I read a lot of blogs and it is clear to see that there are many bloggers,
who wake up every day with a fog of darkness around them.
It is difficult to understand their plight when you are not standing in their shoes.
Today, I have no darkness around me. The weather reflects my mood, sunny and bright.
I wear a smile on my face, but more importantly I also smile, inside.
However I can remember a time when I too was surrounded by fog.
I was a young mother with two beautiful children.
A husband who loved me and a lovely home.
Each day I got up and lived a normal life. Others saw me smile and heard me laugh.
To them it would appear that for me life was good.
All the boxes should have been ticked.
However that smile was only skin deep. Inside I was at sea.
Many different issues needed to be dealt with. A daily battle took place internally.
Between holding on to all that was happening in the present, and dealing with the past.
A place I dared not revisit, but a place which chose despite my best efforts, to revisit me regularly. Especially at night.
As I would try to sleep, all that I worked so hard at every day to suppress would emerge.
A face I wished to forget would taunt me.
Moments I wanted to forget would flash before me,
and at times I would even hear his voice.
As friends and family would ask how my little one was sleeping,
they could never have guessed that those dark tired eyes,
were due to sleepless nights of my own making.
However I fought my way through, always believing that happiness was my right.
I wanted to feel happy, truly happy.
I wanted to laugh and feel that laugh within me. Not just the hollow sound I could hear as I laughed aloud.
I wanted to wear my smile deep in my heart, not just on my face.
And then one day I won. I can remember it clearly.
My son was eighteen months old.
I was walking down the stairs, holding him in my arms. He had woken from his afternoon nap and was still in that lovely place between sleep and awakening.
He put his arms around me, and his little head to the side, resting it on my shoulder.
I could hear him sucking on his soother, and I could smell the sleep on his hair.
I hugged him close and paused on the stairs to kiss his little head.
I caught myself smiling, and then it struck me.
A real pain, which I still struggle to describe today. It felt like I was really hurting inside.
I gasped.
And in that moment I realized, I was smiling inside. Really smiling.
That was eighteen years ago. Happily I have continued to smile, almost daily since that day.
Happiness is a feeling I greatly enjoy and one I seek out regularly.
There is no greater feeling than to laugh or feel happy inside.
As I look around my life, I regularly meet people, who to my mind, do not really appreciate happiness.
It is only because I clearly remember what it is to be truly unhappy, that I enjoy every happy moment I experience.
Today despite a lot of difficult and trying situations I can still say I am happy.
But more importantly I really appreciate that I am happy each and every day.
photo credit: Chapendra via photopin cc
photo credit: Hayley Bouchard via photopin cc
photo credit: whatchumean via photopin cc
My thoughts on a page. 
wonderful reminder to wake up with an aspiration of gratitude, and continue nurturing it throughout the day. helps balance the inevitable negative thoughts and feelings.
Yes happiness is not always a passive emotion. Sometimes we need to work to it but often we don’t even realize we are experiencing it. What a waste. Thank you for reading and commenting.
As one that knows illness; I can say there are things to smile about every single day…sometimes, we just have to be aware to look for them. Sending a warm embrace.
I did think about you and others I know who have very difficult situations and yet they take time to try to enjoy some happiness and appreciate it. Thanks so much for that warm embrace! Sending one straight back to you.
Thanks you precious lady.
I mostly always wake up a little groggy from the Irish in me the night before, but then mostly become a happy pappy as the day progresses. I like happy Tric and hope she stays that way.
Thanks Don. There’s nothing like the Irish! I have no intention of losing happy Tric anytime in the future. 🙂
life must be grabbed by the throat and shaken and drunk with great gratitude, for soon it will be gone~
You are so right. We never know and thankfully I’ve lived a long time happy now.
Super post! Thank you for sharing! It’s great to see true joy/happiness abound in peoples lives! No this momentary happiness based on what we’ve purchased or consumed in some form or another; but real happiness; the kind that makes a PERMA-GRIN for no reason other than we…*are*. I appreciate all that you do and write. Thank you, please keep it up!
Thank you so much. Yes it is an inner happiness which I think some have but do not really appreciate. Mind you I wouldn’t mind a few nice gifts to top up my grin!
This was beautifully written. Happiness that goes beyond the surface is what we all seek, and it’s out there for each of us. All we must do is open our eyes to see it.
Yes you are correct. I do know that for some life has made them deeply unhappy. I do not in any way mean they should lighten up. The ones I am thinking of are the people who have a good life and just do not realize how “happy” they should be.
I know exactly what you mean. People can have so much; a great family, successful children and a good paying job, and yet they are still unhappy. I suppose though, that even when you have all those things, you will still experience unhappiness here and there. But, it’s all about weighing things out. Ideally, the good in those cases should out weigh the bad.
Happy is there for the taking. I like what you say and how you say it. Even in the most difficult times I’ve been very fortunate to experience and recognize happiness. Great post Tric.
Thank you. You write like one who knows how to be happy despite difficulties.
Your post made me look back at some times. And I was pleasantly surprised to realize that even during the difficult times, I had happy. Your post was a great eye opener for me.
Thanks. That’s lovely to know. I did have happy times too, but I think my sadness began at such a young age that I grew up not really understanding that I was unhappy inside. Thankfully I can not say that today. 🙂
There is much gratitude for learning about ourselves and having the ability to make those inner changes. 🙂
Appreciating the fact that you’re happy…hmmm I like that! Good post. You have poked my conscience, will work on being less grumpy methinks.
Actually I’m working on that too! Tell no one. 🙂
hahahahahahaha ssssh!
This is great. I definitely think being grateful for what you have is the key – you taught me that the other day. I aim for contentment. I read (somewhere?) that this is more achievable that expecting to be happy all the time. I’m grateful for my loving family and healthy, happy kids.
My first posts have been a bit negative but I needed to get some stuff off my chest and it really helped. It’s great therapy! My next posts will be more positive I promise. Negativity breeds negativity and I don’t want to spread that. :0)
Ah post what you like Olivia. It is so therapeutic. Some times my posts are so sad. I sit here typing and tears pour down my face! Who would want to read them, but they do. My kids think I’m bonkers. But then I also have less serious posts, and even humor. Just let loose. Its your blog and it will reflect you. Write for you and by you. Then you can’t go wrong. I’m looking forward to reading.
Thanks Tric. You’re so funny. I’m scared to be myself – then they’ll all find out i’m mad! i’m just amazed by the way you can write something so emotive every day. it’s incredible. Everything you’ve written has made me think
or made me very emotional.
Keep reading Olivia, you’ll come to the “that was rubbish” post too!
Lol! I doubt it somehow.. Will definitely keep reading.
Wonderful post Tric, you have just described so many. I am so glad you have made it through that fog, it is a bloody lonely place xxxx
Thanks Emily. It is a very dark place indeed, but it does make the present a bright and pleasant place! 🙂