My baking proves I’m no fool

Blogging has eaten into my family time,
which means I have less time,
for motherly at home things,
such as cleaning up,
cooking and baking.

Recently I decided to try to address this.
I contacted a domestic goddess friend of mine.
She is the mother,
my children wish they had.
She looks fantastic.
Her house is always,
the perfect blend of homely yet tidy.
But above all she is,
the most fabulous cook.

“Please help, I implored,
I am looking for a recipe for chocolate brownies”.
In no time at all,
she had appeared at my door,
armed with what she told me,
was a “fool proof” recipe.

Well how excited we all were.photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/texascooking/6762456477/">texascooking</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>
My two youngest girls.
could almost taste those brownies.

We set to work,
measuring and beating,
following that “simple” recipe to a T.

At last we were finished.
The oven was shut,
and we sat smiling,
in our bomb blitzed kitchen.

The minutes ticked by,
and the excitement grew.
I boiled the kettle,
in eager anticipation of warm brownies.

At last, time up.
I called my two apprentice chefs,
and we eagerly opened the oven door.
The delicious smell filling the kitchen.

It was then we saw it.
The flat, burnt at the edges,
nothing at all like brownies,
creation we had baked.

Our hearts sank.
WTF?

My friends words were going round my head in a loop.
“Foolproof. Foolproof. Foolproof”.

I stared at the flat,
semi burned creation on the tray,
I then looked at my two girls.

“Oh dear”, I said pathetically.
My older child began to laugh hysterically.
As she repeated between convulsions,
“You said it was foolproof!”.
My youngest could not hide her disappointment,
“Can we just cut off the burned bits?”.

I bravely carried on,
as if all was perfect.
I cut those millimeter high,
hard, almost black, crispy brownies,
and put them into boxes.
Then I passed those “brownies” round for tastingphoto credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/55919472@N00/582025366/">skittledog</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">cc</a>

No gooey centre.
Just mega crispy crunches.
We ate our brownies,
in silence, accompanied by,
a large dollop of disappointment!

Later that night,
my friend the domestic godless texted me,
“How wuz brownies?”.
I replied with a text,
“All good. Out of oven two hours.
How long before they rise?”.

She is still laughing weeks later.
But in our defence,
I think we got the wrong recipe.
She gave us a “fool” proof recipe.
We passed the test.
It is obvious, we are no fools.
I will await the clever cooks recipe.

photo credit: texascooking via photopin cc
photo credit: skittledog via photopin cc

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27 thoughts on “My baking proves I’m no fool

  1. My first smile today: How long before they rise? Ha ha ha!
    I am taking two weeks off to reorganize my office and update the blogs– I plan to see you when I get back. 🙂

  2. this post reminded me of my childhood

    every now and then, my mother would make a tray of fudge or toffee for me and my sis.

    we never knew which it was going to be – and neither did she

    it was exactly the same recipe every time but until she opened the oven door none of us knew what was going to emerge

    fudge or toffee ?

    either way, we pigged out on it ! 😆

  3. i love this and it is clear you really made chocolate crunchers supreme treats or something your could rename them, and it is lovely that you are such a talented writer and wonderful person.

  4. I had a really good laugh over this…probably because I have done it myself! However, I would have talked the children into believing that the burnt part was the best part, just like hotdogs, and grilled cheese sandwiches:). Better luck next time!

    1. If I could have got rid of the laughing, ridiculing sixteen year old I might have had a chance. She was the one reminded me of this incident this week, as she does regularly.

      1. I like Nigella’s recipes because I have found them to be very VERY amenable. To things like having the wrong sized cake pan and an oven with..um..’unpredictable’ temperatures. So that when you open the door to see how close to finished the cake on the door shelf is, the cascade of raw overflowing cake batter disappearing into the pan drawer and trailing across the floor takes you by surprise. So you whack the temp up to something random and leave it in for 30 minutes more than the recipe says. And it STILL turns out amazing? That’s my kind of recipe. (Her dense chocolate loaf, by the way, that one was.)

        1. I am definitely going to look into her recipes. They sound like ones which are just at my level. I particularly like that the chocolate loaf is “dense”. As I say, just my level!:)

        2. Oh gosh yes. Anything that doesn’t come loaded with expectation as to how it MUST turn out is good in my book (which is why I make tea loaves and not sponges, or meringues!)

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