I am no longer the first thing on his mind each morning,
or the last thought he has before he sleeps.
I wonder if in fact, I figure at all,
in the minutes or hours between.
I remember the early days,
when I was his source of joy,
and time spent in each others company,
seemed to be at odds,
with the time we saw on the clock,
speeding along at an alarming rate.
Now I see that the small moments I ask of his time,
are an annoying interlude.
They are what must be done,
so that he can, with less guilt,
make contact with “her”.
This morning he let his guard down,
and almost forgot to kiss me goodbye.
I crumbled inside,
asking myself quietly,
the questions I dare not ask aloud.
Is he pushing me away?
Has he only room in his heart,
for his young blonde bombshell?,
In over twenty years,
I have never doubted his love.
I thought we had something special.
I was wrong, and the old saying,
“no one is irreplaceable” comes to mind.
I will have to face the truth.
Four children and time have taken its toll.
I cannot give him what she can.
I will have to decide,
“Can I share him?”