The internet here in Ireland is buzzing tonight, and the reason behind it?
Katy Hopkins. A British upper class “lady” who makes her money in some small measure by courting controversy.
She is very opinionated, and has a most unusual take on a lot of women’s issues.
The rumours tell us she will be speaking tonight to the Irish nation about stay at home mothers.
Her opinion, as per the rumours, is that we are just too lazy to get jobs.
Can you picture the twitter meltdown as she gets going?
I am not sure if I will actually watch her.
I have seen plenty of her in the past and my own personal opinion is she is more than a little bonkers.
As a result I cannot take her seriously and in a sick way I can sit back and enjoy watching “car crash” tv.
However in anticipation of her madness I will give my own opinion on stay at home mothers.
As my opinion is and should be just as valued as hers.
I am a clever, smart articulate woman. I qualified as a nurse and loved my short career.
Then at a young age I became a mother.
From the moment I became pregnant I knew I would be a stay at home mother.
I gave up my career, my friends, my financial independence.
It was my choice.
From the day I “finished work” I struggled with my new title.
It stuck in my throat. There was no word or phrase acceptable to me.
I had to fill in forms with “occupation” written on them.
What would I write? There was usually only room for just one word.
“Housewife”, definitely not. I never married my house and if the state of it was anything to go by,
I was guilty of neglecting it.
“Nurse”, yes but I was no longer working so was it really my occupation?
As for “homemaker”, pass me the bucket, I was not the one who made my house a home.
Sometimes I wrote “mother”, other times I left it blank.
What was I?
As I look back on that time I can now smile.
I am now a stay at home mom for over twenty years and it is only in the last three or four years I have found peace.
I no longer feel I have to justify what I do all day.
I no longer feel I have to prove I am not lazy.
I no longer feel I am less of a person.
I no longer feel I might have made a terrible mistake.
What changed?
My children began to grow up. As they did I realised how close we were.
I began to view my role as one of value.
It was then I understood that for me the issue all along was not so much that society undervalued me,
but that I undervalued myself.
I have reared one boy and three girls. How would I feel after getting them through school and university,
if they were to stay at home?
That I don’t know. However I do know I want them to have choice.
I want them to know that if they did work that would not mean they were terrible mothers,
nor would it mean they were extra special mothers.
Equally if they were to become stay at home mothers full time, that would not mean they were amazing mothers,
nor would it mean they were lazy mothers.
As I look back on my choice I am content.
I can happily look the sceptics in the face and answer,
“What do you do all day?“, or “Don’t you have the great life””,
by saying I like to watch a lot of TV in between coffee dates.
Because there is no need to justify what I do with my life.
When my Dad died he left a note to the family.
On it he wrote “When I get to the pearly gates and I am asked,
“John what have you to show for yourself?”,
I shall say, “look at my family and that should qualify me for whatever goes”.
My family seem happy, healthy, and close.
As a mother that is all any of us want to achieve.
Whether we work outside the home or not.
So Katy Hopkins or anyone else who has an opinion on this I say, to each their own.
We thankfully have choice. I hope that is never taken away from any of us.
photo credit: Jane Costa Lima via photopin cc
zippaparazza! via photopin cc
My thoughts on a page. 
I’m sure some are “too lazy to get jobs”, but the rest enjoy being home. I worked in various professional fields for most of my life, but looking back, I wish I hadn’t. I wish I’d been able to be a professional homemaker who home-schooled my children and served my family all home-made meals. The fact is, if you’re a mom who’s worth her salt, staying at home is often harder than working in an office.
Alternately, there are the ones such as featured in your picture who don’t give a rat’s a** about the welfare of their unborn child, as highlighted by the smoking of cigarettes and a bottle of mystery drink.
Sorry. I have a thing about pregnant smokers…please forgive me.
The photo is only a parody of all she says are qualities of a stay at home mother. I have no doubt it is staged.
I think what ever choice we make we wonder, but why judge someone elses choice.
