I am a lie.
The post I was going to publish is a lie.
Am I the only one?
Do you write as you feel,
or do you try to cover it up?
If I were to write as I feel today,
my post would have to carry a warning,
“This post is dark and black and full of misery”.
Sometimes life is not all roses.
We have worries and upsets,
which affect our mood.
Maybe just for a moment,
or maybe for quite some time.
Very occasionally I publish a post I do not feel.
I think on that day,
my blog is as superficial as facebook,
only sharing the easy and fun.
It is as if on those days,
before I write,
I go into a room alone,
and for a moment I am me.
I think the sad thoughts,
and feel anger, and pain.
I curse the world,
and embrace the feelings I hide.
Then I wash my face,
open the door,
and smile.
A smile that is only face deep.
I open my laptop,
and try to type what I do not feel.
For my troubles are my own,
by choice I chose to keep them so,
away from my public blog,
or the people that I meet.
But I am not one,
who can brilliantly disguise,
how I feel when I write,
and even today I could not do it.
I could not post a post,
that I did not feel.
Today as I read other blogs,
I wonder…
Who else is lying?
Who else is posting a post,
at odds with how they feel?
They are I think a better writer than I.
photo credit: YanivG via photopin cc
photo credit: anitacanita via photopin cc
My thoughts on a page. 
My best posts come easily when I’m feeling what I’m writing so if I’m in a pissy mood, I’ll write a pissy post, usually one of my rants. I hope your mood lifts here soon. Go kiss your puppy, that can only help.
Thanks don.
I am so with you on this one. If I wrote what was foremost in my mind (though sometimes it’s tempting) people would hate me.
Ha ha. I know there is a lot to be said for absolute anonymity!
It makes you wonder what gems we could come up with if we were anonymous, doesn’t it? 🙂
We’d be dangerous.
Join the club. 🙂
Meh,
I feel the same way when I try to write what I don’t feel, hmmm, nearly impossible.
But I actually try to hide my feelings because those who know me personally tend to ask many questions about ‘why am I sad or miserable’..I just don’t have an answer that fits into words for such a question.
It was easier before I got to know my fellow bloggers, but now when you have worries or upsets it feels a bit like speaking with friends so the freedom I would have felt to be honest is somewhat less.
I totally agree..I sometimes wish I could meet some stranger and spill my heart out and never seeing him/her again
Oh yes imagine “A letter to a stranger”.
Oh wow! You just gave me a great idea! Is there such a thing out there?
I popped over briefly to your blog before I sent that comment and thought it would be right up your street. I’ll be back asap I loved what I saw.
Thanks =)
There is a certain advantage to being anonymous but, for me, I’m not sure this is one of them. I am still quite private about certain things and so there are some posts I have not written when I may have felt angry or frustrated or sad. I suppose I play it by ear and go with how I feel at the time. Saying that, I’ve been in a variety of different moods when I have posted and have always received positive feedback. The one ‘problem’ I find is that people tend to think all my posts are real and about me. So, if I write a poem about infidelity, people are going, ‘Ohh’.
Maybe you could take a shitty day or mood and use all the words that describe it in a poem. Then, you get to vent and just say, ‘Ah, imagination’! 🙂 x
🙂 Nice idea! It has never really happened before that I felt too “off” to post. But posting each day I suppose it was bound to happen. Not everything can be shared and it is difficult to write if your thoughts are elsewhere.
I’m envious. You post everyday and that’s the first time you’ve felt off enough not to. 🙂 x
I love writing and have never really had any problem finding a topic. But today what I felt and was thinking about were not really topics for public view.
Tomorrow thankfully is another day.
We all need privacy. Hope tomorrow’s better. x
Thank you.. Life can be tough and watching is even harder! Your kind thoughts are very much appreciated.
x
Being true to yourself is never easy and often one finds conflict with ourself. But focus on the journey you are on and enjoy the ride not the destination.
Thank you. I will be back on track tomorrow I hope.
I kept my blog very private from family and friends to be able to write and express what I feel without the fear of being judged nor to be asked a hundred questions if I write something negative or sad. I hope to never get discovered, hahaha…
I really enjoyed this post!
Delighted you enjoyed it. I took a time to let people know about my blog but overall I am happy they know. However I sometimes do wish I had a secret blog.. oh the tales I’d tell!
Well if you decide to do so..let me in on your secret…;)
Ha ha!
Reblogged this on An Ayla A Day and commented:
Good point. I have a daily blog but I have to say I’m honest every day.
However, when I sit down to write my blog each night I find myself reviewing everything that’s happened that day before choosing the most important thing to blog about.
And funnily enough, the most important thing is usually the best.
That said, somedays I do find myself tired, upset or depressed by the time blog-time comes around. Instead of dwelling on the bad I decide to wait until tomorrow… And every time I’ve found myself blogging happy again
I guess this could be described as contrived lying, but for me, I find my blog makes me appreciate the good things each day and that’s what I choose to write about.
Hope you feel happier soon! 🙂
Good point. I have a daily blog but I have to say I’m honest every day.
However, when I sit down to write my blog each night I find myself reviewing everything that’s happened that day before choosing the most important thing to blog about.
And funnily enough, the most important thing is usually the best.
