever see you like I do or understand how your life changed when your brother came along. There will be friends that enter and leave your life that think they understand what you go through daily with your brother, but only one or two will stick around. There will be friends that really don’t understand and will be uncomfortable when he is around. But to be honest I think that you have already, in your 13 yr old mind figured that out and vet your friends before even bringing them home. Well done, your Dad and I learned that the hard way!

I say ’13 year old mind’, but actually you are so much more mature than that. I admire you so much that it makes me (and your Dad) proud beyond photo credit: donovanbeeson via photopin ccbelief. You have seen a lot more than I would have liked you to in your short life, your brother having seizures, ignorant people staring at him, watching me and your Dad sometimes getting it wrong with him when he starts to exhibit ‘challenging’ behaviour because of his learning disabilities. It’s not fair and it sometimes makes me sad that you have had to deal with that. Again, you have already figured out that life is unfair but get on with it anyway. I hope that that is what you have learned from me and your Dad, just deal with it!
I would also like to say thank you. You may wonder why, but because you have been such an intuitive daughter you have made life a lot easier for me and your Dad when you were quite within your rights to kick off yourself and vie for our attention. What I mean is that when Samuel has been ‘kicking off’ or ‘brewing’ as we put it, you have instinctively tried to distract him to help the situation or walked away and gone to your room if you are finding it too hard to deal with or if you have seen that I am struggling you have given me a cuddle. Thank you, beautiful girl. That cuddle is worth more than any value that exists. I just hope that as a Mum I have helped, loved and given you everything that YOU need!

Only those that have walked a mile in your shoes will ever understand Steph, but always give time to those who want to understand!

Samuel, what can I say? Firstly, like your sister, you are beautiful inside and out. You are also inspiring but will never know. Before you were born, life for me, Dad and Stephanie was like a boat on a lake. Pretty, happy, bobbing and drifting along nicely. That’s nice but can get a bit samey. The day you were born we were shivvied onto a rollercoaster, you know (because you love them!) one of those rides that not only dips violently up and down, but also flips you upside down and twists like a cork screw several times over and also chucks water at you whilst you are still struggling with having your brain blendered in your skull. The strange thing is that when you exit the ride you want to do it all over again.
You were born with a brain that because of ‘things’ beyond anyone’s control, is wired differently. If I say damaged people find that very uncomfortable to hear. But that is fact. It was damaged. What I do know is that it doesn’t define you. You have a personality so big it defys your smaller than average frame! You do not know what the word ‘can’t’ means and shame some, when you do the things you do despite your physical and mental limitations. But that’s the crux of it, you don’t see the limitations. To you they aren’t limitations because they simply don’t exist to you. I have to say that this makes life very interesting for me, Dad and Steph, but that is what we love about you. The fact that you think that you can do everything and will give EVERYTHING a go. You are the reason I want to shake some parents by the shoulders and shout…….let your kids give it a try, don’t stop them, don’t wrap them in cotton wool!!! You have shaped us MORE than any education, friend, job, experience we have ever had and the beauty of it is that you have done it unwittingly! Thank you, beautiful boy.

Anyway, I have prattled on for far too long now.

Thanks kids for enriching my life in so many ways and making me proud in very different ways and educating me. I wish more parents were able to learn from their kids like I do.

Mum XX”

photo credit: donovanbeeson via photopin cc

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14 thoughts on “Series of Letters. Letter 5.

  1. beautiful letter Tric and very aptly posted after your blog last night!!!! We don’t know if this is a’ stay at home mum’ or not. We do know that she is a mum trying to cope with all that life throws at her and still comes out smiling. Lovely lovely letter.

  2. Damage is damage, call it what it is. You are a remarkable mom, though, so you call it what ever you want to call it, my Lady! You have earned that right.

  3. This is interesting. I deeply appreciate how having a child with a disability changes the dynamic of a family–I was that child. The feelings expressed here by the mother are widely-felt by parents with children with disabilities….and I regularly wish there was more support for moms of disabled kids.

    1. Thanks for your comment. It must have been difficult for you too, knowing that the dynamics of your family changed when you were born. Or did you not think about it?
      Thankfully, I have a good support network, but I know some aren’t so lucky.

      x

      1. My parent out a lot if emphasis on raising me “normally” and being that my disability is mainly physical, it was rarely discussed overtly. I felt a lot of pressure to inspire people and be the wise one, however, as this is often how ppl unintentionally (even my mom) make meaning out of the struggle of disabled ppl lives.

        1. It’s interesting you should say about being raised ‘normally’, although I don’t think anyone could really say what normal is. My son doesn’t have your level of understanding, but I do try and make sure he is included whenever possible. Quite a challenge for a boy who is twelve but still behaves like a toddler.
          I am sure, like your Mum I do somethings unintentionally.

        2. For sure, and its no use to point fingers. The reason I say normal is quotation marks is because there isn’t a normal. In this context I simply meant raising me without much acknowledgement around my disability so that I wouldn’t feel different, or less than. Anyway, please don’t feel I am taking away from your struggle by discussing my personal experience. Best of luck.

        3. My apologies, I have re read what I have written and realised it isn’t worded very well. Sorry I didn’t mean any offence. x

  4. this is such a beautiful letter and includes a thanks, something very rarely heard from parent to child, usually in the reverse. what a lovely gift to these children, they will never doubt that they are and have been deeply and truly loved. )

    1. This has been a very interesting discussion. I think for most parents we would wish to ensure our less able children are not discriminated against, so we do our best to “normalise” them. You seem to be saying you would like your disability acknowledged also.

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