Many many days I’d have loved a job, but I stuck with it, just as most working moms wish to be at home. The real point is to have choice.
I wanted to work a little when my kids were little so you know what I did? I took a job on the weekends for several months! I actually felt more rested after working all day than when I was home all day. 🙂
Look… somebody has to take care of the children and who better to do it than their mom!
Bravo for you!
Thanks Jackie. I think all we all want to do is to be good mothers and rear our families as best as possible. What does it matter if we stay at home or not.
Stay at home mothers are under rated. They give their best and spend a great part of their life in looking after their children, husband and home. I have been such a person.
http://flowersandbreezes.wordpress.com/2014/01/30/come-home/
I think regardless of how we are rated the issue is we are all mothers doing our best, working outside the home or not.
Thanks.
People like that bother me. Stay at home moms encompass the roles of teachers, nurses, psychologists, peace keepers and many more that I’m missing.
Very true.
There was a time when I was in the military and my boys were young that I envied stay at home moms. But taking those 30 day (leaves) vacations always drove me nuts and I couldn’t wait to get back to work. I knew that if I wanted my boys to grow up in a happy home that I would have to work or I would go stir crazy. It is a balancing act that all women must go through. I love my sons and they have grown into such amazing young adults. I don’t think they would have made it past the terrible twos if I had stayed home with them 24/7. I no longer envy stay at home moms, I am in awe of them. I have several friends that chose to do that job and the number of things I watch them juggle make me glad that I chose the other route.
You hit the nail on the head Charlene, choice and being the best moms we can be regardless of that choice. When you speak of your boys it is obvious how much they mean to you. You are a mother regardless of how you funded your mothering.
I admire stay at home moms or dads. I think it is a fantastic choice to spend your time raising children, teaching children, being responsible for children. Though many people don’t see the dedication, love, hard work, responsibility, sacrifice and benefits of stay at home parents – many others do indeed see it.
Yes it can be difficult to see what goes into being a stay at home mother, but equally many sahm do not see the difficulties of being a working mother.
To me it is just about mothering.
Amen! Very well said Tric.
I, too, stayed home with my kids because I wanted to. I used to think, “Life lasts longer than childhood. They’ll be gone before I know it.”
Of course, by “gone” I did not mean “dead.” And if I have anything to be grateful for, it’s that I spent as much time with Philip as I did.
Yes I thought about that a few times recently. It must indeed be a small comfort to you. Hugs. Grieving is such a tiring road to travel.
It always baffles me when stay-home moms are characterized as lazy. Sure, some are, but has anyone been shopping lately? Visited any civil offices? There are some very lazy women in the workforce, too! We see them all the time, but they get a pass because they’re “working”.
It REALLY bothers me when women bash other women for making life choices they disagree with. Wasn’t the goal of feminism to free us from someone (men) controlling our lives? Odd that feminists have now assumed the role of oppressors. They bash women for not conforming to their expectations, which sounds remarkably like the social stereotypes we left behind.
You make a few great points there. I agree wholeheartedly, and I smiled at the lazy mothers in the workforce, we have all come across them.
I think many do appreciate the sahm and also the huge workload of working mothers. It is the vocal “others” who make such noise about it.
I’ve heard about Katy Hopkins – I guess she’s an unhappy person if she believes she has no other talent to get attention than spouting crap and upsetting people.
I saw someone going mad on FB over her comments about breastfeeding – and wondered why she was wasting her energy – we’ve only got one life. The best thing to do is to avoid feeding trolls – even the nicely made up, manicured ones with mouths like open sewers.
One part of your text leapt out and literally fastened itself ground my throat: “It was then I understood that for me the issue all along was not so much that society undervalued me, but that I undervalued myself”.
Touché! Thanks for helping MM realize where her true problem lies…
Big nuggs, Tric.
Thanks MM. Couldn’t agree more. I watched the interview and was most amused but didn’t take her seriously.
