Today is the day. I’ve not spoken about this, as just thinking about it causes me great anxiety. Today is the day it was decided, to book my new phone in for a minor operation.
At 2pm today I will be travelling back, to a time when the thought of carrying a phone around was unimaginable.
The mere thought of our separation makes me uneasy. How will I manage without it? What if someone texts me?
How have I become this person? I, who many years ago decided to stop wearing a watch as I felt it was ruling my life, have become addicted to my iPhone which I’ve had for just a few weeks.
Every few minutes it and I connect. I cannot resist pushing that “home” button, often unconsciously, only to discover that, no, I had not missed the bing from a new message, the vibration from an email, nor that jazzy ring tone. In reality no one had contacted me in the few short minutes since last I’d checked the phone. Do I then put the phone with no messages aside? No, not to be put off by the fact no one has anything to say to me, I then take the opportunity to go online. I check my emails and finally facebook ( as there is always something to see there).
Having received my iPhone “hit”, I can at last continue with whatever I was supposed to be doing. That’s the plan anyway, but as the minutes pass, unless I am working or very busy, I feel the itch in my finger begin once more, the need to check that home button. Maybe I missed something.
As I write this it is clear to me, that I do indeed need time and space away from my phone in order to fully address my addiction. I imagine as we say “Goodbye” that I will struggle. How will I feel leaving that shop without it? What if it beeps or rings as I walk away? Would it be acceptable to
grab it, ask for it back? Maybe it would be kinder to turn it off in the car and share a quiet goodbye before handing it over.
I wonder as I leave that shop phoneless will I feel free? I imagine that the part of me which got rid of my watch all those years ago, may well sing “Hallelujah”. I will be free. No texts, no emails or calls. No twitter, facebook or internet. No interruptions of any kind.
As I work, drive, chat, help with homework, or interact with family or friends there will be no one to interrupt the moment. I really will be living that minute, not sharing it with potentially so many others.
What freedom. To actually leave the house and be completely alone. Out of contact. Maybe later I will return home and sit and read for awhile or chat. Again with no demands by outsiders on my time. Just my family and I alone together.
I really hope this forced time apart will give me a fresh insight into how intrusive I have allowed my phone to become, and how ridiculously over attached I am to it ( I even took it to the bathroom the other day!). How is it that something so small can have such a strong hold on me? Thankfully it would appear I have realised this just in time, and hopefully I can break free.
But wait…. I hear beeping. It’s my phone. It’s calling me… Excuse me, I’ll just check who it is. I’ll be back in a second…………………………………………..