This is a very powerful letter from an incredible lady.
It is a trigger post, so I would like to alert you to that before you read it.
Initially this writer chose anonymity but she has since changed her mind.
After you read it I am sure you will agree, this lady is extraordinary.
She has survived so much, but more than that she has gone on to live.
Her name is Charlene and she blogs at mrscharmcd.
Hey you, yes you, the one I never want to think about again. You were supposed to be my protector. You were supposed to be the role model that taught me what to look for in a spouse. You had a chance to show me what a knight in shining armor was like. You had a chance to create a wonderful life, one that didn’t have ugly memories. You had three little girls that adored you. What made you decide that you could take our innocence like you did?
Why was what you did to us not enough? How could you give us to others to do the same to us too? Did you not care that every time something happened was just one more notch on the wall of distrust? Do you know how long it took me to be able to actually trust someone enough to not use me for my body? Did you even care that you taught me that the only way to know someone loved me was to give my body too them?
I remember calling you Daddy; I couldn’t wait for you to come home, I loved you. You created a trust triangle filled with love. But you slyly eroded that, it didn’t take you long before you took advantage of a child’s eagerness to please. If you want to do this, than you have to do that. If you want to go out to play then you need to sit here and take a nap in my lap first. “Don’t move the blanket, don’t let them see that your panties are off and my zipper is down. Just sit here quietly and stop that crying.” You said as I sat there crying and watching my friend not understand why I couldn’t go play. This went on for years, different scenarios but always the same outcome. You took our childhoods away. You took our innocence away.
In conversations with friends, talking about our first experiences what was I supposed to say? I was never innocent you took that from me when I was 6. But I tried to teach you a lesson when I was 13 and my cycle started. If no one would believe me when I told them what was going on, they sure would if I turned up pregnant, living breathing proof in the presence of a baby. But you figured it out before that could happen. However, you forgot there was another you were taking advantage of; you took care of that with my sister didn’t you? You are despicable; you robbed her too, of her innocence. You robbed that little baby too. She doesn’t have a father that she can be proud of; she didn’t get that knight in shining armor either.
Two good men are dead because of you. One knew what you were doing to us and I don’t know if you offered us to him or not, but he never touched us (at least he never touched me). Instead I would wake up at night with him in our room smoking a cigarette and just waiting or watching. Looking back I think he was doing his best to guard us. When he was in there you never came in. I think he smoked those cigarettes so you would see the red glow and know he was there. He committed suicide. You made him do that.
The other died protecting us too. That night you broke in, thinking you could just take what you wanted; kidnap my sister and the baby. You didn’t just scare us, or traumatize us; you caused a good family to lose a good father. He died that night, I don’t think he really truly understood the evil that you were. The stress of trying to protect us caused a heart attack that he would not have ever had if you were never in our lives.
You have no place in our lives now, you are dead and gone. You are the dirt I walk on. When I heard you were dead I celebrated. I knew that no other little girl that walked this earth and came in contact with you would ever be hurt. The evil that was you is gone, the hypocrisy and pretending that you did were all for nothing. I know where you are now, and you are not resting in peace.
It has been over 30 years now and I still have flashbacks and remember things that no little girl should ever have to remember. For all the destruction you did to my childhood, I never let you have that influence on my adulthood. Despite the way my life could have gone, I was determined that you were not going to ruin it. I made something of myself, I have a great marriage, I have fantastic children. I found my Knight in Shining Armor and he treats me like an angel. I found in him everything that you weren’t. I feel sorry for you, you had so much that you could have been blessed with and you threw it all away, for some temporary gratification.
I am no longer your teddy bear