It was only when I was writing that I could really articulate how much I had undervalued myself. Thankfully I really am more relaxed about it all now. I’ve grown up I suppose.
Thanks for this post!! I am in a place now where you were when your children were young. I married and had children young. I decided to stay at home until at least the kids started school and then go back to work part time. Trying to get a balance. However, due to circumstances beyond my control (my son was born with significant disabilities) I haven’t been able to go back to work. It bugs me that people wonder what I do all day. There are plenty of ways to fill and day, I just don’t earn money from it.
Yes it is so difficult, but I do think it is that we care too much what others think. You know what you do, you know your son needs you, and you know you are doing a great job. Be glad you can and be proud you do.
That’s true, I do worry about what others think and I shouldn’t.
Thank you for your kind reply. x
That woman doesn’t deserve air time. What a fool. I don’t pay attention to people like her any more. I tell people I stay at home with the kids and write for magazines.. I did have issues becoming a stay at home in the early days – when the twins were were 9 months old I enrolled for my last module oft degree. I was so busy, but better that than people thinking I ‘was lazy’. I had worked for 12 years and found the transition to stay at home mum very strange. I suddenly felt less interesting and hated the fact that I wasn’t earning money.
I wish I had become more comfortable with the idea earlier instead of beating myself up about it. Like you I’m extremely close to my kids and we’ve had an amazing few years together.
Next year they start big school and I’m looking for ways to earn some extra cash.
Sorry for the long rant! I think I might need to do my own post on this. :0)
It is a huge adjustment learning to stay at home. I also felt others would view me as uninteresting. I remember going to a meal one night and the man sitting next to me asked what I did. When I told him I was a mother he said the usual “oh that is the hardest job of all”, then he turned his back to me for the next hour. Later in the night he decided I was entertaining and tried to join in, I wasn’t long telling him what I thought of his earlier behavior. Lets just say we didn’t part as friends!
Ha ha! Good on ya Tric. A la-dee-da family member asked me if I had returned to work after the twins were born and I said no I wanted to be with the babies and he just looked and said nothing. Why did he ask if he had no interest? Damned if you do damned of you don’t. I really don’t give a monkeys what people think. Getting older and wiser is great.:0)
katy hopkins is an attention seeking whore who spouts ‘controversial’ opinions deliberately to gain publicity and readership
She does it very well. Amusing to watch unless you take her seriously. Did you get my facebook message? Today is letter day on the blog.
not on FB very much
use it since Anita died primarily to check I don’t miss any family birthdays/anniversaries etc 😳
off to check it now
I have just read some of the posts I missed and all great as usual. I love your blog, you have worked hard. I tend to read your posts from the FaceBook link so not sure if that counts in our stats…..they still confuse me. Have you been freshly pressed? I to have been blogging for a year now, it has gone so quick. Here’s to our next year 🍷 xx
I see you read a lot of posts this morning! Yes they are included in my stats. I have never been Freshly Pressed, but while it would be nice I don’t ever really think about it.
Congrats on making it to the one year mark. I have really enjoyed it so far.
Lets see what the new year brings.
I just work two days a week, and I get to stay home with my kids the rest of the week. I by far, think that being a mother is far harder than any other job out there! Cheers to you and your decision! 🙂
beautiful and so well said, tric. happy you finally accept all that you are without guilt, regret or negativity. you have all that’s important in life and your family, (and you), are better for that. ) b
Awesome!! I, unfortunately did not have the privelage of staying at home with my children when they were small. I’ve always been envious of those who could. I know they would have done better and turned out different if I had. Kudos to you!
Will this issue never be settled? Back in the 1970’s I was told I was a bad mother because I only worked part time and did not put my children in day care where they could learn to stand on their own.
It is such an old debate alright. Now there is the added “research” which tells us we sahm may not be socialising our children enough.
I think once our children are loved, whether we work or stay at home is irrelevant. Thanks so much for the comment.