Today I was forced to sit for hours contemplating my age, looks and mortality. No I wasn’t in an Accident and Emergency department, moments from death, but in the hairdressers inches from a mirror, which quite frankly was doing my face no favours. As I sat there, I spent as much time as possible looking at others with a critical eye, in an effort to make myself feel better and to avoid acknowledging my aging looks.
In truth time is passing by at an alarming pace. Mostly I am happy and grateful for all I have in my life, but today, that feckin mirror was killing me. Who was that middle aged woman looking out? Was that really me, because I didn’t feel like she looked. I began to wonder ‘What makes me, me?
I read a post by Baydreamer a couple of weeks ago in which she spoke of what reminds her of what she truly is? She in turn had been prompted to ask this question by another blogger, at “42 days younger than Kylie”, (surely that is enough credit for my inspiration?) Looking at my reflection in the mirror I asked myself that same question, “What reminds me of what I truly am?”
My first thoughts answered the question very quickly. A series of words tumbled out,
Hair gel, jeans, warm cosy socks, jumpers, hoodies, runners, wine.
Then I began to think a little more. Do these things really remind me of me? Surely they are things which belong to the reflection in the mirror, but is that… me?
So I dug a little deeper and rid myself of my outer, superficial layer, adding the words…
Fun, friendship, writing, coaching, laughing, talking, listening, drinking (yep it’s there again) and wondered did that strip away the exterior and better show the ‘real’ me?
I took a deep breath, sat up straight and stared at the face in the mirror, (note to self it is time to never, ever, leave the house without make up). Did those words capture the essence of who I was? They are certainly all things which help make up… me, but do they speak of the inner me? So I sat a little longer and thought a little deeper and this was what I came up with.
My husband, my children, my mum, my dad, family and close friends.
I couldn’t help but smile as I recalled each one, remembering the many great days I had shared with them and a myriad of moments I would never forget; the laughter and tears of a lifetime to date. Each memory leaving a tiny imprint, some of which showed on my face but most I held in my heart.
For behind the wrinkles and sunspots on that face of mature years, was… me. A wife, a mother, a daughter, a best friend. But there was something else there, buried deep inside, another word not yet spoken but very definitely in the mix, so I added one more.
Tric.
The name given to the young girl who belonged to no one. The one with dreams and ambitions, hopes and fears, who fought her way through the toughest of days and won. That is the me I know, the me the mirror can’t quite see. The one I truly am, the ageless one I will always be.
So I challenge you next time you look in the mirror, to look a little closer, a little deeper and see if you can remember the you, you truly are.
photo credit: me via photopin (license)
photo credit: Lon Fong Photography-trying to catch up! via photopin cc
My thoughts on a page. 
Those hairdressers’ mirrors are feckers! But I love what you’ve come up with as a result of your musings. Our ‘me’s’ are all still in there. 🙂
Thank you. It’s a shock sometimes when I see I am not the me I think I am, but at least I’m still in there, like yourself, and not too deeply buried most days. 🙂
The wine brings her out! 😉
Very well seen
Thanks Irene.
We don’t really stop long enough, often enough, to contemplate who we are do we Tric???? I like who you saw.
I’m glad I found her as the one in the mirror was depressing. 🙂
The mirror is only one dimensional. 🙂
I needed this today. Certain Halloween costumes are starting to look silly on me at this age. I am mourning the passage of the fairy princess…
You’ll just have to re invent her. Queen of the princesses. 🙂
There you go! 😉
And in all that Tric you omitted inspirational BLOGGER, but fair enough you didn’t forget the wine – CHEERS.
Haha. Thanks Chris. I think a slug of wine would have helped me get to the answer quicker. 🙂
You are once again reading my mind across the ocean and mountains…
Nice post and great thoughts to ponder upon.
Glad to hear it Deb. We can lose ourselves so quickly in life, between work and parenting or in your case, losing a life partner. It’s hard to remember who we really are.
I hope you’re doing okay. I’ll be over for a virtual visit shortly.
Awesome. Fun. Important topic. Great read.
Is this a half mirror for just my face or a full body mirror? Clothes on or off? Oh boy, this exercise may be detrimental to my mental health!
People tell me I don’t look my age (thank goodness for makeup and being petite) but when I look at myself I have a hard time understanding what they’re talking about. I’ve been looking at my face for 41 yrs, the grey hairs have begun to show, I’m contemplating coloring my hair but would prefer to not add to the list of things I need to do to my hair as I’ve tortured it a lot over the years. I’ve been relatively healthy and what not dunno if I want to tempt faith. Can I run past the mirror? Lingering any longer than necessary seems a bit dangerous! 🙂
I rarely linger at a mirror so having to sit in front of one was torture. I’d need therapy if it had been a full length.