That said, somedays I do find myself tired, upset or depressed by the time blog-time comes around. Instead of dwelling on the bad I decide to wait until tomorrow… And every time I’ve found myself blogging happy again
I guess this could be described as contrived lying, but for me, I find my blog makes me appreciate the good things each day and that’s what I choose to write about.
Hope you feel happier soon! 🙂
Thanks. I have been blogging eight months almost daily and this is the first time I hadn’t the heart to post. I did not want to be light hearted and the thoughts on my mind made everything seem so trivial.
However I am back and hope to not have another day like that for a long time to come!
Glad to hear it! 🙂
Sometimes I start to write something when I’m feeling high stress, but by the end I have relaxed and found a small peace of humor in the whole debacle!! I hope your spirits are boosted by morning….maybe it is morning there?? 🙂
Yes Tia it’s morning and a new day. Heres hoping for a better one.
tric – i think we all have our okay, good, bad and otherwise days, this is what makes us truly human. if everyone were honest, i’m sure they don’t always feel what they’ve posted is their best or sincerely reflects how they are feeling. don’t be hard on yourself, i would say honestly post when and if the mood strikes you and let the rest go. i truly love your writing style and look forward to it, but don’t want it to take a toll on you by feeling you need to mass produce and keep up a pace you’re not truly comfortable with. listen to your instincts and trust yourself and the rest will fall into place. best, beth
Thanks Beth. I do love to write and writing has never not made me feel better, but I was unable to write about what was weighing me down and unable to think about anything else.
Now it is a new day and hopefully a better one. Maybe I should have just walked away yesterday.
each day is a fresh start, and a new chance.
Tric, I do the paste smile constantly. It never reaches the eyes. Hope you are doing better.
Much better today. Thanks a million.
A good post. I often wonder the same thing, but then I also wonder whether I am being unfair and what those people find as “important” is just as important as what I find so. 🙂
Thanks. It is probably the first time I did not have the heart to post. I was preoccupied by thoughts of a friend. It just seemed to make everything else so trivial and so I could not seem to write as my feelings were so intense for her.
Thankfully the night has come between then and now so here’s to doing a better job today!
It did make me wonder though, especially for those who write daily, how they never seem, (looking at their posts) to have a day where life and sadness get in the way.
Tric,
I think bklynboy59 was right…it’s a journey. I think your post was SO honest. I certainly have days like that…and they’re usually the days when I don’t start my day in my prayer journal. I also think it takes a long time to learn ways to step outside yourself when “those days” overtake you. I’m nearly 63 and it still happens, thought not nearly as often nor as long.
Your writing is authentic and from the heart; uplifting, even when you don’t feel that way because it’s from the heart. Thank just for puttin’ it down.
Thanks a million for your kind words. They are very much appreciated. It was a tough day and that is how I felt in the moment. I have been blogging a relatively short seven months but I blog almost daily and that was the first time I was overwhelmed and felt unable to post the fun post I had written. Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment.
Very interesting post, Tric…I suppose I’d have to say that I’ve been pretty open, except for keeping my family private. Later on, I began posting photos of them off and on, but never added their names. What’s funny is when my Dad (93) started going on my blog, reading some of my passionate poems, well, at 52 even, it was a little awkward, but I know he just smiled and shook his head. Anyway, I’ve been pretty open and obviously, have felt more comfortable after blogging longer. It’s been two years now…have a wonderful Labor Day!
Yes I am fairly open and more and more people here at home know about my blog, although most do not bother to read it thankfully. I was having a bad day that day and should have posted something I had written earlier but because we got bad news my mood changed and I couldn’t post what I didn’t feel, hence the blog title.
It’s all good, it was a great, though provoking post, Tric!
I totally agree with your post. I find that my writing is sometimes put on. Not in the fact that I make up stories, etc. but when it comes to what the real problem is that day, I don’t post it and I don’t dig down deep into my feelings when I write. Part of it is fear I guess-sometime I think if other people knew what was on my mind at dark times, they would shy away. Part of it is just me and that I keep my personal life personal, and I also don’t like to burden others with whatever is going on in my head during those particular moments. And maybe when we signed up and did our “about” page and what we intended to write, we squelched ourselves before we truly got started. I intended to write on the hilarities of parenthood so I feel like if I post something off track then it makes no sense.
Yes I agree. If your blog follows a definite line it is odd to go outside of that. I suppose the difficulty with my blog is it is mainly personal writing. It is exactly what it says it is “my thoughts” so to blog for the masses and not actually what I am feeling or at least reflecting what I think seemed on that particular day a bit wrong and too difficult.
Thankfully I have not had such a moment since! 🙂
Yes I agree and those moments come often when you are a writer. Personally, I blame it on the fact that we all suffered through junior high and high school and trying to fit in. I’ve always tried to be my own person and speak my mind, but it seems a stigma is still attached if you say or do the wrong thing or the stir it causes. Sometimes easier to keep the peace lol
“A smile that is only face deep” – Wow! Too many live this way. I call it the Christian “F” word – “fine, I’m just fine.” You’re right. How can we be comforted or encouraged if we never share our pain? If instead, we walk through life with a smile that is only face deep?
Thanks for reminding me to keep it real. 🙂
\o/