Taking Stock!

Do you ever look at your life,
and wonder how you got to be here?
Did you see this as your future,
when you dreamed as a child?

Other than to have children,
I did not really dream too much of my future.
My only wish was to be happy.

As a teenager.
life conspired against me,small__4752606716
and I struggled.
More happened to me as a teen,
than most experience in a lifetime.
I was left battered and bruised.
But as the saying goes,
“That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”,
proved very true for me.

This was all brought into focus for me,
by a five year old boy.

I was driving a gang of six children all under nine,
home from school one day.
They had overheard me telling a friend,
that I had repeated my final school exams years before,
as I had not done well enough to get into nursing.

Now being a clever and responsible mother,
I had always told my children,
that I was the perfect student!
So now they had me captured,
within the confines of the car,
the questions flowed.

“Why did you repeat?”
“Were you bold?”
“Did you not study hard enough?”

I did my best and came up with an inspiring,
but totally fabricated tale,
about how few places there were for nursing that year,
and what huge grades I’d have had to achieve to get in.
I also told them that I worked so hard,
that the following year I achieved those high grades,
and got my hearts desire!
(My mother would say two things at this point,
a lie wouldn’t choke me, and I could say mass!)

They were suitably impressed,
and heaped praise on me for my huge efforts.
Then my son who was five at the time, said,
“Wasn’t it great you failed?”
The others, all female, shouted at him.
“Were you not listening?”
“Did you not hear how hard it was and how disappointed she was?”.
Then he said,
“But she did get in the next year,small__3901358270
and met her best friend,
and went on holiday with her,
and met Dad there,
and had US!”

And so there it was.
A five year old could see that,
the extraordinary twists and turns,
and seemingly endless upsets and disappointments I had had in life,
had all been worth it.

Today I take stock again,
and the truth remains.
I have been very very lucky.
If I had to be so unhappy to become this happy,
It was all worth it!

photo credit: sacks08 via photopin cc
photo credit: Andrew Pescod via photopin cc

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16 thoughts on “Taking Stock!

  1. Awe, I love this. I was a teen that had big dreams and life didn’t work out quite the way that I planned. I spent years wandering around lost until I had my perfect little family and I am always so grateful…even if the teenage me would have DIED knowing I would become a stay-at-home mom! 😉

  2. I don’t know if anyone’s life turns out the way they hope. I dreamed of a Prince Charming who would rescue me from an painful life; and all I’ve gotten are 3 toads. By the way, you have one precocious 5 year old.

  3. Another great post!

    I had no notion of what I wanted to be when I was a teen – other than I didn’t want to settle down with a wife and kids and a steady 9-5 job like all my friends. I wanted to do something different. To be free. To travel. And for a while I did just that. And everyone thought me a wastrel and irresponsible

    It’s a life that’s had it’s ups and downs like that of most folk. Along the way I met and fell in love . with some lovely women (and a few of them loved me in return – though not as many as I would have liked 😆 )

    Looking back on my life now, it’s easy to see the turning points – the decisions made that led to one outcome rather than another. Some decisions led to heartbreak and sorrow. Others to joy. But they all formed links in an unbroken chain that led to where I am now. And if I had made different choices, I might have avoided some pain. But then I would not have met and married the woman who gave me 22 wonderful years before the cancer took her from me. So I have no regret over any ‘wrong’ decisions I made in my life. They were just steps on the path (a somewhat raggedy path at times, I’ll admit 😆 ) to happiness

    You are blessed to have found your own happiness with those you love – for in the end, love is all that matters !

    1. Fab comment. So very true. I’d never go back but its been
      a great “ride”, in the journey sense! And this quare fella I got is still pushing my buttons.

  4. I have been asked if I feel resentment or anger about how my life turned out especially after getting Stage 3 cancer and Phill’s precarious health situation. I honestly answer each time and very emphatically “NO” It’s my life and it is full of wonderful people, moments and memories that far outweigh all the difficult stuff. If I hadn’t met my daughter’s father I wouldn’t have the best daughter in the world for me. If that relationship hadn’t ended I would never have met Phill and gained a great friend & husband as well as a great stepson. You worded your piece beautifully as always Tric.

    1. Thanks Mary. I think as we grow older and have so many experiences in our past we know when we should be acknowledging how “lucky” we are. You have lived through a lot of difficult days especially recently, I can see it in your photography that you smell the roses every day!

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