I love colouring my hair. I can re invent myself anytime I want.
Hmm, perhaps I’d look into coloring. The greys are really intent on “making a statement” lately.
I’ve been doing my own hair for years, I’m just worried I’d do it all wrong and have to live with the horrible consequences. But then again if I paid for a coloring at the hair dresser and it still came out wrong I’d me even more mad. Hmm, now you’ve got me thinking 💭 what color best describes ME? Someone recently called me ‘bubbly’ I wonder if I could pull off HOT PINK!!!!
Very thought-provoking: I remember the little girl that I once was, but I don’t know who I am now, and I’m sure that I’m not alone in that!
I think it is true for the majority of us, especially women who stay at home with children. I hope you can find her and allow her to visit occasionally.
what a great post, tric. i love how, with each round, you went a little deeper, to find yourself.
Thanks Beth. It’s hard to strip it all away and get to who we are. Most of us get lost, some of us get very lost. I know I did, especially when the children were young. I’m hoping I can remember that girl a little more often now that I know she is in there.
There are days when I fear yes fear looking in the mirror for longer than 2 seconds because I will see every flaw every age line and every reason to doubt how anyone could see beyond the obvious flaws how could any one love me? Then there are days when despite the above I see a fun vibrant smart full of life man who still has his best days in front of him and that he is blesses to have a wonderful wife who looks past the flaws and see the good the fun the vibrant. The reflection in the mirror is humbling telling and honest and often plays to our best and worse fears.
I think you said it all in your last line, we see what we want to see. Some days we are not unhappy with our reflection other days, bleugh.
Having friends or a partner close by definitely helps, although I find rarely looking in a mirror even more helpful. 🙂
Yesterday good example got a haircut looks good right after he did it but in three days I’ll miss the hair he cut lol
Beautiful post Tric
Thanks Kate. Inspiration comes from the strangest of places. 🙂
Loved the post, Tric. The real challenge for me isn’t to so much to see the real me when I look in the mirror, but just to look into the mirror in the first place. It was bad enough when I thought I looked like a potato, but now I’m increasingly beginning to see a baked jacket potato staring back at me. 🙂
Thanks. At least you are still years away from an over baked jacket potato.
Trust me, only I was at the hairdressers and it would be very odd to sit with my back to it staring at everyone else, I’d never look for any length of time in a mirror.
I’ve kept a bit in touch with the real me since writing this post so it wasn’t all bad.
That’s true. I’m only a lightly baked one at this point. I can also see how it would be a little awkward to face in the opposite direction from the mirror in the hairdressers. 🙂
I’ve been thinking about your post over the last hour or so since I read it and wondering what connects me to who I really am.
I’m not sure if this is quite what you had in mind, but like a lot of shy people, I often feel the person I appear to be when I’m with others is really not very close to the person I am inside.
My few very close friends are those people with whom I can be myself without putting on a performance or having to make any special effort. Funnily enough, I feel like this when I’m wandering about in the blogosphere too, which is probably the reason I enjoy it so much.
That’s true. I’m only a lightly baked one at this point. I can also see how it would be a little awkward to face in the opposite direction from the mirror in the hairdressers. 🙂
I’ve been thinking about your post over the last hour or so since I read it and wondering what connects me to who I really am.
I’m not sure if this is quite what you had in mind, but like a lot of shy people, I often feel the person I appear to be when I’m with others is really not very close to the person I am inside.
My few very close friends are those people with whom I can be myself without putting on a performance or having to make any special effort. Funnily enough, I feel like this when I’m wandering about in the blogosphere too, which is probably the reason I enjoy being here so much.
Actually I read your post earlier today but hadn’t the time to comment properly. It reminded me of this post in a way, as when you spoke of your not so great meeting and how you felt afterwards, it was only when you were encased by a comfort blanket of family, you were reminded of you as you really are, not the ‘less than perfect’ you in that meeting.
We are all in there somewhere and shy or not I do think most of us keep ourselves well hidden.
It’s an interesting thought that most of us keep ourselves well hidden. In a way it means we’re largely a bunch of strangers to each other — even most of the people we know. It does make me wonder what most of my friends, acquaintances and coworkers are really like.
Beautiful Post Tric!
Thanks Aidan, that’s great to hear.