My thoughts on a page.

We hear of the attacks in Paris and we worry, yet the reality in all our lives is that when tragedy strikes our family our circle shrinks. We care not one bit for what is happening in the world around us. The day we hear a family members life is at risk, we close rank and what we thought was important changes.

It’s November, the month of the year we said goodbye to Daniel. No matter how good or bad the day is, my mind drifts back two years, to the watching and waiting. I remember the fear and dread of every minute, that the call would come and we would have to face our worst nightmare. Not for a second did I leave my phone out of my hand, day or night, just in case. The fear of losing him was intense.

I was indulging in some tears the other night and re read some of my posts around that time. Then I found this one. This post was written when Daniel, 13, was put on life support. It reminds me today of what is important in my life and what we should all remember.

Danny had become very ill and as his siblings arrived to sit with him I listened as his mum wondered if she would ever hear him speak again. Thankfully after a number of days he did come off the life support machine. This is the post I wrote in those days when we didn’t know if he would wake and the relief when he did. I share it tonight, not to be miserable and filled with mourning, but to remind us all to remember each and every day what really matters.

What really matters in life?

How many times in a day do we stop and think, I am so lucky?
Sometimes in our busy lives, we fail to see all that we have.

We become blinded by everyday trials. Our children crying or waking up early, having tantrums and trying our patience. Our partners just not getting us.

As we hurry through our day, following deadlines for work,
or rushing to collect and deliver children, we get lost in the everyday mania.

Lost in moments of frustration.
The child who took too long eating, or finding his shoes.
The tantrum in the shopping centre,or the ticking of the clock as we sit in traffic.
During these times it is easy to forget.

Forget to take a breath and see what we have, and know just how lucky we are.

This week I have had cause to really think about this. As I did I pondered.

How would I feel, if I would never again hear my child’s voice?
What if that moment had passed?
If I knew that I would never again hear,
“Mom I love you”.
And never again hold my child close, and whisper softly,
“Sweetheart I love you too”.

I have had reason to imagine this possibility this week.
It has been sobering and heartbreaking.
Each night as I have said “goodnight” to my children,
I have thought about it.
As I hugged them close and they replied,
“Night mom, Love you too”.
I have thought about it.
Each time I texted my children who are far away,
I appreciated the fact they could reply.

Happily for now at least, there is a break. I can now imagine what it would be like,
to be able to once again say to my young child,
“I love you”, and know my words are heard.
I can imagine what it would be like to hear, the most precious of sounds, my child’s voice, as they say “I love you too Mum”.

Imagine the pleasure of enjoying once more a hug from your child?

What would that hug feel like? To hold them once again in your arms,
and feel that hug all the way to your heart.
A part of you reunited.

As I think about all this I am reminded, how busy and complicated our lives are.
But when it comes to it, life is so very simple.

To be able to hold your child or loved one close, and whisper
“I love you. I really love you”.

In any day, that is all that really matters.

photo credit: Clapagaré via photopin cc</a
photo credit: IronRodArt – Royce Bair (“Star Shooter”) via photopin cc